Chores

[The Boston Crab]

Dear CaB,

since 'domestic bliss' dictates that I'm now unable to simply live like a fucking animal bachelor in my own home, I find my daily routine to be clogged up with assorted tasks. I find washing dishes both very boring and frequently quite disgusting, especially with all the oil 'er indoors uses. Filling/unfilling the washing machine/hanging clothes is marginally less mind-numbing but still provides precious little inspiration. Carrying rubbish out to the wheelie bin and lifting it up the steps (!) is probably the worst bit. Thankfully, it's not too frequent an occurrence.

Do your readers have any imaginative suggestions on how to enliven these grim duties?

Yours exasperatedly,

The Boston Crab.

[Zero Gravitas]

Hire some sort of sexy eastern-European maid.

It's very important that they're sexy because intercourse will happen one day and you don't want to have to keep your eyes closed, shuddering at the feel of her thin-skinned wrinkly jowls.

[The Boston Crab]

I could just not choke her during sex...

[mini goatbix]

Dear CaB,

since 'domestic bliss' dictates that I'm now unable to simply live like a fucking animal bachelor in my own home, I find my daily routine to be clogged up with assorted tasks. I find washing dishes both very boring and frequently quite disgusting, especially with all the oil 'er indoors uses. Filling/unfilling the washing machine/hanging clothes is marginally less mind-numbing but still provides precious little inspiration. Carrying rubbish out to the wheelie bin and lifting it up the steps (!) is probably the worst bit. Thankfully, it's not too frequent an occurrence.

Do your readers have any imaginative suggestions on how to enliven these grim duties?

Yours exasperatedly,

The Boston Crab.

Work your way through different film and TV styles. Wash dishes in the manner of a fifties American washing up liquid ad, put the rubbish out as if you're dodging bullets in a gangster movie using the bin as cover. Just using sound effects or doing a few Fred Astaire dance steps keeps me happy. I am a bit simple though.

[tater pie]

Just play funky music and shake your bum about while you do your chores.  It's enjoyable for you and your neighbours!

[Zero Gravitas]

I could just not choke her during sex...

Sex without asphyxiation should be reserved solely for siblings.

[dr_christian_troy]

An old John Peel show or two on the iPod gets me through menial tasks, as well as crowded train journey.

Alternatively, check into a hotel and stay there until the house actually cleans itself.

[papalaz4444244]

I'm deep cleaning my kitchen area for the first time in about two years...

I'm softening this Withnail-and-I-sink type horror by listening to some comedy or radio plays. Good distraction.

[Sony Walkman Prophecies]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0caqNCIUSZM

Forward to 2.00 Boston :)

[rudi]

I'm deep cleaning my kitchen area for the first time in about two years...

I'm softening this Withnail-and-I-sink type horror by listening to some comedy or radio plays. Good distraction.

The washing up only gets done in my gaff if there's something decent on the radio.

[Jemble Fred]

Washing up only takes seconds though. Run it under the tap, quick wipe, done. Unless you're one of the CERTIFIABLY INSANE majority of people who just leave it until all the dirt congeals and then it takes ages.

[boxofslice]

Be a man and hope it goes away.

[ThickAndCreamy]

I actually find it fun occasionally doing chores if I'm playing loud music. However, this is rare, and usually I do very little and then go mad on a weekend and do everything whilst in an excitable mood.

[Goldentony]

Make a rap song out of everything you do chore-wise, so when you're taking out the bins at 7am, make sure you rap as loud as you can -

IM TAKING OUT THE MOTHERFUCKING BINS MOTHERFUCKER
GOT TO CLEAN UP THE GARBAGE OR ILL SLAUGHTER A BROTHER
I GOT TO STRICTLY IMPOSE THE RULES OF SOCIETYS NORMS
BY THROWING OUT THE RUBBISH AND LEAVIN IT ON THE LAWN

LET ME HEAR YOU SAY YES YALL, TO THE GARBAGE YALL
YEAH AND YOU DONT STOP
TIL THE GARBAGE MEN MAKE THE PICK UP STOP

[Zero Gravitas]

That's 'banging' GT.

[SetToStun]

I'm sorry, but I'm just not getting this; you have a girlfriend and you are doing the domestic chores? Listen, old son, you've bought your dog now - you don't need to fetch your own sticks any more.

[Neville Chamberlain]

I often do the washing-up while watching The One Show!

Adrian and Christina's chummy banter certainly takes my mind off the rather mundane task of doing what I call the washing-up!

[tater pie]

But Neville - surely that clashes with watching Channel 4 news?

Radio 4 is excellent to listen to while doing the dishes or cooking dinner - especially when it's on iplayer so you can select the choiciest bits!

[Neville Chamberlain]

The news is for squares!!!!!!

[jennifer]

(boring answer) Podcasts.

[The Boston Crab]

These ideas are 'sheer class'.

I don't actually do the chores, of course, except washing up. I just had to pad it out a bit.

[Ginyard]

Radio 4 is excellent to listen to while doing the dishes or cooking dinner - especially when it's on iplayer so you can select the choiciest bits!

Yes. In fact, its excellent anytime. If I was being buried alive with a coffin with a radio and speakers, I'd want to tune in to Melvyn Bragg discussing the influence of industrial chemistry on contemporary art.