Penis Beaker Discussion Forum in New Low (Mumsnet thread)

[Ambient Sheep]

I'm surprised she wasn't bundled out of there by the guards whose job it is tell you to shush and put away your camera, I can't imagine they'd have much tolerance for full on bawling.

Allegedly, she did, according to page 6 of the thread (thanks for that, btw, @Kankurette, it's a great read; I knew about Penis Beaker but not this one):

Security did come over and escourt me out but they did seem sympathetic and concerned. I told them I was ok. I frightened a little old lady who jumped out of her skin when I wailed and I wanted to go back and apologise and see if she was ok (as tourists were helping her too) but they wouldn't let me go back. Obviously I ruined it for myself as well as everyone else and I'm certainly not proud of that.

[The Mollusk]

Sistine Chappell

More like the cis teen Chappelle am I right ??!?!!?!?!

[katzenjammer]

The Mail really loves publishing articles about shit they saw on Mumsnet, because apparently 'some woman posts on a forum' is news.

The only qualification for something being news is - will people click on it?

[jamiefairlie]

The subject of what I think must be the most famous Mumsnet thread ever. A mumsnet poster blithely referred to it in an aside (it was a glass of water on the bedside table in which her husband dunked his chap after sex).

It knocked the thread about Centerparcs as a euphemism for bumsex off the number one spot.

[Johnny Yesno]

Obviously the laundry basket is in the bathroom. And he can't use a tissue or a baby wipe because of the environment. And he can't use the sheets because she'll go mental. Not sure if they have a cat.

Surely, they have curtains.

[Butchers Blind]

Just about to start a bit of the ol coitus when she says, "you filled the penis beaker?"

[Oosp]

Dear Husband should be doing a piss before he bothers dunking. So a second beaker is required. Or - hear me out - just have one empty beaker at the ready, piss like crazy into it once you've withdrawn, then dunk your withering shaft into the nice warm piss. Then go over to the laptop and pour the piss all over the keyboard. Then commandeer the bathroom for a well-earned shower. Then call on all your neighbours and tell them not to go on Mumsnet cos it's got a virus

[Icehaven]

Saw this thread title and genuinely thought Penis Beaker was a dismissive term for 'woman who posts on Mumsnet' (because they've had kids so will mostly have had a penis inside them), and thought "That's a bit derogatory towards mothers." Then I read the thread and duly replace my righteous indignation with disgusted fascination at how some people live.

[MojoJojo]

To be clear, the penis beaker woman eventually admitted she'd made it up.

The other mumsnet classic that I know is the discussion about to toilet brushes. Some will say they are disgusting and they can't stand to have one in the house, others will say you need one to keep the toilet clean. Then someone will solve the problem by saying they put it in the dishwasher to keep it clean.

[Kankurette]

Washing dog bowls in the dishwasher is also considered to be disgusting.

[Sebastian Cobb]

To be clear, the penis beaker woman eventually admitted she'd made it up.

The other mumsnet classic that I know is the discussion about to toilet brushes. Some will say they are disgusting and they can't stand to have one in the house, others will say you need one to keep the toilet clean. Then someone will solve the problem by saying they put it in the dishwasher to keep it clean.

There was one years ago with a woman that liked making cakes but occasionally she'd fuck them up and got angry that her husband would eat them anyway while they were cooling before she threw them in the bin as she perceived it as some sort of passive-aggressive undermining taunt rather than the more likely case of him being a gannet and not caring they were imperfect.

[dissolute ocelot]

To be clear, the penis beaker woman eventually admitted she'd made it up.

Boo. Was just about to start a business selling penis-cleaning machines to Mumsnet users. A bit like a giant electric pencil sharpener. Don't get the two confused. Although if the machine is too good, then the Mumsnet users will no longer get any sex and have nothing to complain about.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Boo. Was just about to start a business selling penis-cleaning machines to Mumsnet users. A bit like a giant electric pencil sharpener. Don't get the two confused. Although if the machine is too good, then the Mumsnet users will no longer get any sex and have nothing to complain about.

Just a fleshlight with a fairy liquid reservoir in the bottom. You could take that on Dragon's Den. Bet Theo Paphitis would love it.

[Butchers Blind]

Why not market penis wipes. Like those ones you get for your shitty arse but for your post cum nob. Call them Dong Swabs, or something.

[Shaxberd]

Why not market penis wipes. Like those ones you get for your shitty arse but for your post cum nob. Call them Dong Swabs, or something.

You suddenly awakened an ancient memory of when Jezebel posted about the cockbib, and then the inventor turned up in the comments to argue with them. Twice.

[Alberon]

Allegedly, she did, according to page 6 of the thread (thanks for that, btw, @Kankurette, it's a great read; I knew about Penis Beaker but not this one):

Security did come over and escourt me out but they did seem sympathetic and concerned. I told them I was ok. I frightened a little old lady who jumped out of her skin when I wailed and I wanted to go back and apologise and see if she was ok (as tourists were helping her too) but they wouldn't let me go back. Obviously I ruined it for myself as well as everyone else and I'm certainly not proud of that.

I'd suspect security in the Vatican generally are used to some types having a religion related meltdown there.

[Kankurette]

The amount of tongue baths both Roisin Murphy and Bananacunt are getting over there is depressing. I bet all the people buying Linehan's book will try and force their woke teens to read it.

(I'm not even a Moloko fan, Indigo aside, and the TERFs all lovebombing Murphy despite not giving a shit about her music depresses me. What happened to buying a CD because you like the artist?)

[hamfist]

Why not market penis wipes. Like those ones you get for your shitty arse but for your post cum nob. Call them Dong Swabs, or something.

Just put a dollop of Swarfega in the pussy and get down to it, both parties come away happy and scoured clean

[amateur]

Just put a dollop of Swarfega in the pussy and get down to it, both parties come away happy and scoured clean

Thanks, I hate this

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

The other mumsnet classic that I know is the discussion about to toilet brushes. Some will say they are disgusting and they can't stand to have one in the house, others will say you need one to keep the toilet clean. Then someone will solve the problem by saying they put it in the dishwasher to keep it clean.

They clean the lavatory in a dishwasher? Doesn't sound very hygienic. Why not just take it to a car wash?

[dissolute ocelot]

Self-cleaning condom? IUD with some kind of brush attachment?

There's just so many bodily fluids involved in sex, why can't we just be happy with entirely mental pleasure, like from Wordle?

Re toilet brushes, Kim and/or Aggie recommend you just put some gloves on and scrub your toilet yourself. Anyway, every time you flush the loo you send a cloud of fecal matter into the air, so your best bet is to shit out the window.

[phantom_power]

"Security did come over and escourt me out but they did seem sympathetic and concerned. I told them I was ok. I frightened a little old lady who jumped out of her skin when I wailed and I wanted to go back and apologise and see if she was ok (as tourists were helping her too) but they wouldn't let me go back. Obviously I ruined it for myself as well as everyone else and I'm certainly not proud of that."

I know I am being a dick and am ashamed of what I did but why should I change?

[Sebastian Cobb]

Self-cleaning condom? IUD with some kind of brush attachment?

There's just so many bodily fluids involved in sex, why can't we just be happy with entirely mental pleasure, like from Wordle?

Re toilet brushes, Kim and/or Aggie

Self-cleaning condom? IUD with some kind of brush attachment?

There's just so many bodily fluids involved in sex, why can't we just be happy with entirely mental pleasure, like from Wordle?

Re toilet brushes, Kim and/or Aggie recommend you just put some gloves on and scrub your toilet yourself. Anyway, every time you flush the loo you send a cloud of fecal matter into the air, so your best bet is to shit out the window.

recommend you just put some gloves on and scrub your toilet yourself. Anyway, every time you flush the loo you send a cloud of fecal matter into the air, so your best bet is to shit out the window.

My mates mum bought him a special less functional bog brush on a sort of gooseneck, just for cleaning under the rim where the water comes out.

[Gurke and Hare]

Anyway, every time you flush the loo you send a cloud of fecal matter into the air

Only if you're one of those unhygienic types who shits in the toilet.

[Kankurette]

Shouldn't you just put the lid down when you flush?

[Gurke and Hare]

Supposedly, but approximately nobody actually bother doing I think.

[Sebastian Cobb]

And lift it back up to check everything's gone? Might as well scoop it up in my hands and put it in the sea myself.

[jobotic]

I clean my toilet with bathroom cleaner, a cloth and bare hands!

The trick is to wash your hands afterwards.

[hermitical]

I clean my toilet with bathroom cleaner, a cloth and bare hands!

The trick is to wash your hands afterwards.

...in the toilet, now it is so clean. Just a dunk in the pristine waters.

[jobotic]

Dammit, the time I've wasted going to the sink.