Favourite Morris lines

[Thomas]

'George Clooney's blood vein with a baby swordfish in it.'

That is good.

[Tairy_Green]

Simple, but effective:

"I hate Sebastian Coe."

Got a lot of mileage from me during 2012.

[Thomas]

"I hate Sebastian Coe."

It's my ringtone. If ever I'm sat on a bus or train with Chris Morris nearby, I'll pretend not to have seen him and get somebody to ring me.

[momatt]

It's my ringtone. If ever I'm sat on a bus or train with Chris Morris nearby, I'll pretend not to have seen him and get somebody to ring me.

Excellent, it was mine too during the Olympics.
I still hate him now though.

[Van Dammage]

I love when he shouts "Brilliant!" off camera when alan partridge is doing his self defence thing in the day today.

[Thomas]

'When monkey cease to sing, though you carve slot in head, and slip in so much coins that brainy gloop did ooze therefrom... ah. I see. Yes.'

[Tiny Poster]

"Jack f***ing Dee"

[clingfilm portent]

"God"

[Nice Relaxing Poo]

Now hold them up! Hold them up and keep them up! And rotate them one-hundred degrees in my favour!


Do it

[checkoutgirl]

Grasp the candle                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 and bang on.

[Lord Mandrake]

"Welcome back and shut up!"

[Thomas]

The delivery of 'bang bang bang like fucking pinball', in the intro to the third episode of Blue Jam, is great. Similarly 'bloody hell' in episode five's.[nb]with a very nice, spooky-woosy use of Marilyn Monroe's 'Happy Birthday, Mr. President'.[/nb]

Series 3, episode 6 -

'And when you walking dog, click, "here boy", call the children over, pat his head. "No, he won't bite". But they all scream and run, befreaked by crusty flaps of skin, dried sinew, teeth, and hair that you've been dragging round since you unlocked the shed and found him eyeless, stiff, and putrid after 7 months of careless oublier.'

Series 2, episode 4 -

'And when oo platform stand, and then see train, and think "here comes my switch off all off off switch off jump now down dangle."'

[momatt]

...and better than the outside really.  Possibly.  No.
Then blink emerge at last.  And all people gone, when now you needy, so needy, like a mimmy mim.

[Thomas]

Having listened to loads of Blue Jam recently, I'd forgotten just how abrasive and confrontational Morris' The Day Today/Brass Eye character is. He's a wicked talented performer.

[momatt]

He's a wicked talented performer.

Absolutely.  Which makes it all the more irritating how infrequent we see him perform.  Especially now.

[Thomas]

Well, this year he's had that surprise onstage bit, his first onscreen appearances since The IT Crowd (2008), and a part in Richard Ayoade's new film. Perhaps there's loadsa stuff just around the corner.

I mean, there might be. You don't know. There could be an absurd, Blue Jammy, Lynchian film only months away, bristling with lines and ideas to be quoted in this thread. You don't know there isn't. There could be.

[momatt]

There could be an absurd, Blue Jammy, Lynchian film only months away, bristling with lines and ideas to be quoted in this thread. You don't know there isn't. There could be.

I think the recent mini-surge of activity is what's got me looking back at these things.
A Jammy film would be so good.

[Thomas]

I love Four Lions, and to hear it described as 'Chris Morris' first film' always stirs a bit of optimism.

I think I'd like a departure from the real-world rooted satire of Four Lions,[nb]and Nathan Barley before it.[/nb] though. For all their jokes[nb]I like Nathan Barley.[/nb] they're almost believable fictions, and I'd rather see a poke around some surreal world next. Or something like My Wrongs. A real world seen through a bit of a knackered mind.

[momatt]

I love Four Lions, and to hear it described as 'Chris Morris' first film' always stirs a bit of optimism.

I like the way you think.  Assuming he's on this planet for another 40 years, it would be ridiculous if he didn't make another film of series.

[Pancake]

"Looks like an old man's hand"

[Pancake]

"tell him 'a rice hammer'"

[Pancake]

"Hi, this is Bruno Brooks....nnnnggggCUNT"

[Pancake]

"Oh god, oh god... it's like a sad voice freaky clown"

[Pancake]

And an obvious one:

"Arafat ablaze in kerosene oyster hell"

[Pancake]

"Thanks Colin. He's not gay by the way. We wouldn't employ a homosexual."

[Pancake]

"Homosexuals can't swim, they attract enemy radar, they attract sharks, they insist on being placed at the captain's table, they get up late, they nudge people whilst they're shooting. They muck about."

[grassbath]

It's a strong feelings kidney whichever way you slice it...

[Subtle Mocking]

"Throughout the day, bank officials have refused to confirm the rumours that the pound was only vulnerable at all because they removed it to play with at lunchtime... and forgot to put it back."

The delivery of that last part of absolutely perfect. Something I often try to imitate, with limited success. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32779CpfymI

Also from that bit: "Making good with their legs across open ground."

[Pancake]

Homosexuals can't swim, they attract enemy radar, they attract sharks, they insist on being placed at "the captain's table", they get up late, they nudge people whilst they're shooting. They muck about.

The delivery of "muck about" cracks me up every time.

haha, posted without reading the thread, high five

[Pancake]

There's a Classic Morris Roar in the episode with dead Johnny Walker. "You'll slap his face off! You'll slap it off! PETARRRRRGH!". I can't think of that without laughing.

When Peter wretches while he's coring out a hole in Walkers neck fucking floored me when I first heard it, cracking up now