Cook'd and Bomb'd

Forums => General Bullshit => Topic started by: Greg Torso on July 19, 2021, 08:56:49 PM

Title: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Greg Torso on July 19, 2021, 08:56:49 PM
Post your own summer cocktail recipes

“Internal Bleeding”

1 part vodka (doesn’t matter what brand because it all tastes like the inside of your dad’s car anyway)
2.5 parts clear shit (I favour an ultra poncey summer fruits carbonated but Sprite is fine if you aren’t busy arguing with Sandra about how moving the baby grand into the bay windows has faded its mahogany finish then SPRITE IS FINE)
0.5 red wine (again doesn’t matter because it all tastes like blood when it’s coming out later anyway)
Lots of ice
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Buelligan on July 19, 2021, 08:58:03 PM
A nice big cup of water.
Q1 Klaxon to the first person to say weak lemon drink.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: seepage on July 19, 2021, 09:05:16 PM
"Lombardia e Trentino": 25 cl Franciacorta + 25 cl Ferrari + 50 cl Aldi lemonade
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on July 19, 2021, 09:07:48 PM
Tea and milk.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: chveik on July 19, 2021, 09:09:17 PM
a weak lemon drink
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: mothman on July 19, 2021, 09:10:06 PM
a weak lemon drink

When would be the best time to drink that?
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Greg Torso on July 19, 2021, 09:11:26 PM
Come on I’ve had a terrible week take this seriously
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: badaids on July 19, 2021, 09:12:43 PM
A pint of bitter with a frozen turd in it.

The Stansfield.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Greg Torso on July 19, 2021, 09:13:50 PM
That’s more like it
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Buelligan on July 19, 2021, 09:41:56 PM
a weak lemon drink

I never thought it'd be you. 

A nice big cup of water.
Q1 Klaxon to the first person to say weak lemon drink.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on July 19, 2021, 09:44:11 PM
gin + tonic
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: chveik on July 19, 2021, 09:45:26 PM
I never thought it'd be you.

:)
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: idunnosomename on July 19, 2021, 09:52:43 PM
gin + tonic
... do they mix?
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: pancreas on July 19, 2021, 09:57:29 PM
I have been discovering the delights of Frangelico.

Wanking Monk of Catatonia:

50ml Frange
25ml Brandy
25ml Lemon Juice
Splash of grenadine

Not sure if I should be ashamed for drinking these.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: idunnosomename on July 19, 2021, 09:59:44 PM
glass + beer

repeat four times
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: TrenterPercenter on July 19, 2021, 10:21:01 PM
Good quality red vermouth on the rocks with a slice of orange is nice and refreshing. Get the Cocchi Torino or Antica Formula if you are feeling flush but Punt E Mes is dirt cheap and pretty decent also.

Been mastering the Pisco sours recently which is another winner.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on July 19, 2021, 10:24:02 PM
I have been discovering the delights of Frangelico.

Wanking Monk of Catatonia:

50ml Frange
25ml Brandy
25ml Lemon Juice
Splash of grenadine

Not sure if I should be ashamed for drinking these.

Cheers, partner loves Frangelico, I can't remember which celebrity couple it is meant to reference though.

Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: touchingcloth on July 19, 2021, 10:35:03 PM
... do they mix?

No, but you can float the gin on the tonic by using the back of a spoon.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: touchingcloth on July 19, 2021, 10:35:47 PM
Scottish coffee. It’s an Irn Bru with a shot of Buckfast.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Mr Banlon on July 19, 2021, 10:49:25 PM
Harlesden Nightbus :
Bottle of Dragon Stout in a pint glass + tablespoon of Sweet & Dandy mauby syrup + treble measure of Wray & Nephew overproof rum.


Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Catalogue of ills on July 19, 2021, 10:50:34 PM
It's got to be the Caipirinha for me, João. All you need is a bottle of Cahaça, a load of limes, some sugar syrup (piece of piss to make - dissolve 2 parts sugar in 1 part water in a pan) and a way of crushing ice. Easy to make, terrifyingly easy to drink.

If you want to fancy it up a bit, the  French 75 (https://www.diffordsguide.com/cocktails/recipe/790/french-75-cocktail) is a sensational drink. Don't use champagne though, just any old sparkling wine and it's still fantastic.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: bgmnts on July 19, 2021, 10:52:22 PM
Thinking about trying out Posca for the rest of this summer.

If it's good enough for marching legionaries in the Mediterranean sun, it's good enough for me.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Kankurette on July 19, 2021, 10:52:33 PM
Mojito, if I had to pick one. It has to be something fruity.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Catalogue of ills on July 19, 2021, 10:58:33 PM
I had a Long Beach Iced Tea the other night, it was surprisingly tasty for a drink that has about 6 spirits in it. Gets you proper cunted, it turns out.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: flotemysost on July 19, 2021, 11:12:10 PM
Whisk(e)y sour or some variation on that theme is normally my go-to but that's not very summery, I'd be after something with a similar vibe but more refreshing.

When I worked in a pub one summer, during shifts I'd pour myself a pint of lemonade or ginger beer with loads of ice and just a drop or two of Angostura bitters, and that was really cooling - I suppose adding another boozy element to that would qualify as a cocktail? Sort of like a lowbrow Shirley Temple. A JonBenet Ramsay Honey Boo Boo, perhaps.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Catalogue of ills on July 19, 2021, 11:16:22 PM
Whisk(e)y sour or some variation on that theme is normally my go-to but that's not very summery, I'd be after something with a similar vibe but more refreshing.

When it gets properly hot I always remember that stifling scene in The Great Gatsby when they go to the hotel and have mint juleps and Tom is such a beast. I tried making one once, and it turns out it's bastard difficult to do well so I've not tried again.

I was going to make do with just a beer tonight, but since someone started a cocktail thread, I've found myself making a [deep voice] El Diablo, a provocative mix of gold tequila, cassis, lime and ginger. So that's the first 30 minutes of work tomorrow fucked.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: flotemysost on July 19, 2021, 11:23:59 PM
I was going to make do with just a beer tonight, but since someone started a cocktail thread, I've found myself making a [deep voice] El Diablo, a provocative mix of gold tequila, cassis, lime and ginger. So that's the first 30 minutes of work tomorrow fucked.

Oh that sounds fit. Cassis is always a good one to have in stock, I like a Kir Royale too (not very summery though).

Actually now that I think about it, it's not exactly a cocktail, but I made lots of sangria last summer because it was something my then-flatmate and I both liked, and it was easy to decant into a thermos for picnics. Red wine, port rather than rum, lemonade rather than soda, loads of lemons and strawberries - probably sacrilege to a purist, but not undrinkable.

Also not a cocktail, but got big love for a shandy or a top on a hot day.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: bgmnts on July 20, 2021, 01:38:37 PM
Okay so:

A cup of red wine vinegar,
3-4 cups of water,
1/4-1/2 cup of honey,
4 crushed cardamom seeds.

Boil it so the honey dissolves, let it set to room temperature, sieve the cardamom and add a few ice cubes.

A modern twist on ancient Posca. Very fucking nice if I do say so myself.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: wooders1978 on July 20, 2021, 01:50:00 PM
Good quality red vermouth on the rocks with a slice of orange is nice and refreshing. Get the Cocchi Torino or Antica Formula if you are feeling flush but Punt E Mes is dirt cheap and pretty decent also.

Been mastering the Pisco sours recently which is another winner.

A negroni - get one of these vermouths (good choices trenter), all are great for a negroni, some Campari and a decent gin (Gordon’s or better, but not too good) - measure doubles of each over ice (or singles, important thing is each spirit is in equal measure) - give it a stir enjoy a nice grown up cocktail - I’m having one right now (time of writing)
Title: Not what we have but what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance
Post by: Buelligan on July 20, 2021, 01:56:41 PM
Okay so:

A cup of red wine vinegar,
3-4 cups of water,
1/4-1/2 cup of honey,
4 crushed cardamom seeds.

Boil it so the honey dissolves, let it set to room temperature, sieve the cardamom and add a few ice cubes.

A modern twist on ancient Posca. Very fucking nice if I do say so myself.

You should - if you ate meat, which I know, neither of us do - try vitello with that.  Rare-roasted beef, very thinly sliced once cold, arranged on a plate with capers and a cold fish sauce, made with homemade mayo liquidised with tuna, capers and lemon juice.  I always think this has echoes of garum and ancient roman recipes.

I shall go and pick some figs now. 
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Norton Canes on July 20, 2021, 01:57:54 PM
A negroni - get one of these vermouths (good choices trenter), all are great for a negroni, some Campari and a decent gin (Gordon’s or better, but not too good) - measure doubles of each over ice (or singles, important thing is each spirit is in equal measure) - give it a stir enjoy a nice grown up cocktail - I’m having one right now (time of writing)


Mmm, sounds good, already got the stuff for Martinis.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Catalogue of ills on July 20, 2021, 02:47:29 PM
Negronis are great, as is the Americano, another Campari based cocktail. Dead easy to make.
Title: Re: Not what we have but what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance
Post by: bgmnts on July 20, 2021, 02:48:41 PM
You should - if you ate meat, which I know, neither of us do - try vitello with that.  Rare-roasted beef, very thinly sliced once cold, arranged on a plate with capers and a cold fish sauce, made with homemade mayo liquidised with tuna, capers and lemon juice.  I always think this has echoes of garum and ancient roman recipes.

I shall go and pick some figs now.

Obviously if I ate fish products I'd love to give garum ago, but fermented fish sounds rancid to me regardless!
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Cuellar on July 20, 2021, 02:48:53 PM
Negronis? What is this, 2016?
Title: Re: Not what we have but what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance
Post by: seepage on July 20, 2021, 02:59:05 PM
Obviously if I ate fish products I'd love to give garum ago, but fermented fish sounds rancid to me regardless!

I think Worcestershire sauce and nam pla are similar.

I thought Vitello tonnato was made with boiled veal rather than roast beef.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: JesusAndYourBush on July 20, 2021, 03:09:32 PM
A glass of water and some ice cubes. It's surprising me just how quickly they melt.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: holyzombiejesus on July 20, 2021, 03:33:48 PM
Don't people find that campari really repeats on them? Lat time I had some, I could taste it well in to the next day, even after several toothbrushings and gum.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Nice Relaxing Poo on July 20, 2021, 03:40:31 PM
GG Allin's Shitted Breeks:


Take one straight sided glass, pour a can of Tetley into said glass. Consume.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on July 20, 2021, 03:41:57 PM
Don't people find that campari really repeats on them? Lat time I had some, I could taste it well in to the next day, even after several toothbrushings and gum.

Sometimes if I've drunk a fair amount but am not shitfaced whisky comes back on me despite be having plenty of room for other boozes, both spirit or beer.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Catalogue of ills on July 20, 2021, 03:46:50 PM
Negronis? What is this, 2016?

If only.
Title: Re: Not what we have but what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance
Post by: Buelligan on July 20, 2021, 03:56:09 PM
I thought Vitello tonnato was made with boiled veal rather than roast beef.

Maybe it's regional, certainly, I know a lot of Romans who pot roast the beef.  Veal is probably the wealthier, less sensitive, more epicurean, option.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: mrpupkin on July 20, 2021, 04:39:08 PM
dog bowl stella (bowl must say DOG)
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on July 20, 2021, 04:51:26 PM
Gin + Tonic but in sorbet form.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on July 20, 2021, 04:52:16 PM
dog bowl stella

not even in my top 3 ted nuget albums, sorry.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth on July 20, 2021, 06:31:14 PM
My housemate recently made a very nice Summery cocktail. I can't remember the exact recipe, but I think it was a combination of peach schnapps, white wine and soda water.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: seepage on July 20, 2021, 07:04:30 PM
Gin + Tonic but in sorbet form.

Got some gin & tonic ice cubes in the freezer.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: seepage on July 20, 2021, 07:06:12 PM
Ginger ale + cucumber = homemade non-alcoholic lager [sort of].
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: flotemysost on July 20, 2021, 07:16:54 PM
dog bowl stella

Haven't seen her in years! How is she these days?

Negronis? What is this, 2016?

I thought Aperol Spritz was the cocktail that became the basic bitch (or cheugy, as the kids say these days) default option circa a few summers ago? From retro Neopolitan chic to the preserve of brunching Instagrammers everywhere.

Negronis hold a certain Proustian nostalgia for me, as they were being sloshed out in abundance at the last pre-COVID house party I went to (hosted by a group of Italian friends) in early 2020.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Buelligan on July 20, 2021, 07:34:28 PM
You're on the button about the Aperol spritzes, I think pancs pooh-poohed me over them a few years ago.  Leading the wave, as ever and I don't even drink or talk to people, any more.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: wooders1978 on July 20, 2021, 09:00:31 PM
Don’t compare “aperol spritz” to negronis you heathens
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: seepage on July 20, 2021, 09:46:26 PM
Don't put up with nasty acrylic glasses for your summer cocktails in the garden - get some nice thin Tritan ones instead.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Buelligan on July 20, 2021, 09:48:53 PM
Why do people need pretend glasses out of doors?  Is the environment harder?  Or do they become children again, crashing and bumbling about once the walls are gone?
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: seepage on July 20, 2021, 09:52:41 PM
Life's too short for sweeping up broken glass off the patio.

Ditto, shoe laces

Ditto, fasteners on your duvet - they don't make a blind bit of difference.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Buelligan on July 20, 2021, 10:11:39 PM
Only murderers have patios, seepage.  Only children have plastic drinking receptacles.  These are the pillars of a civilised society.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: seepage on July 20, 2021, 10:37:04 PM
But riddle me this: I don't remember murdering anyone; I have a patio [is "decking" the same thing?], I do have a plastic drinking receptacle, but I'm not a child.

Weird, innit?
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Buelligan on July 20, 2021, 10:42:28 PM
Whither civilisation?
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Sherringford Hovis on July 21, 2021, 12:54:21 AM
A 'Civilisation' non-alcoholic punch:

Pop open a Rockstar Xdurance Blueberry Pomegranate 500ml can.
Stir to de-carbonate and refrigerate overnight. For breakfast, in a 2-pint glass or stein, mix with a can of Nurishment then add a Berocca or similar effervescent vitamin tablet. Down as quickly as possible.
45 minutes later, your stream of piss will glow an ethereal ochre akin to Rey's lightsaber and boast similar cauterising capability if splashed on exposed flesh; some imbibers will be able to travel between dimensions, or forward/back in time, depending on the flavour of Nurishment employed.

(https://assets.iceland.co.uk/i/iceland/rockstar_xdurance_blueberry_pomegranate_and_acai_500ml_55447_T1.jpg?$pdpmain$) (https://www.afroboxuk.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/nurishment-original-banana-milk-drink1.jpg) (https://aldprdproductimages.azureedge.net/media/resized/$Aldi_GB/ALL_RESIZED3/25453317_0_XL.png)
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: shiftwork2 on July 21, 2021, 01:02:51 AM
Gin and tonic.  What's better than a gin and tonic in the alcohol firmament?
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: chveik on July 21, 2021, 01:41:20 AM
an internal bleeding on the rocks please bartender
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on July 21, 2021, 10:26:10 AM
A 'Civilisation' non-alcoholic punch:

Pop open a Rockstar Xdurance Blueberry Pomegranate 500ml can.
Stir to de-carbonate and refrigerate overnight. For breakfast, in a 2-pint glass or stein, mix with a can of Nurishment then add a Berocca or similar effervescent vitamin tablet. Down as quickly as possible.
45 minutes later, your stream of piss will glow an ethereal ochre akin to Rey's lightsaber and boast similar cauterising capability if splashed on exposed flesh; some imbibers will be able to travel between dimensions, or forward/back in time, depending on the flavour of Nurishment employed.

(https://assets.iceland.co.uk/i/iceland/rockstar_xdurance_blueberry_pomegranate_and_acai_500ml_55447_T1.jpg?$pdpmain$) (https://www.afroboxuk.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/nurishment-original-banana-milk-drink1.jpg) (https://aldprdproductimages.azureedge.net/media/resized/$Aldi_GB/ALL_RESIZED3/25453317_0_XL.png)

Seeing Nurishment reminds me I want to try Guinness Punch.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: The Mollusk on July 21, 2021, 10:55:20 AM
Harlesden Nightbus :
Bottle of Dragon Stout in a pint glass + tablespoon of Sweet & Dandy mauby syrup + treble measure of Wray & Nephew overproof rum.

Fucking hell just reading this made my teeth itch
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: flotemysost on July 21, 2021, 06:34:51 PM
Harlesden Nightbus :
Bottle of Dragon Stout in a pint glass + tablespoon of Sweet & Dandy mauby syrup + treble measure of Wray & Nephew overproof rum.

I misread the first ingredient as Dragon Soop - alcoholic energy drink which tastes as atomically lurid as its packaging suggests:

(https://www.drinksupermarket.com/media/catalog/product/cache/0288c1cb4e2e8b328879830e17ef5901/d/r/dragon-soop-strawberry-lime-500ml.jpg)

Also it's quite possible I have actually drunk one of those on a nightbus in Harlesden at some point.
Title: Re: Your summer cocktail recipes
Post by: Clatty McCutcheon on July 22, 2021, 12:58:39 AM
Some eminent person created a ‘cocktail’ called Venom - it contains vodka, orange juice, Southern Comfort and that rarefied aperitif known as ‘blue WKD’. It’s roughly the same colour as the Peckham Spring water was when the lights went out.

A while back, I saw a poster in a pub window advertising the ‘cheapest pint of Venom in Wishaw’. I did think of taking a photo with a view to posting it in the desolation thread but, on reflection, thought it might be a bit too much.