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March 29, 2024, 09:15:30 AM

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Things your dad is still doing.

Started by Glebe, November 02, 2021, 08:50:35 PM

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Glebe

"Dad, why is there a large yellow bird in the back garden?"

"Sorry son, didn't catch that... just off to the vegetable shop to get some greens for me Chocobo! Need to get around the world map safely and quickly!"

"WARK!"

jenna appleseed

Silly (your) Daddy, that's not a Chocobo, you(or Norman)'ve gone and accidentally kidnapped a very angry bloke in a Big Bird costume from that kiddy nostalgia night.

jenna appleseed

Now that his original friend Norman has died and been buried, your dad has replaced him with another next door neighbour, also called Norman.

frajer

Unfortunately your dad's shed-based cloning tech is rudimentary at best and Norman now has an insatiable craving for human flesh, but will be calmed by a 14-piece KFC bargain bucket.

PlanktonSideburns

I would be delighted if someone rocked up at my funeral dressed as parappa the rapper

Your dad has bought a Sharp Viewcam with a view to make Weekend At Normie's.

Glebe

"Hey Dad could you-"

Your dad is meditating crossed-legged in the middle of the spare room. 'Nothing unusual about that,' I hear you cry. But the fact is the man is literally LEVITATING FIVE FEET OFF THE FLOOR!

"Gasp! Dad, how did you-"

"-Relax, son. You must allow the energy of the universe to flow through you. You have much to learn my very young apprentice!"

Kankurette

Your dad is outside having a beer with the cat. "Come join us, son," he says. "Bernard here was just telling me about the hot catsex he had last night with that sexy Siamese at Number 22. She'll be walking very funny for a week, mark my words." The cat licks Carlsberg out of his bowl and winks at you.

Norm later comes over to have a word. His Siamese is heavily pregnant and crying about how Bernard humped and dumped her.

Glebe

Quote from: Kankurette on July 12, 2022, 08:58:02 PMYour dad is outside having a beer with the cat. "Come join us, son," he says. "Bernard here was just telling me about the hot catsex he had last night with that sexy Siamese at Number 22. She'll be walking very funny for a week, mark my words." The cat licks Carlsberg out of his bowl and winks at you.

Norm later comes over to have a word. His Siamese is heavily pregnant and crying about how Bernard humped and dumped her.



"Nothing to do with me mate. Go on stick that kettle on."

Kankurette

Your dad makes everyone a nice cup of tea. Norm sniffs the tea. "Just checking for almonds, old bean."

Everyone laughs, but he's not joking.

Glebe

"Just been to Thor's Lovely Thunders son, hilarious film but surprisingly scary!"

"Yeah sound's like Glebe just saw that himself he should grow up and get a life."

frajer

Your dad is slamming fistfuls of glace cherries down his gob and when challenged just says "YOLO."

Glebe

Your dad's impromptu party is going swimmingly. At least in his eyes.

"Come on son, Norm, have a can!"

"No thanks dad. Better be going soon."

"Oh Pat! Don't leave me Pat!"

"Ha ha. Frank Butcher."

"Ooh Betty!"

"If he starts doing 'is Sean Connery again I'll chuffin' well twat 'im!" mutters Norm.

frajer

"Frankly mish moneypenny I don't give a damn!"

Renowned cinephile Norm doesn't know how much more of this he can stomach.

Your dad punches Norman for calling himself a cinephile but vows to keep his secret and thanks Norman for feeling able to share it with him.

Glebe

"Do you heve a lisonce fer zis monkey?"

"That's nothing like Sellers!"

Fr.Bigley

Your dad just saw his idea for portable bin jacuzzi being ripped off and is packing up the zafira with 2×4's riddled with nails to drive to Cheshire, norm is grinding his teeth revving the bollocks out the car....

https://www.joe.co.uk/life/man-tries-to-cash-in-on-heatwave-347918

Kankurette

Quote from: Glebe on July 11, 2022, 06:34:55 PM"Dad, why is there a large yellow bird in the back garden?"

"Sorry son, didn't catch that... just off to the vegetable shop to get some greens for me Chocobo! Need to get around the world map safely and quickly!"

"WARK!"
Your dad answers the door to a very angry Mr Hojo, accompanied by his crying son Sephiroth.

"No, you can't have your football back," says your dad.

Glebe

Quote from: Kankurette on July 15, 2022, 04:20:31 PMYour dad answers the door to a very angry Mr Hojo, accompanied by his crying son Sephiroth.

"No, you can't have your football back," says your dad.

"Not to worry son, we're off to the Costa del Sol next week, you can kick it around all you like there! Just need to get the boat from Junon!"

Your dad is trying to mix a batch of Brut Aquatonic in his bath.

Glebe

Your dad's attempt to mend the shed proves absolutely catastrophic, much to Norman's amusement!


frajer

Your dad has removed all the shelves from the fridge and is going in. "Don't look at me like that son, Norm's on guard duty in case I get stuck!"

"Norm's asleep in the garden under a blanket of Bird's Eye frozen goods."

"Just resting my eyes!!"

Glebe

Quote from: frajer on July 17, 2022, 02:59:03 PMYour dad has removed all the shelves from the fridge and is going in. "Don't look at me like that son, Norm's on guard duty in case I get stuck!"

"Norm's asleep in the garden under a blanket of Bird's Eye frozen goods."

"Just resting my eyes!!"

"Help! Your dad's become stuck in the fridge like in them 1970's public information films!"

"Don't worry Norm we'll soon have him out!  Hang on... the fridge is open and he's not in there! Where could he be?"

"You don't think he crawled into that old fridge the neighbours left out to be taken away do you?"

"Nah Norm give him some credit!"

Meanwhile at the dump:


Glebe

Your dad is having his own Diana Ross-themed disco party in the front room.

"Gonna take a chance-ah, have a dance-ah! It's like a blooming Wigan soul night in here son!"

Glebe

"Who's that at the door, Norm?"

"It's the police your dad!"

"Excuse me sir, we've had complaints about public nudity from your neighbours. Please put some clothes on."

"Fuck's sake, I'm in the privacy of me back garden! Okay then... fetch me thong Norm! Bacardi Breezer lads? Oh right you're on duty. Sorry about the erection!"

frajer

Your dad has changed his screen name to SweatyBapz and is embroiled in a bitter feud with Norman, who swears blind he was going to do this when he got home from the pub last night.

"Yeah and what did you do instead? Fell asleep tugging one out to the Sewing Bee. Get better at wanking!"

Stoneage Dinosaurs

Your dad is still putting Rogaine on his eyebrows in order to look more like a Gallagher

Glebe

Your dad is busy trimming the rhododendrons in the front garden when some tattooed youths walk past.

"Blummin' weirdos," he mutters to himself before going inside to watch The One Show and daydream about nazi memorabilia.

bgmnts

Claiming disability due to unchecked psoriasis and chlamydia.

frajer

Your dad has just got Disney+ and is disgruntled to find the + doesn't mean grumble.

"I thought it meant Disney After Dark or something. Disney Late Nights. Disney plus a bit of something extra. Come on, they know what they're implying. You still there, son?"