Don't have kids...

[Cerys]

... they're ungrateful little gobshites.

This message has been brought to you by the number '5', the letter 'Y' and the sincere hope 'it's just a phase that all kids go through at this age'.

[Joeyjojo]

They'll remain ungrateful little gobshites until they're adults, and only then, somewhat begrudgingly, thank you for making them go to school / being a bit strict. Exposure to horrible stories about broken homes and maltreatment from other parents *might* make them thankful their parents aren't any worse, mind.

[Steve Lampkins]

And they can break your heart. My 4 year old has chicken pox. Looks like the Thing from Fantastic Four. :(

[Cerys]

She certainly broke my credibility.  Dissolving into tears of frustration in the supermarket does not match my general public demeanour.

Exposure to horrible stories about broken homes and maltreatment from other parents *might* make them thankful their parents aren't any worse, mind.

Tried that.  It worked for about ... ooh ... that long.  I know it's a natural developmental stage - but it isn't easy to keep cool and philosophical when you're stuck halfway round Lidl with a small child repeatedly punching you because 'you're a nasty mother'.

[Blumf]

Hang on now. Can any of you parents show informed consent[nb]Neatly tying this thread into the Dodgy Porn one[/nb] for bringing the little kid into this world? Nope! You just dragged the poor sods into this hell hole and then expect them to be grateful!? You should be apologising every day for the suffering you're imposing on them by bringing them into existence.

[Big Jack McBastard]

Go to B&Q next and tell her you're getting the dungeon renovated so it's the right size for her.

[Jemble Fred]

Hang on now. Can any of you parents show informed consent[nb]Neatly tying this thread into the Dodgy Porn one[/nb] for bringing the little kid into this world? Nope! You just dragged the poor sods into this hell hole and then expect them to be grateful!? You should be apologising every day for the suffering you're imposing on them by bringing them into existence.

You seem to be forgetting sweets, puppydogs and beautiful drizzly days in the countryside.

[Big Jack McBastard]

You seem to be forgetting abscesses, having the dog put down/hit by a car and cold, oppressive, cement laden towerblocks.

[Jemble Fred]

cold, oppressive, cement laden towerblocks.

Yes, but in Aberystwyth, that's just the main university campus.

[Blumf]

There are no sweets, only pain!
There are no puppydogs, only the ever present threat of death
There is no beautiful drizzly days, only the toxic burn of acid rain.

[mook]

...but it isn't easy to keep cool and philosophical when you're stuck halfway round Lidl with a small child repeatedly punching you because 'you're a nasty mother'.

cerys... err... you didn't take my suggestions to turn her into a kitchenslug skivvy seriously did you?

[Cerys]

Nope - but maybe if I had then this wouldn't have happened....

[mook]

well then, you should know by now that you must always, always follow mook's advice. it's your own fault.

[Mr Eggs]

Was something tempting on offer in Lidl that you refused her? I saw a child go nuts when he couldn't get tube full of different sized cable ties.

[Cerys]

A pack of coloured gel pens.  I said she couldn't have them unless she proved she deserved them by being well-behaved until Monday.  This displeased her.  I tell you, for a clever child she isn't half thick sometimes.

well then, you should know by now that you must always, always follow mook's advice. it's your own fault.

I'll write it out a thousand times in my best writing.

[Mr Eggs]

Buy them for her on monday then burn them in front of her.

[sirhenry]

You should have got one of the autistic ones, they're great - quiet, polite, intelligent and logical[nb]except when in meltdown[/nb].
The tribunals and court cases against their schools, universities, education departments, medical specialists, the random abuse from strangers, the claims of child abuse by doctors and the random, nonsensical accusations from social workers take up rather too much time[nb]14 years with a total of 18 months off so far[/nb] and emotional energy, but the kids are great.

Just remember, you only have to give in once to set a precedent with children, so always stand your ground and do what you said you would.

[Big Jack McBastard]

Buy them on Monday and do a massive mural of her whinging in Lidl on the side of the house with them, make sure you use all of them until they're spent.

[mook]

Buy them for her on monday then burn them in front of her.

this. and then tell her she's the reason you had to give up the position of chief tapdancer in a promising burlesque/streetfighting gang. if she doesn't believe that i'm sure we can cobble together some "photographic" evidence to proof her wrong.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Film her having a tantrum, put it up on youtube, and embarrass her in front of the entire world. Then read out the comments to her once she's calmed down Adam Buxton style to shame her in to never having a tantrum again.

That or just get the belt out. It worked for my Mum, and made sure I never set fire to that hedge ever again. And it hasn't had any affect on me as an adult, indeed disappointingly I'm not in to S&M at all. :(

[sirhenry]

Confined to a wheelchair due to a tragic tapdancing accident - there's a film in there somewhere.

[Mr Eggs]

Tell her what happens to naughty Austrian girls.

[Cerys]

Tempting....

[madhair60]

How do you actually have a kid?  I've been meaning to ask.

[Mr Eggs]

^


Fritzl is the ultimate authority on that question.

[Cerys]

How do you actually have a kid?  I've been meaning to ask.

Well, a daddy person and a mummy person, who love each other very much....

[alcoholic messiah]

Well, a daddy person and a mummy person, who love each other very much are dirty filthy sex beasts....

Fixed.

[Queneau]

Well, a daddy person and a mummy person, who love each other very much....

Go on, I haven't just got this notebook and pen for nothing have I?

Also, I agree with everything Blumf said.

[Blumf]

How do you actually have a kid?  I've been meaning to ask.

[Cerys]

Ah, the flashbacks!

The most annoying thing about all this is that Bethan is a sensible, intelligent kid who has always known that 'no' means 'no' when it comes to shops.  Maybe we should say 'who are you and what have you done with Bethan?' a little more often.

Roll on the end of the phase.  And if it isn't a phase, we'll just have to put her in a tube and send her to Madagascar.