End times are upon us...

[alcoholic messiah]

As foretold, post #2,000,000 has been vomited forth into existence by the Abomination[nb]

Spoiler alert

Me.             

[close]

[/nb], heralding an era of turmoil and change.

Down is up, day is night, and mentally ill unemployed men are a bountiful source of wisdom.

The wicked will be cast into the void[nb]Kent.[/nb]. Only the pure will attain deliverance into the Promised Land[nb]Luton.[/nb].

Repentance is the only path to a seat on the Rapture Express.





To appease the internet comedy forum gods in these most tumultuous of times, the next ten posts with a message ID ending in "000"[nb]i.e. 2001000, 2002000, 2003000, 2004000, 2005000, 2006000, 2007000, 2008000, 2009000, and 2010000.[/nb] will each be rewarded with ten karma points from the chosen one[nb]

Spoiler alert

Me.             

[close]

[/nb].

[BlodwynPig]

Bows low at your feet. Receives ornamental sword from the most benevolent one. Plants sword deep within own belly. Smiles.

[alcoholic messiah]

I watched as the surrounding Lamb opened the first of the seven seals. Then I heard one of the four living creatures say in a voice like thunder, "Come and see!" I looked, and there before me was an immense horse! Its diminutive rider held a large bow to his breast, and he was given a crown, and he rode out as a conqueror bent on obtaining a soapy titwank.

[Beep Cleep Chimney]

Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I take a look at my life and realise there's nuttin' left. Coz I've been blastin' and laughin' so long, that even my mama thinks that my mind is gone.

So think on.

[Glebe]

Things have certainly gone a bit pear-shaped in recent times. Pretty soon we'll all be communicating through 'The Pod', a kind of giant thought-processor in the sky, safe within our fallout dome while the Apocalypse rages outside.

[BlodwynPig]

Alcoholic Messiah earlier this year

[Pijlstaart]

I thought the end times had been upon us for quite a while. But then again, I haven't left my shack since December 21st.

[Glebe]

Alcoholic Messiah earlier this year

Adam Buxton's let himself go digital.

[Scuba Diver]

alcoholic messiah, I want some karma and I want it now.

[alcoholic messiah]

Be patient, eager disciple.

#2001000 has already been claimed, but #2002000 should be up for grabs later this evening.

[Artemis]

HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!! And welcome!! To Jack Van Impe Presents!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVimkUpdAWM

Don't forget, when Christianity mixes with Islam, it creates Chrislam. So take that to bed with you.

[alcoholic messiah]

Another inveterate sinner has sought salvation in the cleansing applause of the Special One, though the fact that there was a 90-second window between his post and the previous one suggests he may just be feigning contrition.


You people.

[Pedro_Bear]

Mmmm. Good. I see it.

Shining Armour will be ♫♫Mine, all mine!

[alcoholic messiah]

And behold another beast, a second, like to a bear, and it raised up itself on one side, and it had three ribs in the mouth of it between the teeth of it: and they said thus unto it, Arise, devour much flesh.

[Jamie Oliver is fat]

It's over : Will Self has written a "you couldn't make it up" article for the Daily Mail

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2396222/Branded-paedophile-hiking-son-WILL-SELF-reveals-nightmare.html

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I like the phrase 'enthusiastic pedestrian', almost as much as 'furiously masturbating'.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I do love journalists unrelenting inclination to assume that because something happened to them it is indicative of a wider national malaise. That must be the sort of hugely circumferenced ego you develop on the job[nb]journalism rather than fucking your own son[/nb] I guess.

[Doomy Dwyer]

I do love journalists unrelenting inclination to assume that because something happened to them it is indicative of a wider national malaise. That must be the sort of hugely circumferenced ego you develop on the job[nb]journalism rather than fucking your own son[/nb] I guess.

It's certainly difficult to imagine members of an internet forum pursuing such a grotesquely simplistic and laughably solipsistic way of thinking.

[Pedro_Bear]

Okay, forget the 5000 armour. And the 6000 bow. And also the 7000 axe.

Only one whose heart is pure can wield the knife.

[Pedro_Bear]

I... am... impure.....

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

It's certainly difficult to imagine members of an internet forum pursuing such a grotesquely simplistic and laughably solipsistic way of thinking.

A fairly redundant point given we aren't employed to offer our opinions, nor are our views read by hundreds of thousands of people. Thankfully.

[Sony Walkman Prophecies]

It's over : Will Self has written a "you couldn't make it up" article for the Daily Mail

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2396222/Branded-paedophile-hiking-son-WILL-SELF-reveals-nightmare.html

Even when he's writing a SHOCKA piece for the 'bloids he doesn't half bang on does he? Oh well, at least the psychogeographic interludes were kept to a minimum this time.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

He did keep the imbroglio in perspective, it didn't quite hit the threshold of epiphenomenal.

[shiftwork2]

Even when he's writing a SHOCKA piece for the 'bloids he doesn't half bang on does he? Oh well, at least the psychogeographic interludes were kept to a minimum this time.

Yeah, he does ramble.

[Famous Mortimer]

Maybe he knew full well who Will Self was and thought he'd phone the police because he considered Self to be a wanker? Maybe he read one of the many articles that discuss his intravenous drug addict past? Or maybe he should be telling his kid it's good that the police respond to stuff fairly quickly?

[Tiny Poster]

I did like that he spent the first half of the article talking about the walks before getting to the Mailbait. I'm not being ironic, I really enjoyed that.

[Pedro_Bear]