Conversations with Strangers

[El Unicornio, mang]

One time when I played a show with my band in Orlando this old bloke came up and offered to buy me a drink, and after a bit of small talk asked "So do you have lots of girls around then? Pretty girls?" and kept going on about it, he was clearly latching on to me because he thought that as we were a band we must have a veritable banquet of nubile young ladies who would be willing to satisfy anyone acquainted with us.

I find that the smoking outside pubs law has increased talking with strangers. I think it's a good thing. I'm not really into having strangers talking to me but usually it turns out to be a positive experience.

[hpmons]

The transient nature of it practically guarantees you'll never see each other again, and I can't be arsed wasting my breath on people I'll never see again

But to my mind thats the point! You can have a meaningless conversation with someone, and the worst that can happen is someone you will never meet again thinks you are a complete nutter.

You are all such scaredy cats.

[El Unicornio, mang]

In Italy this lovely little old Italian man helped me and my friend get to the right train station, and we talked with him non-stop (in broken English) for the 20 minutes or so that he guided us around. When we bid him farewell I felt a bit sad as I knew we'd never see him again. Most of the time interactions with strangers are pretty humdrum but sometimes you'll meet someone wonderful like that which makes meeting strangers seem like a good thing to do. Plus, remember the old cliche, "Every friend starts out as a stranger!"

[Saucer51]

I don't visit London much but I've been told that the craziest thing one can do whilst up there is to strike up a conversation with a stranger on the tube. Any truth in this?

[El Unicornio, mang]

Unless you're American, people will indeed think you're an escaped mentalist

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

It's pretty much impossible to hold a conversation on the tube anyway, what with it being so noisy.

[Caroline]

Unless you're American, people will indeed think you're an escaped mentalist

It is amazing how many people you can just strike up a conversation with here in America! I really like it, and will inevitably look like a total mentalist when I go back to England and just keep doing it out of habit.

[easytarget]

Getting been beaten up by a cabbie before left me naturally wary of them

Sorry to hear that.
On the other hand - that sounds like a hell of a story, pleas say more about it!

[ThickAndCreamy]

Seeing as I live in London this idea of talking to strangers is totally alien to me. When people do attempt to do it, it seems like they are socially ill or unacceptable.

THIS IS HOW LONDON DESTROYS YOU, NEVER MOVE TO LONDON FOR IT IS EVIL.

[SweetRosalyn]

I had a great conversation - well, encounter - with a stranger the other day - my boyfriend lost his wallet when he was drunk, so we went down the police station to report the loss / see if it had been handed in.  Whilst we were waiting in reception a man answering the typical description of 'tramp' wandered in, with a bag, and a dog on a string.  A policeman came and had a quick word with him, about his mate who was in custody, bits and pieces of which floated over to us, such as him explaining that his mate was just looking after the cannabis for him, it was his really, and the look on the policeman's face as he decided to pretend he hadn't heard that, before finally the policeman took the bag and left to go back to the man in custody, leaving the tramp and dog alone with us.

After shuffling around a bit, he wandered over toward us, and asks 'I don't spose either of you has a cup of tea on you, do you?' After double-checking my bag for cup and saucer I regretfully explained that i did not, as did Mr.Rosalyn.  He thought about that for a bit, before asking if we had any water, to which we also had to reply in the negative.  He then tried to find a toilet, but discovered it was locked.  He then pulled out a bottle of pills, and proceeded to swallow the entire contents dry, before chucking the bottle onto the floor, and announcing that they couldn't arrest him now, nope, definitely couldn't pin anything on him now! (Note, there is a CCTV camera with a great view of him, and he's IN A POLICE STATION.  And the pill bottle is on the floor next to him.)

Turning to us, he confided that he'd just taken 'enough LSD to kill a horse' and would begin hallucinating shortly.  He then sprawled out on the bench and relaxed.  The receptionist arrived at this point, and began taking the details of the lost wallet.  Our hobo friend interrupted at various points to clarify details as to where it was lost, and what it looked like, before announcing that we mustn't worry, he would find it for us, he would go to that pub and search the area and find the wallet and return it to us.  No problem.

Throughout it all the dog looked remarkably unimpressed, and somewhat embarrassed.

[El Unicornio, mang]

It is amazing how many people you can just strike up a conversation with here in America! I really like it, and will inevitably look like a total mentalist when I go back to England and just keep doing it out of habit.

I know. The weirdest thing for me living there was strangers saying hello to me as I passed them on the street. People here don't even make eye contact.

[rudi]

That's just not true though, is it? It's all about context, geography, personal space etc.

My work takes me into villages across Hampshire, W & E Sussex, Surrey, IoW, Wiltshire as well as the towns and cities therein.

The factor that mostly decides if strangers talk to you is the size of the place, the amount of personal space you're afforded and the amount of concrete pavements there are in the vicinity. People don't talk to you in Paris, but are gregarious to the point of pushy in the wee villes that dot Normandy; Amsterdam is a busy hotchpotch and a perfect place to remain anonymous, but yer average small-town Dutchman is uber-friendly (and they all speak fabulous English, the buggers).

The only blip in this theory seems to be Germany, but I have a pet theory that's due to the relative novelty (as in newness) of their cities (thanks to our friendly bomber command) making them generally far more spacious affairs - even their underground systems are generously proportioned, after all...

[The Widow of Brid]

That and the fact that Germany is a hole. A hole populated entirely by Kays catalogue clad, rugby club mindsetted, cunts.

Germany: Love Dagenham? Wish it was massive and somehow worse? Do we have the country for you!

[hpmons]

My work takes me into villages across Hampshire, W & E Sussex, Surrey, IoW, Wiltshire as well as the towns and cities therein.

I STILL don't know what you do for a job.  But every single time you mention it, I assume you're a travelling wine salesman.  Like this but with wine...somehow. A dishonest travelling wine salesman.

[Saucer51]

People here don't even make eye contact.

Contact often happens between strangers if the train is very late, or there's been a bad accident, a disaster or a juicy incident. Bad things are a bond. The chance to bitch and compare horror stories.

[rudi]

That and the fact that Germany is a hole. A hole populated entirely by Kays catalogue clad, rugby club mindsetted, cunts.

Germany: Love Dagenham? Wish it was massive and somehow worse? Do we have the country for you!

Blimey, I love loads about Germany (well, the bits I've been to - it's quite sizable I believe). They take fun ever so seriously and I find that utterly charming.

I STILL don't know what you do for a job.  But every single time you mention it, I assume you're a travelling wine salesman.  Like this but with wine...somehow. A dishonest travelling wine salesman.

You're close - I sell dishonest wine. It assures you you won't get a hangover, but it lies...

[Dark Sky]

Contact often happens between strangers if the train is very late, or there's been a bad accident, a disaster or a juicy incident. Bad things are a bond.

Ooh it's like Ian McEwan's Enduring Love!

Most times I have contact with strangers is at busstops either when the bus is stupidly late (where we exchange little shrugging rolleyes) or when there's some drunk nutter there shouting to himself and throwing cobs into the road (where middle aged women tend to lean towards me and say things like, "it's sad isn't it.  We all have choices in life..."

[MuteBanana]

What about being forced against your will to be part of a group of strangers? Like on a bus or train.

You know those groups of young people, friends that are having a good time. Chatting, laughing, joking. Everyone else on the carriage is furious that these people are happy, they just want to be miserable and silent on the journey home.  Why won't they just shut up? Annoying pricks.

But then one of them says something really funny and you want to laugh, you feel almost like you're part of the group and if you were to start laughing, they'd turn around and give you a little nod of recognition. Really though they'd probably think you were weird, so you have to stifle the laugh and force your mouth not to smile. You try to remember how you felt about this group of people fifteen minutes earlier when they forced themselves into your life. But it's no use and in the end you try to hide your face, staring out the window and smile to yourself at the hilarious joke.

The infectious bastards have done it, they've won you over and they weren't even trying and they don't even care. And then they all get off, your new friends, you never spoke to them or knew their names, and now they've gone forever.

[rudi]

Do you ever wake up to find tears on your pillow but not remember why?

[An tSaoi]

What about being forced against your will to be part of a group of strangers? Like on a bus or train.

Or in nightclubs, where your friends will meet up with a few people you've never met, then bugger off to go dancing, leaving you with Friend-of-a-Friend #223B and #543Z-R. Cue much awkward "So what do you study"? nonsense for a few minutes until the connecting friends return.

[Jack Shaftoe]

<tag> Strangers are just cunts you haven't met yet</tag>

Actually most people I just sort of bump into turn out to be really rather nice. But social interaction exhausts me, and when I go into Caffe Nero for my 8.30 coffee and the woman behind the counter says 'and how has your morning been so far?' I just want to say 'OH FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF I DON'T WANT TO EVEN THINK ABOUT MY MORNING LET ALONE DISCUSS IT WITH SOME SIXTEEN YEAR OLD BLONDE BINT' and run out, sobbing.

I do spot a few other people on the 8.30am coffee run (we are sitters in, so clearly with no fixed portfolio), but we have a tacit agreement to nod tersely to each other on the way to the loo AND THAT'S ALL.

If I wanted to talk to real people, I'd go on the internet.

[The Widow of Brid]

Blimey, I love loads about Germany (well, the bits I've been to - it's quite sizable I believe). They take fun ever so seriously and I find that utterly charming.

Yeah, but you've got the comfort of having sold all your dishonest wine. To everyone else it's a group of adults playing Fuzzy Duck, on the human face, forever.

[Serge]

Yeah, but you've got the comfort of having sold all your dishonest wine. To everyone else it's a group of adults playing Fuzzy Duck, on the human face, forever.

You must have the wrong place, I love Germany. Apart from anything else, if anyone comes up and tries to start a conversation with me, I don't understand what they're saying. Fantastic.

There's no part of Dagenham that looks like Luneburg or Goslar.

[An tSaoi]

Why does everyone loads of people think Germans are uptight serious pricks? The ones I've met have been lovely and slyly funny. And everyone loads of people think the language is harsh and guttural. What are they on about, it's lovely. I could listen to Germans easier that I could French people (It's all bleurgh de bleurgh bleu, innit?).

_{Have I spelt slyly correctly? It doesn't look right.}

[The Widow of Brid]

Joking aside, I imagine my genuine discomfort while in Germany is largely due to the fact that most of my time there has been spent in suburban/semi-rural areas, where casual racism/xenophobia, insularism^* and a rigidly maintained class structure are very much still the order of the day (cue anecdote about having to get a manager down to confirm someone really honestly was here to do office work rather than the manual labour they kept being told to report for, because they had a foreign name).

I do realise that in areas with a more mixed population things probably feel a great deal less threatening.

Why does everyone loads of people think Germans are uptight serious pricks?

It's not so much uptight, just very very fond of structure. There's a real culture of We work hard! We play hard! Within clearly pre-agreed boundaries and of course only after having collected this months subscriptions! Raar, go go Nord Rhein Westfalen Wednesday night drinking vodka until we're sick society (Langenfeld division)!
As rudi said further up, it can be quite sweet if you're not already feeling prickly and threatened.

That's just the dominant culture though, there's going to be Germans all over the place who hate that kind of thing.

^* _{is this even a word?}
 

[An tSaoi]

We play hard! Within clearly pre-agreed boundaries

Just like General Bullshit.

[Serge]

casual racism/xenophobia, insularism and a rigidly maintained class structure

That covers quite a fair bit of Britain, too. Probably the entire world, actually.

[The Widow of Brid]

Possibly. It didn't make me feel any more comfortable about hearing the phrase 'half n**ger' used repeatedly in a work enviroment. And I've never worked anywhere in the UK where that would have been considered acceptable.

[hpmons]

Man walking along street eating chips: (something something)
Me: Sorry?
Him: I was saying you look very cute...
Me: Oh! Thankyou.   ...Can I have some of your chips?
Him: Here you go. Yeah, you just look very petite in your coat. Cute.

[An tSaoi]

He was clearly a rapist.