Spending Chistmas Day on cab

[massive bereavement]

So which of you sad lonely cunts are going to be posting on this board on Christmas Day?

I won't be, because my 18 children (all by different mothers) will be coming round to my snow covered cottage in the Black Forest to light up my day with their beaming innocent smiles at the sight of the REAL santa delivering their presents followed by their 18 mothers dressed in skimpy Santa outfits dancing erotically solely for my pleasure.

I've also got Nigella Lawson in a fishnet body stocking cooking my fuck off giant Turkey .

Ho ho ho ho ho ho,.

Ho

HO - HO

[biggytitbo]

I will if I have an internet connection in 'the prison'. Either that or I will have had myself hospitalized and me in a merry morphine soaked coma.

[Hank_Kingsley]

What a depressing notion. Christmas day is for spending with family and for making drunken obscene phonecalls to women you went to school with.

Santa's got something in his sack for you....a power drill. YOU BITCH!

[ThickAndCreamy]

Nah, Christmas and Boxing day are sacred to me. Excesses of food and booze combined with a board game, cards and shouting is the best option!

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Ah there's always a lull late afternoon, I should pop in and see what's going on, and obviously get jealous and throw over all your presents. As long as the hangover's worn off.

[massive bereavement]

If I get a spare second to think of you sad shits, I'll post some pics of my GREAT DAY.

I now need to finish packing, Gary Numan is flying me over to Germany in his private jet tonight. Will keep you posted how I'm getting on.

[HerronQ]

Cookin' turkey and bombin' drugs, no doubt with hilarious consequences.

[biggytitbo]

I'll be spending the whole period with crippling stomach cramps and hideous malformed stools. Don;t worry though, I'll keep you all informed with 'blow by blow' accounts.

[mook]

and hideous malformed stools.

That's what you get for asking Santa for fucking Ikea flat pack furnture for christmas - Look, I'm a carpenter, if you get stuck PM me the day after boxing day and I'll put them together for you.


Love mook...xx

[Emma Raducanu]

I'll be busy playing outside with my new rollerskates

[massive bereavement]

Message for the spell checking tag wankers - You try typing a letter "R" with an oriental avatar and see how you get on.
And shouldn't you pathetic tramps be busy queuing up outside the soup kitchens for your xmas meal before they run out.

[purlieu]

I'll be here about 10PM making drunken rants about how good or bad Doctor Who is.  Both the new one and the mountain of DVDs I'm getting for Christmas.

[boxofslice]

I will be too busy doing volunteer work with the homeless this xmas day.




Not really! I'll be getting drunk, playing lame games and watching bad tv with friends and relatives.  Unlucky tramps!

[buttgammon]

I'll be spending the day eating shitloads, getting progressively more drunk, denying how drunk I am, swearing in front of prudish elderly relatives, going on and on and on and on and on and on about Alesha Dixon who I once considered myself to mildly fancy, declaring my sobriety and then falling over when I attempt to leave the sofa.

Same every year.

[massive bereavement]

You lot posting shit in an attempt to convince everybody how normal you are doesn't disguise the FACT that you lowlife's are going to be crying over your saucer of dry brown rice whilst I gaze upon Nigella Lawson's bare arse dancing around my kitchen from under her body stocking.
You wait till you see the pics. At least you can have a wank over that whilst I fuck my 18 x's.

[purlieu]

Stop saying body stocking.

[massive bereavement]

[biggytitbo]

You lot posting shit in an attempt to convince everybody how normal you are doesn't disguise the FACT that you lowlife's are going to be crying over your saucer of dry brown rice whilst I gaze upon Nigella Lawson's bare arse dancing around my kitchen from under her body stocking.
You wait till you see the pics. At least you can have a wank over that whilst I fuck my 18 x's.

This is what she looks like in a body stocking. FACT.

Noel's Addicts

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

.....

WANT

[sick as a pike]

That.... matter in the glass; that's just come out of her bottom, that has.

[Emma Raducanu]

She must be a lizard.

[_Hypnotoad_]

That.... matter in the glass; that's just come out of her bottom, that has.

I'd eat the fucking lot and I'd love it

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

She's so hot she actually shits chocolate ice cream.

[hpmons]

This will be the second time in my life that we won't be going to Nana's this Christmas.  So I'll be on here all day, hip hip!

Actually if I'm not bored of it by then, I'll be trying to learn PHP on Christmas Day.

[biggytitbo]

Thats what comes out of my bottom on the 26th.

[boki]

She's so hot she actually shits chocolate ice cream.

She was a stuntwoman in 2girls1cup?

As infintely do-able as Nigella is, we do need to bear in mind that her dad's old constituency isn't all that far from Purlieu's hometown, so consider the CaB-porridge potential...

[boxofslice]

It's going to be a MILF xmas.  I'd happily stuff that bird.

[An tSaoi]

Of course I'm going to be on CaB. What else am I going to do? Spend time with my family so I can hear my mother complain about politicians and the price of Roses for five hours while my dad sits moodily in the corner, turning the volume on the telly up every time someone tries to speak?

[massive bereavement]

Just rang the agency to double check about Nigella - It's definitely ON lads! I also got a text from Numan to say he's on his way. This is going to be the BEST XMAS EVER!
All thanks to my stinkingly rich Uncle.

Not sure if there will be a wireless signal out there, so in case there isn't, let me just say - Enjoy the sound of drunken yobs waking you up in the middle of the night over Xmas and pissing through your terraced council house letter boxes.

[boki]

You're going to have Nigella piss through my letterbox?! I never knew you cared!

By the way, it's a council semi, not a terrace - don't go sending her to some other cunt's place!