queer/trans comrades thread

[tookish]

Nice one, Z.

Seeing your post just before xmas was part of the inspiration that finally pushed me over the trans precipice, so thanks, and thanks to GoblinAhFuckScary (more inspiration) for starting this thread, also. I'm a longtime poster on here but have reasons (nothing to do with any of the lovely people of CaB) for not using my old account here, besides it's a bit of a dead name to me in ways. Most people will be able to guess who I am after I've posted for a while.

I'll make a longer post at some time to tell more of my story, but suffice to say here that I never been so happy and I have you lot and the CaB massive in general to thank for assisting in that.

Thanks

AD (AMAB, Non-Binary, Androgyne, happy as fuck)

I'm so fucking happy for you and proud of you. It is so worth taking that step towards living authentically but such a bold step to take - anyone who starts that journey is a fucking hero.

[Agent Dunham]

Thanks again, all. Yeah, tookish, I didn't expect that finally being simply honest with myself would result in an outpouring of joy, that has calmed down from the initial euphoria, but persists, like I'd been living under a rock before that moment. I feel deprogrammed from all the brainwash and bullshit.

[tookish]

Hello all, just wanted to celebrate that I am currently twelve hours on testosterone! Rudely, I have not yet grown a full beard and my voice has not broken.

It was curiously emotional putting the gel on for the first time. I suppose it's quite a big thing really, but I didn't expect the quiet elation and sense that my life is about to change. I haven't felt that way since I first came out.

[Zetetic]

Congratulations @tookish, hope you enjoy the juice.

[Agent Dunham]

Good on yer, tookish. Drink in the happiness.

[Jack Shaftoe]

Congratulations! You have crossed the Blokicon, which is like the Rubicon but emotionally more constipated.

[Shaxberd]

Congrats! It's a lovely feeling, that moment of "ahh, I made it, here it is."

May your journey through second puberty be smooth and your facial hair abundant.

[KaraokeDragon]

Niiice 👌 👌

[Dr Rock]

Very happy for you x

[flotemysost]

Nice one, tookish!

[spaghetamine]

Hey pals

I'm 28, AMAB, have identified as non-binary for around the last two years and I'm increasingly feeling like I want to start HRT in the near future. I've been dressing and presenting as more feminine/androgynous for a while now which I've ramped up fairly significantly in the past few months and I've been trying out a new name (Heather) with some of my close friends but I haven't told all my friends, family or employers yet. I'm planning on leaving this job soon so likely won't bother until I start somewhere new. My boss is a nice guy but a bit old-fashioned and I feel like it'd be more trouble than it's worth. My therapist also doesn't know but I'm planning on mentioning it to him tomorrow. I'm excited by all this but also pretty fucking scared. If anyone who's been through something similar and feels they'd be able to offer some guidance could PM me, I'd massively appreciate it.

Rock n roll
Spags x

[Underturd]

Congrats, I hope it all goes well!

[tookish]

Hey pals

I'm 28, AMAB, have identified as non-binary for around the last two years and I'm increasingly feeling like I want to start HRT in the near future. I've been dressing and presenting as more feminine/androgynous for a while now which I've ramped up fairly significantly in the past few months and I've been trying out a new name (Heather) with some of my close friends but I haven't told all my friends, family or employers yet. I'm planning on leaving this job soon so likely won't bother until I start somewhere new. My boss is a nice guy but a bit old-fashioned and I feel like it'd be more trouble than it's worth. My therapist also doesn't know but I'm planning on mentioning it to him tomorrow. I'm excited by all this but also pretty fucking scared. If anyone who's been through something similar and feels they'd be able to offer some guidance could PM me, I'd massively appreciate it.

Rock n roll
Spags x

Hey buddy, I'm AFAB but been out for around 13 years, happy to PM you but not sure if that's useful to you.

[spaghetamine]

Hey buddy, I'm AFAB but been out for around 13 years, happy to PM you but not sure if that's useful to you.

Hey Tookish, big congrats on getting on T

a PM wouldn't go amiss, solidarity and all that but no pressure x

[Agent Dunham]

Hey pals

stuff

Rock n roll
Spags x

Sounds like you're in a similar position to me, although I'm a baby in comparison to you, trans-speaking. I'm happy to pm, perhaps we can both learn something.

Liv x

[Jack Shaftoe]

With the therapist thing, they can look a bit panicky if they don't know anything about gender issues, so try not to worry if he seems a bit non-plussed when you bring it up. I had to get a bit of therapy recently after giving up on years ago because of this reaction. This time round I made sure I got one who was quite comfortable with it as an issue and it made a huge difference.

[spaghetamine]

Sounds like you're in a similar position to me, although I'm a baby in comparison to you, trans-speaking. I'm happy to pm, perhaps we can both learn something.

Liv x

sounds good to me, every day's a school day and all that
my inbox awaits you...

[Kankurette]

Well played, Dundee.

[George White]

I am increasingly doubting my gender again, more than merely being gender non-conforming.
I don't want to be a woman per se, but I feel like I have a sorceress or a goddess, some kind of female entity within me.
I kind of want to emphasise that sorceress aesthetic.
Basically I want to dress like this.


From here. https://twitter.com/stanzipotenza/status/1782177746149625967

[Barry Admin]

Go ahead then?

Just posting really to say I removed the entirely identical post you made in a 2022 thread you bumped. Let's not go back to necroposting in all your old threads again please, ta.

[Jack Shaftoe]

From the Glinner thread:

I really dislike the having to state your pronouns thing but from the admittedly minority position of being unhappy being a bloke while being unlikely to do anything about it* but not particularly wanting to discuss it with people in real life.

There's something slightly soul-destroying about having to say to people 'I would like to be addressed as he/him' please, because I wouldn't really, I'd rather just bimble along and avoid the whole thing, ta. Although next year it looks like I'm going to be talking on some very right-on panels and stuff, so it looks like I'm not going to be able to avoid it much longer, and if I go with 'I'd rather not say, please' I look like a massive phobe, innit.

Maybe 'My pronouns are "he/him" but in big air quotes please, with an emoticon of me rolling my eyes afterwards'.

* although as a comedy writer with a book coming out next year, the idea of doing a big old public transition into a glamorous and confident Anti-Glinner was a very big tick in the 'pro' column.

I will say it is never too late to transition, no matter how much that transition may be. If you aren't happy with yourself now then do you know what version of yourself you would be happier with? And what it would take to get there?

Not all transitions are the whole hog with HRT, surgery and whatever else. Even if it is a simple switch of pronouns and a change in your style it's always worth it if it results in a version of you that you are happier with.

I think the big thing for me recently was talking to my therapist and coming up with this concept of a magic chamber with a big red button, where you press it and BAM, you're the gender changed FaceApp version of yourself, you've always been that person and no-one ever remembers you being different. And I realised that's pretty much the only version of transition that would work for me, and even then, I'd be FURIOUS that this hadn't been an option when I was, I dunno, three years old, when I first started thinking wait, what's going on, this isn't right?

I did the non-binary thing in the Nineties, although it wasn't called that then, it was being a Goth, and it was great, but that wasn't enough either, there was a real sense of being here where I should be all the way over there.

I was going to talk to the GenderCare people, except you need a GD diagnosis, and although I got that in Birmingham in the late Nineties (and then wussed out of doing anything because I had to move back home with my parents to work in a factory for two years to save enough money to move away again) and it turns out that not only does the GID clinic no longer exist, there's no mention of me ever having gone to it on my NHS record and I absolutely can't be arsed with going through that again.

The really weird thing is, while I was having a meltdown over this and various other things last year, and then had to stop therapy because I couldn't afford it anymore, I got massively into reading about Near Death Experiences (the whole tunnel of light thing) which then goes fairly seamlessly into past lives, reincarnation and all of that stuff. I don't know that I believe in it, exactly (although it does explain some weird shit in my life I've never been able to work out), but something in my subconscious just clicked with it and all the panic and anxiety and 'I have to address the gender dysphoria before I die' stuff just... faded away. Honestly the strangest experience I've ever had.

It's like 'okay, this isn't the real me, just another version of me, so maybe I'd be happier just working on how I am now rather than chasing an imaginary version of me that's never going to live up to what I want', and I have to say I'm a lot happier as a result. But again, I'm only talking about my own experience, not saying other people should be thinking like this or anything (because that would be mental, lol).

[canadagoose]

From the Glinner thread:

I think the big thing for me recently was talking to my therapist and coming up with this concept of a magic chamber with a big red button, where you press it and BAM, you're the gender changed FaceApp version of yourself, you've always been that person and no-one ever remembers you being different. And I realised that's pretty much the only version of transition that would work for me, and even then, I'd be FURIOUS that this hadn't been an option when I was, I dunno, three years old, when I first started thinking wait, what's going on, this isn't right?

I did the non-binary thing in the Nineties, although it wasn't called that then, it was being a Goth, and it was great, but that wasn't enough either, there was a real sense of being here where I should be all the way over there.

I was going to talk to the GenderCare people, except you need a GD diagnosis, and although I got that in Birmingham in the late Nineties (and then wussed out of doing anything because I had to move back home with my parents to work in a factory for two years to save enough money to move away again) and it turns out that not only does the GID clinic no longer exist, there's no mention of me ever having gone to it on my NHS record and I absolutely can't be arsed with going through that again.

The really weird thing is, while I was having a meltdown over this and various other things last year, and then had to stop therapy because I couldn't afford it anymore, I got massively into reading about Near Death Experiences (the whole tunnel of light thing) which then goes fairly seamlessly into past lives, reincarnation and all of that stuff. I don't know that I believe in it, exactly (although it does explain some weird shit in my life I've never been able to work out), but something in my subconscious just clicked with it and all the panic and anxiety and 'I have to address the gender dysphoria before I die' stuff just... faded away. Honestly the strangest experience I've ever had.

It's like 'okay, this isn't the real me, just another version of me, so maybe I'd be happier just working on how I am now rather than chasing an imaginary version of me that's never going to live up to what I want', and I have to say I'm a lot happier as a result. But again, I'm only talking about my own experience, not saying other people should be thinking like this or anything (because that would be mental, lol).

I know the thing you mean about the pronouns. It used to be accepted in mainstream trans communities that giving your pronouns was optional, because forcing you to reveal them would make closeted people feel bad and might threaten their safety. Of course this seems to have been forgotten now, which is a shame. It reminds me of being closeted at high school and having to write things like "je suis allé" (not "allée") and feeling dysphoric about it. I used to write "je suis allé(e)" wherever I could get away with it.

Anyway, I wonder if you could get away with saying "any pronouns"? It might not be your preferred option, but it doesn't out you either, just makes you look very relaxed about it all.

[Jack Shaftoe]

I might have a quiet word with my agent about it if it all gets a bit sticky, he's very cool about gender stuff and though I haven't talked to him about *gestures vaguely at everything*, I'm sure he'd get it.

Or I might say 'I'd rather leave it' but then wear my little Tardis/trans pin so anyone who cares can fill in the gaps themselves. It's funny that this is such a sticking point with me, really, maybe it's more that I've been able to avoid it by being self-employed for so long.

[Zetetic]

Anyway, I wonder if you could get away with saying "any pronouns"? It might not be your preferred option, but it doesn't out you either, just makes you look very relaxed about it all.

Repeating myself from the other thread, but I've never had anyone take this badly.

[Zetetic]

And I realised that's pretty much the only version of transition that would work for me

Why?

[Jack Shaftoe]

I honestly have no idea.

Repeating myself from the other thread, but I've never had anyone take this badly.

Yeah, I'm sure it'll all be fine, it just makes me feel a bit backed into a corner, although it's an irritation rather than anything else.

[George White]

BTW I look like this now (in an Eva Gabor wig I bought from Hairspray in Dublin, yes they're still making Eva Gabor Wigs)
Experimenting with a drag idea of some kind of 70s light entertainer chanteuse.

[George White]

So okay, I am having some doubts. But I think I might be a trans woman or at least bigender rather than agender.
Like part of me is thinking I'd rather a woman in my thirties than a man.

[GoblinAhFuckScary]

babe go for it!!! get some HRT right now and see how you feel innit x

[George White]

HRT is so hard to get in Ireland thanks to the NGS, though. And knowing their record, I'm not going anywhere near them. 
This photo of me Faceapp already thinks is of a woman.