Weak Jalapenos

[H-O-W-L]

Always got the Tesco own brand of Jalapenos since they were cheap but ring-blisteringly hot and nice and smoky, but this time I had to settle for Old El Paso, which were dearer. Last night when making me sunday night drunk meal of nachos, I tried one just to see the quality... and it was piss weak! I was able to stand there and eat a half of the jar to get even a mild bit of spice! And when I ate said nachos I barely detected any heat at all. And this morning my ring is unsatisfyingly unblistered.

So, that absolute doldrum of a paragraph aside, am I just gone? Am I an 'ard nut now? Or can jalapenos really end up that piss-weak?

[dissolute ocelot]

Birds don't feel any heat from chilli. Maybe you're a pigeon.

[Yussef Dent]

I thought I was the only one who thought this but I have the same opinion that they're weaker and also become more susceptible of going "mushy" faster than others. I like them to have that bit of bite and you only get that with fresh ones, if the jar's open for a couple of days with Old El Paso ones I end up binning them.

[H-O-W-L]

This is gonna sound all PC GONE MAD AGHHH but I do have to hazard a wonder over whether or not the weakness is intentional. Old El Paso being the middle road "Tex Mex Brand" and all. Can't risk attacking middle managers with too much heat? Sort of like how Sharwoods curry is way milder.

[Fr.Bigley]

I never get why I can smash a vindaloo and next day be farting cool mint flavour and not a hint of the old burst arse dam but when I eat jarred jalapeños which are the chilli equivalent of double cream, I have the most viscious, torrid shites and gas you've ever witnessed. Imagine that scene in Bridesmaids but a man, not wearing a wedding dress etc.

Is it the preservation process that's turned the pussy of chillies into something that makes a grown man cry?

This is a sincere, scientific, high brow discussion I've come to expect more from you here on CaB, so I would appreciate some insight.

[Dex Sawash]

H-O-W-L Johnson's right, Old El Paso is shit for gringos.

My wife will eat hotter stuff than I will but she gets internally destroyed by a few pickled banana pepper rings on a slice of pizza.

[canadagoose]

They can be a bit on the mild side. I should maybe eat them nowadays, seeing as my previous madras-enjoying palate has now degraded and I can barely tolerate a medium Nando's.

I know the likes of Atomic Pickle off YouTube make their own - maybe that'd be a solution if you can be arsed growing and pickling them?

[Clownbaby]

Pelagonia pickled flame roasted chillies are my favourite at the moment. Can only seem to get them at Booths though. They're not jalapeños though. Decent kick to them if you scran em out of the jar and a lot of briny flavour

Old El Paso jalapeños are shite I agree

[TrenterPercenter]

Had some old El Paso the other day as the home brand (which are better) were out of stock (there was Jalapeño shortage a few weeks back I reckon) anyway they were soft, like they were old.  I was not pleased.

[TrenterPercenter]

I never get why I can smash a vindaloo and next day be farting cool mint flavour and not a hint of the old burst arse dam but when I eat jarred jalapeños which are the chilli equivalent of double cream, I have the most viscious, torrid shites and gas you've ever witnessed. Imagine that scene in Bridesmaids but a man, not wearing a wedding dress etc.

Is it the preservation process that's turned the pussy of chillies into something that makes a grown man cry?

This is a sincere, scientific, high brow discussion I've come to expect more from you here on CaB, so I would appreciate some insight.

I have your answer mon frere.  It's because in madras the chilli is powdered whilst preserved Jalapeños still have the seeds intact; your body cannot digest them, will have to pass them out, and it is the seed, placenta and capsicum glans glands where the hot lives.

You have basically been fooled by these little fruits into becoming their seed dispersal whore.  They are laughing at you Bigs; your anus might well be throwing its chocolate toys out of the pram but it was your conscious maw that entered into this faustian pact with the chilli-devil.

[Fr.Bigley]

Those bastards played me. All this time. I'll never allow one to grace my lips again.

[AllisonSays]

It's the mushiness that gets me, they're much too mushy, no bite. Must be a processing issue.

[H-O-W-L]

I sometimes pour a bit of jalapeno pickle juice into the salsa when I make nachos. Good firey kick.

[TrenterPercenter]

Those bastards played me. All this time. I'll never allow one to grace my lips again.

Yes or you could just pick the seeds out.

(of the Jalapeños, just to be clear)

[shoulders]

Yeah I pick the seeds out where possible in tribute to the dignity of the Great Bumhole and Tract.

[Thursday]

de-seeding is for cowards.

[shoulders]

de-seeding is for cowards.

A price to pay to avoid total arse chaos

[Pink Gregory]

This is gonna sound all PC GONE MAD AGHHH but I do have to hazard a wonder over whether or not the weakness is intentional. Old El Paso being the middle road "Tex Mex Brand" and all. Can't risk attacking middle managers with too much heat? Sort of like how Sharwoods curry is way milder.

is it is it is it because Old el Paso was the only option before own brand stuff massively expanded to include pickles and such and thus it was a much inferior recipe that hasn't been updated with the times?

[Cold Meat Platter]

Go to an Indian supermarket and buy a huge jar of Melis brand Jalapenos, they're great and you get about 4 times as much for the same price. Your arse won't thank you for it but it is the correct course of action.

[Clownbaby]

Can confirm Melis are great