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March 28, 2024, 09:10:35 PM

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Hating the compliment "unconventionally attractive"

Started by itsfredtitmus, June 27, 2022, 06:10:45 PM

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itsfredtitmus

Is my mumsnet and fear of compliments showing or does this phrase give anyone the massive willies?  unless it's referring to a certain type of beauty that's rare and transcends standards and times (Monroe, Debbie Harry, people like that) a simple "oh, ur ded gorge, u, wah x" is more than needed. I feel like it's almost always going to be perceived as neggy and blah and make the person that's supposed to be at the end of a compliment question themselves, and often these people know what they're doing anyway by using it. ("what is it that makes me UNconventional? wHaT's GoInG oN??!")

From my experience it seems to be exclusively used by people that are incapable of showing their admiration for another person without couching it in mystery and allure and to be honest has often served as a missed red flag for a lot worse things to come.

alright who'd give 80s ricky gervais the what-for then? this is why i made the thread, for this bit

TrenterPercenter

I think it means you don't look like a Love Island contestant. It's a nice compliment in my opinion, I very much doubt it intended to "make people question themselves" and I don't people saying it are thinking about it even remotely as much as you are making out, they are just literally saying you are attractive but not in way that is commonly promoted and marketed, enjoy it.

Small Man Big Horse

I think you should always say "You look beautiful today. It is the first day you have ever looked beautiful. Well done".

One woman said to me "You make me so wet" and then put my hand on her genitals. It is the best compliment I have ever received and makes up for all the times women have screamed at the sight of my face.

TrenterPercenter

bit different to say "You are unconventionally attractive but sadly, alas, I am only into conventionally attractive people and therefore do not think you are attractive, despite me just saying you are, which what I actually meant was you are attractive to people that are attracted to people that are not conventionally attractive"

If people didn't think you were attractive they just wouldn't say anything unless they are doing it because they want you to feel attractive which is actually quite a nice thing to do regardless.

Dr Rock


gilbertharding


gilbertharding

Quote from: TrenterPercenter on June 27, 2022, 06:17:17 PMI think it means you don't look like a Love Island contestant. It's a nice compliment in my opinion, I very much doubt it intended to "make people question themselves" and I don't people saying it are thinking about it even remotely as much as you are making out, they are just literally saying you are attractive but not in way that is commonly promoted and marketed, enjoy it.

People have such varied ideas about attractiveness I don't know how you could have any kind of meaningful yardstick anyway.

Demis Roussos, Brad Pitt... I think those are the two extreme points, and while I'd say that one was less conventionally attractive than the other, I reckon they both attract as many people as they repulse.

kittens


TrenterPercenter

Quote from: gilbertharding on June 27, 2022, 06:28:49 PMPeople have such varied ideas about attractiveness I don't know how you could have any kind of meaningful yardstick anyway.

Completely, attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder.

However, conventionally attractive (what it means) is a product of stereotyped perceptions of what being attractive is (a convention if you will).  Not sure on the idea that Monroe or Debbie Harry are unconventionally attractive they are the opposite as is Brad, conventional, Roussos, or Cassel unconventional, it is subjective, but not for the convention.

Dr Rock

Benedict Crumblepatch
Bjork?
Stavros Halkias (now he's got his look together)
Christina Ricco?
Tom Waits

TrenterPercenter

The thing is however all those people have just had stylists and have the monied glow.  A lot of attractiveness nowadays is about looking wealthy basically (pssst because our media is dominated by middle class people).

Thursday

It's a bad compliment even if it's not meant badly.

dissolute ocelot

Sorry, but "I find you unconventionally attractive" seems more like "I am a person of more than average discrimination who also likes free jazz and Russian films in which nothing happens very slowly" than "You're really cute!"

pigamus

Quote from: Small Man Big Horse on June 27, 2022, 06:20:13 PMOne woman said to me "You make me so wet" and then put my hand on her genitals.

I never tire of your Thora Hird stories

Chollis

Quote from: Small Man Big Horse on June 27, 2022, 06:20:13 PMOne woman said to me "You make me so wet" and then put my hand on her genitals.

what happened next?

Stoneage Dinosaurs

Conventionally attractive: Chris Hemsworth
Unconventionally attractive: Jarvis Cocker
Conventionally unattractive: Rupert Murdoch
Unconventionally unattractive: Nicholas Lyndhurst

TrenterPercenter

Quote from: Stoneage Dinosaurs on June 27, 2022, 07:00:03 PMUnconventionally attractive: Jarvis Cocker

Even this is taking things too far I think it is more you don't look like a Blind Date contestant.  It isn't about being alternative, there are certain facial structures and body types the media are obsessed with, the fact is you can still give someone the horn despite this propaganda, it's a good thing.

pigamus


QDRPHNC


Dr Rock


TrenterPercenter

Quote from: QDRPHNC on June 27, 2022, 07:09:20 PMYou're weird-looking but it's ok I'm into it.

(I know this jokes) It really doesn't mean this though, it's unconventionally attractive, not weird, unconventional is not weird it's just not typical.

Small Man Big Horse

Quote from: Chollis on June 27, 2022, 06:52:00 PMwhat happened next?

We had sex, I almost came really quickly, which was presumably clearly apparent due to the face I was making, and she shouted out "Margaret Thatcher" in the hope of delaying my orgasm. Which did indeed happen, but then I lost my erection and thus sexually disappointed her.

Sigh. I really wish that wasn't a true story, but it sadly is.

checkoutgirl

Quote from: Dr Rock on June 27, 2022, 06:24:16 PMI'd just focus on the attractive part.

Yeah, take what you can get. Life's hard enough.

bgmnts

As someone who has been called a fat ugly cunt, I think I wouldn't mind unconventionally attractive. I've never been called attractive in my life.

In fact, the qualifier of unconventional would make me think either it was more genuine or they tried to make it sound more genuine by adding that caveat. If someone just said I was attractive I'd know they were lying. So, I would appreciate the extra effort to be honest.

jobotic

You're hideous, but hideous kinda jazzes me baby.




I've been called an "acquired taste"

itsfredtitmus

I haven't read the replies yet but what sparked the thread was realising how big of a deal receiving a genuine and straight forward compliment from a woman in Tesco and a friend were after receiving nothing but back-handed, rubbishy ones that always ended in "...but", "yea, you're a bit xywz...but I like that about you!" and "even when you're not flattering, I still find you xywz" that me feel like absolute arse from a rather foul person that's not in my life

It's impish and a rubbish way to compliment someone, surely people know this?

TrenterPercenter

No, as pointed out it's fine, you are over thinking it and for some reason getting riled about it when someone else hasn't even said it.

Stick to Sainsbury's in the future you'll find a higher level of compliments in my experience, better lighting.

somersetchris

It's not an insult, but it would be a bit rude to say it to someone's face because it sounds like negging. But you could use it when you are describing someone, or why you like them, to a third party.

I think it would be a bit obtuse to say there aren't conventions of what is attractive and what isn't, taking out fashions for blondeness or thinness or whatever, it's about having certain features in certain proportions, and a degree of symmetry. But you can still be attractive and not have these things. For example, conventionally attractive might include straight white teeth in a symmetrical smile. You can have an overbite or wonky teeth and still be attractive, in some cases it can be more attractive because it's unique. In fact, I read that 100% symmetry in a face would be off-putting as it looks artificial, so in a way it is the imperfections that make us attracted to a person, so sometimes when the imperfections are bigger, that can increase the appeal.

QDRPHNC

If you have to explain a compliment, it's probably not the best choice, despite how it is intended.

imitationleather

How would you feel about having your willy described as "bijoux"?