Moaning

[Small Man Big Horse]

I've been a bit all over the place for the last month and it's starting to get a bit frustrating. Sometimes I'm my normal self and happy and relaxed and all that, but other days I feel very low, have the urge to cry at random times, and have suicidal thoughts - I should stress that they're normally fleeting and I have no intention on acting on them, but it's bloody annoying that I have them in the first place. I'm already on 40mg of Citalopram and 750mg of Depakote and really don't want to up my dosage again as (embarrassingly) my lack of a sex drive is irritating enough.

I don't know what's brought it on as my circumstances haven't really changed, bar my knee being a bit more of a bastard than usual, and that I'm really really struggling with being single / sexual frustration at the moment. Which folks might've noticed I've been banging on about prostitution even more than usual. I guess it could be partially due to some rubbish experiences on the dating site side of things, and I'm definitely disappointed with myself when it comes to the lack of improvement on the stand up front, but I don't want to give that up because it's become a big part of my social life, and I do enjoy doing it. I just wish I was better at it.

Ah, I don't know, hopefully this will pass (and it's all probably not helped by an ex-girlfriend getting married in a week's time) and I've been in this place before and recovered, I just hope I manage to do so without needing to seek professional help yet again.

[mook]

if it helps at all you've always been my favourite Small Man Big Horse.

[Cerys]

Mine too.

[Mr Eggs]

Get back on the dating horse, Small Man Big Horse. Consider paying for it and avoiding OK cupid.[nb]Not paying for sex, I mean dating sites eg Guardian Soulmates[/nb]

[BlodwynPig]

I've resigned myself to being single forevermore. If you'd like we could meet in a park, SMBH, and watch some ducks?

[Cerys]

Isn't that what spies do?

[Small Man Big Horse]

Aw, thank you all, you made me laugh, and then you made me cry. That's just how mental I am at the moment. But it felt good to have a big sob and indulge in some self-pity before coming up with a vague plan on how to change things. Admittedly so far that's only a) Be funnier, and b) Find women who are attracted to men with rubbish knees, there surely must be some kind of fetish site for that. Which is a bit weak, I know, but hey, it'll do for tonight.

And Mr Pig, there's no need for you to give up yet. Perhaps we both just need to learn Bridge and target a higher age range.

[BlodwynPig]

And Mr Pig, there's no need for you to give up yet. Perhaps we both just need to learn Bridge and target a higher age range.

The last two (and only two from dating sites) were in their 40s, one acted like a teen and the other like a OAP. I decided to give up on those sites as I felt unclean. Still hoping for one of my foreign amours pulls through, otherwise its park benches and ducks. Maybe a west highland terrier as well.

[Nuclear Optimism]

I just got a call that I have to be in at work at 7 tomorrow morning to sit on my broken fucking chair. Fucking fuck fuckers.

[Dead kate moss]

Break it completely and you'll get a new one.

[Serge]

And Mr Pig, there's no need for you to give up yet. Perhaps we both just need to learn Bridge and target a higher age range.

Damn, I was looking forward to us all getting together in the park and getting into scrapes like some kind of new version of 'Last Of The Summer Wine' with me as Compo and Alex Kingston as Nora Batty. Or just as Alex Kingston.

[Mr Eggs]

With your avatar, Mr Serge....The Circus will watch the ducks.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Damn, I was looking forward to us all getting together in the park and getting into scrapes like some kind of new version of 'Last Of The Summer Wine' with me as Compo and Alex Kingston as Nora Batty. Or just as Alex Kingston.

I'm not there yet, but that's how I imagine our retirement to be. Though I've yet to decide whether to I'm Clegg or Foggy. Probably the former thinking about it, he was the sexiest of the three.

[Nuclear Optimism]

Break it completely and you'll get a new one.

No there's no fucking money to replace it. Fucking previous boss and his fucking thievery.

[tookish]

Can't believe I missed out on the SMBH love-in. Well, fuck you all for starting without me, I'm going to say my piece anyway.

SMBH is (though neither a small man nor a big horse) a very fine fellow, and deserving of happiness and a lovely lady. Which I am confident he will get. Hang in there, my friend.

Also going to butt in on the moaning. I'm currently beginning some fairly scary and intense therapy to tackle issues surrounding abuse. All well and good, probably the best thing if I want to live a vaguely happy life in the future, which I really think I do.

The problem is that all this stuff I very sensibly squashed into far corners of my brain is being dredged up again. I'm apparently meant to confront it all now. It's okay to confront it when my therapist is there to stop things from getting too weird. But it doesn't stop there, obviously. I can't switch it off as soon as I leave. I either have to hide from it, or face it, so now I face it all the time. Exhausting to think about domestic violence or sexual assault when I'm trying to eat a sandwich.

My dreams have been fucking dreadful too; last night I dreamt disembodied hands were crawling up my legs and under my dressing gown.

I now have a girlfriend, but she's going through so much stuff of her own, and keeps ending things with me, around once every two days. Sometimes it's in a 'this is for the best' kind of way, sometimes in a 'you are dead to me' kind of way. Then later she'll call me in tears and ask me to forgive her. I really want to be there for her, I wish she'd let me...but on the other hand, there's only so many times I can have her tell me I'm 'not a real man' before it gets old.

Plus I'm still horribly in love with my ex-fiancée. Gah.

[Nuclear Optimism]

I've deliberately decided to get drunk so I'll be fucked up tomorrow. That'll show them.

(They can't sack me cause I know where the waste was dumped in the lake.)

[Dead kate moss]

I've deliberately decided to get drunk so I'll be fucked up tomorrow. That'll show them.

(They can't sack me cause I know where the waste was dumped in the lake.)

This is the start of a movie. I'm afraid you will have to do some running, you may get some sex, but your best friend or someone you really trust will betray you.

[BlodwynPig]

I'm not there yet, but that's how I imagine our retirement to be. Though I've yet to decide whether to I'm Clegg or Foggy. Probably the former thinking about it, he was the sexiest of the three.

My favourite was always Clegg, so i'll be him (the sensible one)

[mook]

can i be the one that cheats on his missus with the slapper on the bike?

[SockPuppet]

....have the urge to cry....sexual frustration

Have a little wank, have a little cry?

(I'm not very good at this 'advice' lark....though I did google 'knee fetish' and discovered that a few people do indeed have one)

[mook]

i didn't google "knee fetish" to help out SMBH, but i did try to find out if douglas bader's wife was still knocking about. she's proper dead.

[BlodwynPig]

can i be the one that cheats on his missus with the slapper on the bike?

Aye, fits your character perfectly.

[mook]

Aye, fits your character perfectly.

hello, thom - was it the piglet and the new puppy that tipped you off as to who i am? look mate, i'm not sorry about having a long and terrible affair with your wife nina, you'd both been going through a rough patch for awhile, and even though i found her physically and mentally repulsive, i just had to fuck her to cheer her up, heaven only knows she needed it, that's the sort of fellow i am. i am a bit sorry about turning her into a lesbian though, although i do lay most of the blame for that at the door of her sister. they're a fucking weird family, but you knew that and you're best off out of it.

all the best, and happy autumn.



allan.

[BlodwynPig]

alla,

I'm not naming names, but it wasn't the piglet. I've got a new wife now, Sheila, she's from Bradford and is a muslim. We're doing alright thank you very much and you're welcome any time Allan, you know that. Water under the bridge. Bygraves be Bygraves. Just don't bring the Sparrowhawk this time.

Thom

[castro diaz]

Yeah. Should do, but I really reckon it would have no effect at all. At best I'll get a mild apology, and what I want is to punch Mr Shouty-Bloke or at least have a proper discussion with him without his fine-inflicing powers so I can humiliate him with simple logic until he admits he was talking out of his arse and I wasn't 'picking up' anyone, the cunt.

Regardless of all that anyone wearing an official hat shouldn't be swearing at customers, and I imagine his boss, or his boss, thinks the same.  Steve Buscemi will cheer you up.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCCyll3Psbg

[Cerys]

SMBH is sweetly pretty, just what a real Verbwhore should be. I mean, speaking as a Verbwhore myself I can safely say this; that SMBH is a wonderful bloke, and I want to protect him.

[mook]

i want to corrupt him.

[BlodwynPig]

i want to corrupt him.

c'mon allan, you're above all of this

[mook]

c'mon allan, you're above all of this

i'd have like to have thought so thom - but it ain't so. i'd like to take him on capers and scarper, as is the approved method, but what with his leg being all gamey makes scarpering almost impossible for him. such a waist. that probably doesn't help either.

[BlodwynPig]

indeed, such a waist