Driving into a wall, then a school, in flames.

[monkfromhavana]

OK this was half my lifetime ago so the details are pretty hazy.

When you're reversing around a corner, you keep the kerb in the corner of one of the rear side windows, when you can't see it any more, that's when you start turning the wheel to complete the procedure. When it comes back into view is when you stop turning.

Of course that may all be bullshit, i can't drive remember.

[SetToStun]

In my day, the rear nearside quarterlight would have a small coloured dot of paper (mine was green, fact fans) stuck in the bottom-left corner: as you reveresed, you looked in the rear-view mirror and kept that dot bang on the edge of the kerb, ensuring you were always a constant distance out and could never clip the edge. It comes as quite the surprise the first time you have to do that in an unfamiliar car with no sticky dot in the window.

[ziggy starbucks]

once you pass your test you don't need to look in the mirrors anymore

[SetToStun]

Driving up and down the A12 quite frequently as I do, I have to say you appear to be perfectly correct in that statement.

[Jerzy Bondov]

You just need to get into the right mindset. When I passed my test I just imagined I was Jeremy Clarkson and made several asides comparing the car to a particular animal *deeper voice* doing a particular thing, and a couple of off-colour jokes to annoy the loony left. Back at the test centre I berated a short man and received a round of applause.

[Ginyard]

I remember getting a ridiculous build-up of phlegm in the back of my throat during my driving test and clearing it in one big "hrrrrrrHHHHHGGGhhh". I was accelerating at the time and it sounded like a toddler simulating a drag car engine, so I felt ever so slightly massively stupid.

[daffs]

as for my test, by the way, I thought he'd turn to me and say 'well, clearly you've not passed this time, and here's why...', but apparently accelerating and breaking at the same time and therefore taking twice as long to do an emergency stop as is appropriate wasn't that big of a deal to this examiner. but it is pretty startling how much I've forgotten, to the point where I'm actually unsure if I imagined the whole process of learning/passing. sometimes I'll be being driven in the passenger seat of someone's car and occasionally I realise I'm momentarily unsure of what it is they just did, and why.
still, I guess it'll be a laugh when I get a car and join you lot on the road.

[Uncle TechTip]

Those utterly insane roundabouts have been poked at before in England in film/TV and I at least specifically remember one commercial we had here from not too long ago. (They have to go around the roundabout multiple times and the passenger giving directions deliberately cuddles it up so Maltesers rolls to her side of the dashboard.) But god, who's the city planner who lets urban build up get that ridiculous in the first place? You'll get there. I'm not sure I could.

Standard roundabouts are becoming very popular on your continent now, so a BBC article told me. Some places are ripping out all the lights at 'intersections' and replacing them with roundabouts. Which when you think about the grid sructure of most American cities, makes absolute sense.

[mook]

i can quite honestly say that i've never met a driving examiner in a social encounter, and considering the amount of time i've spent in pubs and what not the chances of not meeting one over the years is fucking slim - i've met at least 30 "ex members" of the s.a.s. though.

oh, and can we call all lady driving instructors and examiners "instructrixes" and "examinatrixes" it will probaly cheer 'em up.

[Notlob]

Passed my manual test first time round with about 25 hours' tuition, so about average. High point was reverse parking while being watched by the inhabitants of not one, not two, but three white vans. Went great, got a little round of applause. Low point was almost running a woman on a bicycle off the road. I comforted myself by assuming she was a Nazi.

If only I could afford a car...

[thenoise]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRNm0_TAj_4

edit: my apologies to buttgammon

[Dark Sky]

i can quite honestly say that i've never met a driving examiner in a social encounter, and considering the amount of time i've spent in pubs and what not the chances of not meeting one over the years is fucking slim - i've met at least 30 "ex members" of the s.a.s. though.

You may think this is strange, but I don't. 

Out of a driving examiner and an ex member of the SAS (real or not), who do you think is more likely to be proud of their job and want to tell any old stranger about it in a pub?

I would imagine that being a driving examiner is a bit like being an executioner.  Everyone knows that they exist, but nobody wants to knowingly meet them.

[Lee Van Cleef]

I drive on one of those crazy roundabouts in Colchester when I go down there.  First few times it confused the fuck out of me, then when I remembered to just pay attention to the mini roundabout I was at it was one of those zen moments when the world slows down.

[Dead kate moss]

Passed fourth time. Still sometimes think I'm winging it, and big fuck-off roundabouts can shit me up, especially if I've never encountered them before. Did about ten of them today going to Heathrow then Canterbury and back. I reckon the little Jap schoolkids in the back find it exciting when the western roundeye is driving at 100 mph listening to Revolting Cocks' Jesus Built My Hot-Rod. They don't complain anyway, very quiet they are.

[Dead kate moss]

edit - Ministry of course, not Revolting Cocks. So sorry.

[monkfromhavana]

I would imagine that being a driving examiner is a bit like being an executioner.  Everyone knows that they exist, but nobody wants to knowingly meet them.

I'd imagine that they would want to remain anonymous, so as to preserve their inegrity when it comes to the test. You've probably met loads but they've told you that they're butchers or something.

Anyway, male driving instructors are just pervs who don't have the balls to be teachers.

[lardboy]

Which, technically, isn't a roundabout, but looks like one.

^^Junction 7 of the M6.  I went through that every school day for 7 years, so it's imprinted on my brain.

[Noodle Lizard]

I failed my UK driving test three times in the space of about a month, getting worse each time (starting with 1 major, 4 minors, ending with 3 or 4 majors and something stupid like 18 minors).  The irritating thing is that none of the majors were ever dangerous - one of them was for slowing down for a flashing amber because there were some kids hanging about who looked as if they might cross ("shoulda flattened the bastards" the examiner remarked whilst scratching his bollocks).  And things like "driving too close to parked vehicles" on those tiny side-streets where they make you do manoeuvres.  It's all a bit bollocks, really - and for £62 a go (not including whatever you have to pay to use the car), it takes the piss a bit.

Then I arrived in the US the Friday before last and was driving by Tuesday afternoon.  On Monday I took the written test as soon as I'd filled in my forms and had my photo taken, got my permit, booked the practical test for the next day, took the practical test, passed with ease.  All of that for $31, seriously.  I don't really know how that helps you, but I really get the impression the DMV (US version of DVLA) actually wants you to pass your test, whereas the opposite seems to be true in the UK.  Probably because they can get away with charging £62 a go, not to mention £30 odd just to take the fucking theory test.  And that's not including the £50 odd you had to pay just to get your provisional license.  It's bollocks, really.

My story isn't particularly interesting though, so I'll give you one that happened to a member of my sixth-form college who actually managed to run over his examiner on his third attempt.  Amazingly, that's not what he failed for.

[Dead kate moss]

I'm pretty sure they don't want any more cars on the road until you spent hundreds of pounds failing a few times. When I failed three times my then gf, from Taiwan, basically couldn't believe it (and thought I was a moron). To her, as in Taiwan, it was merely a formality where they checked you could put the key in the ignition and not make the car explode in a 45 minute period, not a test they'd rather you failed unless you fluke a perfect score that day.

One fail was because I caused a car to slow down when changing lanes. The instructor told me to change lanes, the other lane was full so I indicated and a car slowed down so I could change lanes. That happens all the time when driving, he didn't have to screech to a stop or anything. He failed me for that. Another test I took a corner without checking my mirrors in an obvious enough way, then mounted the pavement and ploughed into a group of school-children, as often happens in normal driving. I failed for that!

[Noodle Lizard]

I'm not sure about other European countries, but considering it costs $31 for everything required to get a driver's license in the US, I'm not sure how they can justify charging more than double that just to have an ill-fated stab at the practical test (which you also have to wait fucking ages for another go at if you fail it).

[bomb_dog]

Also:
Which, technically, isn't a roundabout, but looks like one.

M6 J7, and ICM£5.

I hate this junction. Always being chased around it by people who drive it everyday, and swing wildly to either side when merging, ignoring your signalling. There is only a short distance where three roads merge into one before splitting off toward/away from Birmingham or back onto the M6. (Right of the pylon and below the maroon car on the right hand side of the picture). nasty.

[monkfromhavana]

Wouldn't it be cheaper to go on holiday to the states, take your test there, then just come back and drive on your U.S. License?

[Zetetic]

I really get the impression the DMV (US version of DVLA) actually wants you to pass your test, whereas the opposite seems to be true in the UK.  Probably because they can get away with charging £62 a go, not to mention £30 odd just to take the fucking theory test.  And that's not including the £50 odd you had to pay just to get your provisional license.  It's bollocks, really.

Rather importantly, the DMV is the whatever-goddamn-state-you're-in version of the DVLA, right? So I imagine there's a fair bit of variation across the United States.

[Dead kate moss]

There's a list of which places in the UK have the best pass rates. Little villages with not much traffic mostly. You're best off taking your test in one of them. London is a stupid place to take your test.

[buttgammon]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRNm0_TAj_4

edit: my apologies to buttgammon

No problem! That episode wasn't the bad one...

[Stanley Turbine]

Wouldn't it be cheaper to go on holiday to the states, take your test there, then just come back and drive on your U.S. License?

You can only drive for 1 year in the UK with a US driving license and there's no way to exchange a US license for a UK one, unlike licenses from many other countries (technically it is still possible, because some other countries in the EU do have agreements with some US states, but it would be a lot of hassle). Also a lot of states require you to prove residency, such as Oregon where I took my test (which took about 15 minutes and cost $9).

[Dead kate moss]

What's with the reversing around a corner part of the test anyway? Since passing I have never once needed to reverse around a corner. Why would you?

[Lee Van Cleef]

Fuck cars.  Really.  Fuck them.

[monkfromhavana]

What's with the reversing around a corner part of the test anyway? Since passing I have never once needed to reverse around a corner. Why would you?

I suppose it's kinda the same technique as reversing into a car parking space in Tesco. Reversing and turning at the same time.

[Dead kate moss]

Yeah, I practiced reverse parking in a parking space, and had to do it on my test. I now have to do that in real life. I never have to reverse my car around a corner.