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Keith Allen

Started by turnstyle, December 07, 2021, 08:15:57 PM

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Keith Allen?

Cunt
25 (17.5%)
Mega cunt
17 (11.9%)
Uber cunt
5 (3.5%)
Mega Uber cunt
47 (32.9%)
Yeah, bit of a cunt
39 (27.3%)
Misunderstood cunt
10 (7%)

Total Members Voted: 143

turnstyle

Important poll about the life and times of comedian Keith Allen.

Please feel free to add your own opinions on Keith Allen's career. Highlights, lowlights, middlelights.

turnstyle

Also, once this poll closes, it will be legally binding, and Mr Allen will have to be addressed by the title bestowed on him by the good community of CaB.

Stoneage Dinosaurs

Up until recently I'd heard the vindaloo song a lot and knew deep down that Fat Les probably wasn't an actual fat bloke called Les, but never in a million years would I have guessed it was a band consisting of Keith Allen, Alex James and the guy who put the shark in the tank.

I don't know much about the guy but I think he could very well be a cunt.

DJ Bob Hoskins

Imagine being the worst thing in a New Order video which features John Barnes rapping, multiply it by a thousand and you're still nowhere near it.

the science eel

Like Lily.

So maybe there's a bit of good in him

somersetchris

Quote from: DJ Bob Hoskins on December 07, 2021, 09:28:22 PMImagine being the worst thing in a New Order video which features John Barnes rapping, multiply it by a thousand and you're still nowhere near it.

The best part about that is that everyone gave it a go, and John Barnes was the best one. Peter Beardsley sounds like he's having a stroke. I heard it on a podcast recently - Socially Distant Sports Bar, probably?

somersetchris

Quote from: the science eel on December 07, 2021, 09:31:25 PMLike Lily.

So maybe there's a bit of good in him

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Glebe

Pondered this in another thread, but isn't Blur's 'Charmless Man' supposed to be about Allen?

BJBMK2

Quite like Vin-Da-Loo by Keith Allen.

Quote from: Glebe on December 07, 2021, 09:32:28 PMPondered this in another thread, but isn't Blur's 'Charmless Man' supposed to be about Allen?

I really hope so. Love the idea of Tory cheese cunt providing the bassline to a song about his bezzie, hanger on, no talent twat of a mate.

Quote from: Glebe on December 07, 2021, 09:32:28 PMPondered this in another thread, but isn't Blur's 'Charmless Man' supposed to be about Allen?

I've often suspected as much, especially given they cast a fella that looks suspiciously like him in the video.

lazyhour

His turn in an episode of Inspector Morse is pretty incredible and worth seeking out.

"JU-JU MAN! CHARLA-TAN!"

sevendaughters

Quote from: Glebe on December 07, 2021, 09:32:28 PMPondered this in another thread, but isn't Blur's 'Charmless Man' supposed to be about Allen?

no, both Charmless AND Country House are about Food head honcho Dave Balfe

I like Allen's documentary on lotto lout Michael Carroll

Glebe

Quote from: sevendaughters on December 07, 2021, 09:43:19 PMno, both Charmless AND Country House are about Food head honcho Dave Balfe

Oh right. I always assumed 'Country House' was Damon being autobiographical.

ProvanFan

Douse him with Listerine

Twit 2

Till his arms are hard and mean.

BJBMK2

The Paris Hilton of Britpop

Cold Meat Platter

There's a documentary called 'Tourette de France' where Allen and John Davidson take a busload of kids with Tourette's to France to visit the hospital where the condition was identified.
John Davidson makes a spirited attempt to punch him in the bollocks outside Notre Dame cathedral before going on to shout "bomb!" at the armed police patrolling the area.
The 2000s.

mippy

The first single I bought was World In Motion, so I just can't see him as more than a little bit cunt-flavoured.

Brundle-Fly

He's a fine screen actor. Excellent in the recent The Pembrokeshire Murders, but I suspect people would rather chat about him being a cunt twenty odd years ago for some reason.

mippy

Actually, cancel that, I've remembered Fat Les' Naughty Christmas.

Quote from: sevendaughters on December 07, 2021, 09:43:19 PMno, both Charmless AND Country House are about Food head honcho Dave Balfe


Are you sure CM is about Balfe as well? I know Colin Zeal was the other one that was definitely about him. And Coping was intended as a dig at him due to his hatred of Julian Cope. How many bloody songs did Damon write about him?


Jake Thingray

Among his recent works is Rise Of The Footsoldier: Origins. Hmmm.

somersetchris

Quote from: Brundle-Fly on December 07, 2021, 09:59:12 PMHe's a fine screen actor. Excellent in the recent The Pembrokeshire Murders, but I suspect people would rather chat about him being a cunt twenty odd years ago for some reason.

Because apparently only recent things count..? Being a good actor definitely does not preclude one being a cunt. Kevin Spacey is a good actor.

If you watch the old Comic Strip films you can see how desperately he wants it to be all about him, and in the ones he wrote he is always the main character.

Also isn't he one of those hilarious lads who always gets his cock out whether anyone wants him to or not? Banter!

Dr Rock

I liked The Bullshitters.

Brundle-Fly


[/quote]
Quote from: somersetchris on December 07, 2021, 10:40:24 PMBecause apparently only recent things count..? Being a good actor definitely does not preclude one being a cunt. Kevin Spacey is a good actor.


Keith Allen always comes up on CaB like kryptonite. Yes, I know he's a cunt, you know he's a cunt. He would say it himself. It's a bit like taking a rocket launcher to a barrel of fish. A very old barrel of fish.

BeardFaceMan

Quote from: Brundle-Fly on December 07, 2021, 10:55:07 PMKeith Allen always comes up on CaB like kryptonite. Yes, I know he's a cunt, you know he's a cunt. He would say it himself. It's a bit like taking a rocket launcher to a barrel of fish. A very old barrel of fish.

God, don't go in the Glinner threads then. Or the Gervais ones. Or CaB in general, really.

Noodle Lizard

I don't know a whole lot about his career, but I went to a party he was at when I was 12 or 13 because my mum was a friend of his wife (or ex-wife). I was into guitar at the time, and he basically told me I should leave school and just do that instead. Busking, specifically. Dreadful advice, obviously, though it has stuck with me and I think he had good intentions.

Twonty Gostelow

Wasn't his sketch show one of the first comedy shows made for UK satellite TV? I've never met anyone who's seen it.

PowerButchi

Another forum I'm on recently had a post about how performer on World in Motion and England's Irie Keith Allen saw his arse when Shithouse and Skinner released Three Lions 98 keeping Vindaloo off the top as in his opinion they should have give someone new a chance. He's the least self aware person of all time and he looks like he smells.

PowerButchi

Quote from: somersetchris on December 07, 2021, 10:40:24 PMIf you watch the old Comic Strip films you can see how desperately he wants it to be all about him, and in the ones he wrote he is always the main character.



And his tend to be the shittest too.

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