Unpleasant discoveries

[buttgammon]

I settled down to a read a book in a hot bath this evening, which was very relaxing. Imagine my horror when I turned to pull the plug out and found that I had spent half an hour in a large vat of water with a dead earwig! Ideally, there wouldn't have been anything nasty at all in the bath but it wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't known it was there.

What unpleasant or disgusting things have you found that you would've rather not known about (stories about adoption and cheating partners are welcome but so are insects in food etc)?

[massive bereavement]

Whilst searching for porn mags, my best friend at school discovered some Polaroid snaps of his step dad doing his mum. I was there at the time and couldn't believe it was really his mum (no faces in view), but my best friend pointed out that it was the very same duvet cover on the bed that we were sat right next to. It didn't seem to bother him, but he was probably putting on a brave face for my benefit. I did manage to keep it a secret for two years, not telling anyone until after we'd left school - So well done me.

[Ginyard]

I haven't mentioned this to anybody in years...

Back sometime in the late 80s when the landing gear was coming down in anticipation of sex, I lay there on a bed fingering my then naked girlfriend having lots of lovely tongue time. An important moment of intimacy and discovery, and one that, I discovered was being shared with a mate who was in the darkened hallway, peeking through the door at us, wanking his way up the ladder of pleasure to blow-your-nuts heaven.

[actwithoutwords]

The obvious question being, did you get off the bus?


(Or go to the end of the line. As it were.)

[Ginyard]

No, I shouted at him to fuck off and kicked the door closed. She leapt off the bed and I spent the next hour trying to reassure her that he hadn't seen anything. Didn't work. She felt rather horrible about it and it took a week to win her confidence back. However, the second time it went wrong again because I'd watched a porn movie which featured a bloke with a gold ring on his penis blow drying some bird's muff, and thought that waving my mum's Morphy-Richards up her skirt might endear her to me. Obviously, it didn't.

So, to summarise, although I may have presented this forum with a picture of confidence and success when it comes to a history of pulling and pumping, I assure you it was, as with most mortals, one of considerable trial-and-error.

[Uncle TechTip]

Was this a party, or was your mate just creeping around - "no answer, I bet she's shagging that piece! Hey up, door's open... fuck it". If it was the former, it might be chalkable as party shenanigans. If the latter, well it's just a bit ugh creepy. How did you approach the topic next time you met?

Of course we're all familiar with people having sex on the telly but in front of you? Groo I'd run a mile.

[Ginyard]

We were boarders and it was in my room. To be honest, 20-odd years on, its a bit of a blur now. Apart from remembering that moment and knowing that the whole school found out, I don't really recall what happened next, or even if the hair drying incident happened a week or a month afterwards. I'm not even sure if the hair dryer my mum gave me was a morphy-richards! All I know is that I got up to some filthy stuff in that room.

[boxofslice]

Whilst searching for porn mags, my best friend at school discovered some Polaroid snaps of his step dad doing his mum. I was there at the time and couldn't believe it was really his mum (no faces in view), but my best friend pointed out that it was the very same duvet cover on the bed that we were sat right next to. It didn't seem to bother him, but he was probably putting on a brave face for my benefit. I did manage to keep it a secret for two years, not telling anyone until after we'd left school - So well done me.

On a similar note, when I was 15 I stayed over at a friends house and found something equally disturbing which to this day is still burned into my brain.  It was after a party and as it was too far to walk my friend said I could kip over at his and use his sisters room as she was away at university.  Being a nosey sort of person I had a rummage around her room, when, looking at the back of her underwear draw I found some unpleasant photos.  The photos were numerous Polaroids of his sister, naked, in compromising positions with what I assumed was the family dog.  Looking at the pictures I was a mixture of confused emotions; aroused by sight of his reasonably attractive sister in the nude but equally disturbed by what she was doing with the dog.

Of course I never mentioned it to my friend as it's not something that's easy to bring up in conversation.  It did teach me a lesson though in prying into other peoples things.

[mrClaypole]

When I left school and started doing a college course I also kept a part time job at a supermarket. One Friday afternoon we were at college and one of my fellow students produced some photos of his friend sticking it to some girl. Now these pictures were hard hard core and the woman in the pictures seemed like a gamely sort who was quite happily being photgraphe din every major compromising position going, some of it barley legal in Holland.
On closer inspection of these pictures, I had a sudden realisation that the woman in question was a work colleague of mine. I asked my college pal what her name was and he told me, it was the very same woman and it turned out we were mutual acquaintances of said game girl.
I remember going into work on the Friday night hoping she wouldnt be in as it wasnt her normal shift, but it turned out she was as she had swopped shift with someone else. It was hard to look her in the eye after that and too make it worse she was chomping on a hot dog as I walked into the staff room.
I really couldnt keep a straight face for about 3 months after that and tried just out of sheer embarrassement on my part too keep out of her way at work but eventually she was made my supervisor.

[Lady Beaner]

Christ I love you, Ginyard.