A Bear's fucking Tail

[Purple Tentacle]

So has anybody got anything nice to say about this show (apart from a half hearted "I liked it")?

Surely Leigh Francis has googled his name enough by now to find this place, so come on then, justify taking up 40 minutes that could be used by somebody with talent, you cunt.

[Mr. Analytical]

Awful Awful Awful.

Season 3 of bo' selecta was some of the worst TV ever made and rather than refuse to give him another series or rest him for a while they make a few largely cosmetic changes and allow him to keep making the same programme.

It's all so terribly naff and unfunny and outdated.  The smarmy post-modernism, the celebrity fawning, the witless knob  gags.  Good god!

Seriously... what the fuck are C4 thinking?  they've completely lost the plot as far as comedy is concerned.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

The blanket advertising of it before the first episode almost made it seem as if C4 were proud of it.

[Mr. Analytical]

That annoyed me because whenever C4 get anything decent they refuse to advertise it and end up putting it on at 3 in the morning.

But it didn't annoy me half as much as the Guardian guide TV listings person attempting to mount a one woman counter-backlash by saying that we should all give it a while to warm up before slating it.

NO!  francis is a professional comedian whose lack of talent has been largely ignorted by the complacent entertainment media.  This is his fourth prime time comedy series and frankly if he's been shit through 3 series of Bo' Selecta he's hardly likely to suddenly have a road to Damascus moment and stop churning out cack.  If this was some writer's first gig or a respected stand-up's first attempt at a sitcom then I'd be tempted to give it a chance but the man's on a 6 figure salary and is a media darling.  If a bear's tail is shit then it deserves to be slated as such and we have the right to demand the immediate resignation of the C4 comedy comissioning editor for giving this guy ANOTHER series after the absolute disaster that was series 3 of Bo' selecta.

give it a chance... fuck you!

[Labian Quest]

Seriously... what the fuck are C4 thinking?  they've completely lost the plot as far as comedy is concerned.

I've not seen sales figures for the Bo Selecta DVD's, vidoes etc, but if their prominent position in a lot of record shops etc is anything to go by, he's probably making a lot of money for them on that front, which could explain his golden boy status.

[Raspberry Jam]

This has got to be the meanest anti ginger thread ever.

I quite liked the first episode anyhow.

[Purple Tentacle]

Why?

[Mr. Analytical]

I've not seen sales figures for the Bo Selecta DVD's, vidoes etc, but if their prominent position in a lot of record shops etc is anything to go by, he's probably making a lot of money for them on that front, which could explain his golden boy status.

 Whatever happened to being a public service broadcaster?  If this is what C4 is alll about then let's just privatise the fucker and have done with it.  That way they can keep going after the intellectual dregs of the 18-34 market and make money with their endless prole pandering.

 As far as creating and nurturing homegrown talent is concerned we'd be better off selling C4 to Murdock and using the cash to buy advertising space in local newspapers.  Would be easier to do and would contribute more to original programming than C4 does at the moment.

 For me Francis is a walking testament to how craven and rotten Channel 4 have become.  It's mindless pap cloaked in smugness in an attempt to convince Guardian readers that it's clever and funny.

[Detective John Kimble]

The only thing that didn't happen is Bear's cock coming out, and he didn't come over Paul McKenna either - I'm pretty sure both will be in the next episode, or somewhere in the series.

You were clearly laughing too hard to miss the bit where the Bear's cock came out and he made Patsy Kensit kissed it.

I must have just blocked that out of my mind.  I don't want to remember any images of the Bear's cock.

[Paaaaul]

He'll probably get another series, because all of you lot have been helping to keep the viewing figures up.

[Purple Tentacle]

Why won't anyone explain why they like it?

I genuinely, honestly want to know, because obviously there IS an appeal and there IS an audience for it, I just don't understand it is all.

[Mr. Analytical]

Lots of humour doesn't stand up to analytical scrutiny.  why is a bloke falling through an open manhole funny?  bear's tail has some knob gags and some swearing and a few celebrities... people who are undemanding in their humour like it.  It's easy to see why people like it.

[Purple Tentacle]

3==D--- - --- -
Pissflaps!



Cheesy wheelbarrow!

I've got spunky trousers missus!



3==D



Glans.

[tarmac]

The adverts seemed vaguely (vaguely) interesting.  The rest was dreadful.  

Surely, giving the most rubbish character from an already substandard series must have looked a little bit ropey, even on paper, even to Francis, even to his mates at Channel 4?

[jutl]

The adverts seemed vaguely (vaguely) interesting.  The rest was dreadful.  

Surely, giving the most rubbish character from an already substandard series must have looked a little bit ropey, even on paper, even to Francis, even to his mates at Channel 4?

My theory is that there's a kind of Waco-Luc Jouret vibe in Channel 4 management at the moment - they realise that something is broken, that their weird inbred fuckathon is drawing to a close in a cyclone of cleansing fire, in short that they haven't met anyone worth two fucks in half a decade, let alone funded a show by them - and they've decided to push through vigourously - burn out in an orgy of pointless spending and no-talent-cuntwit-sac-tickling. It's annoying/suicide-inducing for the viewer but there's something very admirable about it, in a Japanese fucked-up kind of way.

[Mr. Analytical]

Had another look.  Absolutely shocking. Badly written, badly acted, badly plotted.

You know some people look at modern art and say "I could do that" whereas in fact they couldn't and even if they could they're not the ones that had the idea to do it.   I'm not a writer, I do a few reviews for websites but I've never written a book or an article or a joke, but if I were to try and something like this were to come out I'd honestly conclude that I wasn't good enough to be a writer.


There aren't any jokes.

Or funny situations.

There's just swearing and celebs.


The idea that professional writers spent hours writing this stuff and having production meetings where the best jokes are chosen is simply mind boggling.    I just can't imagine people being paid to produce this stuff, then meeting with channnel 4 suits, pitching the idea and being given a cheque.  

I just don't understand.  I mean, I look at something like House of Wax or Keeping Up Appearances and they're crap but you can see the craft and the thinking that went into them... to my mind they made bad creative decisions but you can see creative decisions being made.  A Bear's Tale shows no creative fingerprints whatsoever.  It's quite astonishing.

[mcbpete]

I think the reason I like it is just that its just a lot of fun [god that sounds crap]... I'm not quite sure how to elucidate it further, just that the whole thing seems like they had a real good time filming the thing. And that the bear/francis keeps on calling the show shit, and that scenes are poorly written etc. just seems like the whole thing shouldn't be discussed over pages and pages of prose just either enjoyed or not. As simple as that, erm maybe...

but then I enjoyed Dark Place and got flac [flack? flak?] for that as well, so maybe I'm in the wrong place.

[bithez]

I think the reason I like it is just that its just a lot of fun [god that sounds crap]... I'm not quite sure how to elucidate it further, just that the whole thing seems like they had a real good time filming the thing.

i enjoy pissing, but nobody gives me money to do it in public. YET.

And that the bear/francis keeps on calling the show shit, and that scenes are poorly written etc. just seems like the whole thing shouldn't be discussed over pages and pages of prose just either enjoyed or not. As simple as that, erm maybe...

wait, so a character in the show actually SAYS it's bad? is that what this means????

[The Mumbler]

The phrase "how did they get away with that?" used to mean contentious, risky, obscure material.  Now it means poorly done.

[Munday's Chylde]

That was fucking nuts! What a strange show. I'd be lying if I said I didn't find it watchable though.

[Labian Quest]

That was a slight improvement on episode 1; the Jimmy Carr pisstake was good and also the bit where Keith (Lemon?) was riding around on that Segway (???) with 'Wild boys' by Duran Duran playing. As Mundays Chylde just said it is still strangely watchable though, but the bits with the scriptwriter just seem to emphasise how little there is going on in the way of plot, ideas etc.

[Purple Tentacle]

but then I enjoyed Dark Place and got flak for that as well, so maybe I'm in the wrong place.

Absolutely not! Discussion is where it's at.


The thing is, one of my fond memories from my youth is watching, well, shit programmes on Channel 4 at 3 in the morning. Funnily enough I used to consider stuff like Vids to be a bit shit, but I used to like it.

Would the ABT-liking mentallists agree that this programme certainly doesn't deserve wall-to-wall trailing and a TV slot that most programmers would sell their grandmothers for?  I mean, if it's "shit, but strangely watchable", that still doesn't merit the lavish amount of money and opportunities wasted on it?

[Paul Dee]

That was a slight improvement on episode 1; the Jimmy Carr pisstake was good .

Out of interest, what was the pisstake?

Carr wrote for Bo Selecta didn't he, so I can't imagine it being savage or anything.

[Labian Quest]

That was a slight improvement on episode 1; the Jimmy Carr pisstake was good .

Out of interest, what was the pisstake?

Carr wrote for Bo Selecta didn't he, so I can't imagine it being savage or anything.

It was someone with a Bo selecta mask doing quite an accurate impression of JC presenting a programme called 'The 100 greatest numbers' the only line I can remember offhand was him bragging about having the biggest cheeks on television.

There's even a Bear's tail website for people who just can't get enough of it:

http://www.abearstail.co.uk/

[mayer]

But that's mocking his ubiquity on list shows, but not his actual act.

[Jemble Fred]

But that's mocking his ubiquity on list shows.

Which he doesn't actually do anymore.

[Labian Quest]

But that's mocking his ubiquity on list shows, but not his actual act.

I can't remember exactly what the character said, but they did seem to be taking the piss out of his patter/style of comedy/whatever. It was only about 30 seconds or so long  though.

[Munday's Chylde]

It was the way he talked mostly, the long pauses, the one tone delivery, the elequoent swearing and the Carresque phrases like "I think you'll find..."

In fact for someone like Francis who prides himself on not doing proper impressions, it was a good impression.

I doubt it was done with malice.

[The Mumbler]

But that's mocking his ubiquity on list shows.

Which he doesn't actually do anymore.

Is that official?  He's done a couple only this year.

[Paul Dee]

Bob Mortimer is in it tonight which, whilst not the greatest shock in the world with him appearing on Bo Selecta, is still worthy for those of you out there who are gluttons for punishment.