Moaning

[Cerys]

indeed, such a waist

Don't mock.

[BlodwynPig]

Don't smock.

Indeed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWr93c7V6TQ&feature=autoplay&list=PLnpic3E-nBxNbz00w2hQSp_lY-YMAwfLx&playnext=17

[Cerys]

Linseed

If you insist -

[BlodwynPig]

What's that i hear?...Piers Morgan...naturally

[tookish]

Blodwyn, that made me nauseous.

[Dead kate moss]

Blodwyn, that made me nauseous.

You should have seen the holes in my skin when they took the bandages off yesterday. Then put some more on, this is going to last over a week apparently, ffs. Also, if I'm moaning, the car park at Hampstead Royal Free is ridiculous. Its a tiny indoor L shape, so if you get to the end and there's no spaces you can't get back out or even turn around if there's a car behind you.

[Small Man Big Horse]

SMBH is sweetly pretty, just what a real Verbwhore should be. I mean, speaking as a Verbwhore myself I can safely say this; that SMBH is a wonderful bloke, and I want to protect him.

Aw, thank you, and it goes without saying that you're all kinds of loveliness too. I've promised myself not to commit murder anymore, but if anything were to 'happen' to SNG, I'd dash up to that strange Welsh place you live in within hours. Either to be a new lover, or adopted son. I'm not sure which. Possibly both.

i'd have like to have thought so thom - but it ain't so. i'd like to take him on capers and scarper, as is the approved method, but what with his leg being all gamey makes scarpering almost impossible for him. such a waist. that probably doesn't help either.

See I want to go on capers, but you're right, the knee spoils everything. Just the other day I was going to kiss a tesco's checkout man as he looked so low, but knew that if it all went wrong I wouldn't be able to escape. Yet you haven't offered to organically grow me a new knee have you? Tsk, and to think I once loved you like a brother that I'd like to occasionally have sex with.

indeed, such a waist

My godchildren see it as a free bouncy castle available to them 365 days a year, so until they grow out of this phase, I refuse to lose weight. Tabby really needs to stop grabbing hold of my nipples though, I don't know where she got the idea from (but I wouldn't be surprised if it was you, Mr Pig!) but it's not something I enjoy at all.

Can't believe I missed out on the SMBH love-in. Well, fuck you all for starting without me, I'm going to say my piece anyway.

SMBH is (though neither a small man nor a big horse) a very fine fellow, and deserving of happiness and a lovely lady. Which I am confident he will get. Hang in there, my friend.

Aw, thank you so much for this too, and I hope so. I've promised myself not to commit suicide until I'm at least 50, so I've got 12 years to find someone weird enough to take me on. And that normally happens once every three years. It's just very very frustrating that it's been three and a half years now since I've been with such a crazy/lovely person.

And thank you all for the kind (and unkind!) words in this thread, they've warmed the cockles of my heart so thank you again for them everyone.

Also going to butt in on the moaning. I'm currently beginning some fairly scary and intense therapy to tackle issues surrounding abuse. All well and good, probably the best thing if I want to live a vaguely happy life in the future, which I really think I do.

The problem is that all this stuff I very sensibly squashed into far corners of my brain is being dredged up again. I'm apparently meant to confront it all now. It's okay to confront it when my therapist is there to stop things from getting too weird. But it doesn't stop there, obviously. I can't switch it off as soon as I leave. I either have to hide from it, or face it, so now I face it all the time. Exhausting to think about domestic violence or sexual assault when I'm trying to eat a sandwich.

My heart so goes out to you for having to go through all of this. I've vaguely similar experience, having been told once that I was too depressed for therapy and that it would be dangerous to give me it at the time, so I had to wait six months until the meds kicked in. Whilst I've not been through the same experiences they sound truly awful and I hate the fact that you've been through all of this. I just hope the therapy makes it easier, have you spoken to your therapist on ways to manage whilst you're not seeing them?

My dreams have been fucking dreadful too; last night I dreamt disembodied hands were crawling up my legs and under my dressing gown.

Nightmares are things of evil, and I wish I had advice, but I can't stop getting them myself. This page has some advice on how to deal with them: http://www.webmd.boots.com/sleep-disorders/guide/nightmares-in-adults - but I've tried most of them in the past and they haven't been that effective sadly.

I now have a girlfriend, but she's going through so much stuff of her own, and keeps ending things with me, around once every two days. Sometimes it's in a 'this is for the best' kind of way, sometimes in a 'you are dead to me' kind of way. Then later she'll call me in tears and ask me to forgive her. I really want to be there for her, I wish she'd let me...but on the other hand, there's only so many times I can have her tell me I'm 'not a real man' before it gets old.

My first advice would be to hold on to them as tightly as you can, and never let them escape. But you're still young, and that's terrible advice which should only be taken by those over the age of 35(!) I guess it all depends on how it affects you on a day to day basis, if it's too much for your own sanity it might be worth cutting ties. But then if you can see a real future with this person, that it may be worth hanging on in there for the time being.

Plus I'm still horribly in love with my ex-fiancée. Gah.

I so feel for you on this one too, as I was in love with my ex for a horribly long time. I think the only way to deal with it is to cut them out of your life completely, and reprimand your brain if you start thinking about them. But it takes a long old time to completely get over someone most of the time. But I hope this doesn't apply for you.

You should have seen the holes in my skin when they took the bandages off yesterday. Then put some more on, this is going to last over a week apparently, ffs. Also, if I'm moaning, the car park at Hampstead Royal Free is ridiculous. Its a tiny indoor L shape, so if you get to the end and there's no spaces you can't get back out or even turn around if there's a car behind you.

Pics please.[nb]Of the wound, not the car park. I've seen that in real life and was equally unimpressed.[/nb]

[Hangthebuggers]

Its a tiny indoor L shape, so if you get to the end and there's no spaces you can't get back out or even turn around if there's a car behind you.

If I was in charge, everything would be ludicrously built. And awkward.

(I'm in one of those moods).

[BlodwynPig]

For the record, SMBH, I wasn't having a go at your size, merely at the unfortunate error in mook's post. You have the loveliest face of all the males on here, too. The others all look like hipster wankers, whereas you look like a recently graduated wise owl - still fresh faced, but wise. You know what I mean.

Edit: Places shovel back in shed in resignation

[Replies From View]

secateurs

I believe the French exclamation when chopped with these is to burst out "non-sequiturs!!" in that funny voice they do.  And then to suddenly fall about laughing and forget all about the blood and the fingertip hanging listlessly from its wires.

[Buelligan]

That ^ is actually quite wrongsome.  What they, in fact, do, is to drag you into an old van and simultaneously squirt strong alcohol into your mouth and onto your dangling appendage and then snigger (with one another) and shrug a great deal about how you trembled and struggled to imbibe as much of the squirting firewater as possible.  This is the utter truth.

[Replies From View]

Do all the emergency services in France squirt firewater?  Or are you describing French people in general?

[Small Man Big Horse]

For the record, SMBH, I wasn't having a go at your size, merely at the unfortunate error in mook's post. You have the loveliest face of all the males on here, too. The others all look like hipster wankers, whereas you look like a recently graduated wise owl - still fresh faced, but wise. You know what I mean.

Edit: Places shovel back in shed in resignation

Spoiler alert

Thank you for your kind words, though you clearly meant a sexy wise owl. Obviously. And I knew the previous comment wasn't meant seriously, but where's the fun in that?

[close]

Just stop telling Tabby to twist my nipples man, how many times do I have to beg!!

[Dead kate moss]

Pics please.[nb]Of the wound, not the car park.

Like I say, they've bandaged it back up now so I can't. By the time they are open to the air they'll just be relatively unimpressive big scabs.

[Cerys]

Scabs?  Brilliant!

[vrailaine]

Basically my only close friend for the last while doesn't want to talk to me any more because I make her feel sad.

[Cerys]

Dress up as a clown and conceal yourself in her bedroom, ready to leap out at her just as she gets into bed.  Instant chuckles!

[Hanslow]

I've just been casually told I won't be getting the work I've been promised for the last 6 months. I'm also having to deal with the usual introspective crap that comes with becoming a year older.

my lack of a sex drive is irritating enough.

...

struggling with being single / sexual frustration at the moment

I say rid yourself of that sex drive all the more. At least until your in a position to take regular position. Sexual frustration can be a mighty headfuck.

[buttgammon]

1. Another fucking apthous mouth ulcer, another course of gargling every two hours and probably another visit to the doctors when it turns out things are getting messy again (i.e. because it's difficult to not get stuff like food on an open sore in your fucking mouth).
2. Flooded train lines just when I needed to use them.
3. Those stupid infatuations that you can't shake even though they obviously aren't going anywhere. Yes, it's been a long time.
4. Why the fuck don't they make those nobbly sherbet lemons that cut your mouth open any more? (Maybe my propensity for serrated sweets explains my mouth ulcers).
5. Buying several novels off Amazon and then realising they're in the huge anthology thing I also ordered. The plus side is realising I now have a William Faulkner collection.
6. I got a beautiful new jacket a couple of weeks ago but the buttons look a bit loose and I'm too scared to wear it much in case they drop off because my hand eye co-ordination is atrocious and I won't be able to get them back on.

On balance, life is sweet at the moment.

[Duane Dog Chapman]

I'm going on a sex drive on tuesday if anybody's interested? I've got 0.8 shards of tina and I'm popping down the Pacific West Coast Highway. Might even pop off for fish and chips if you're interested? PM me.

[Ginyard]

Are you going past Hitchin?

[Lost Oliver]

I've got a cold yet everyone I meet has told me that I have man-flu. What am I supposed to do when people tell me that? Laugh? Can someone help me? ANYONE.

[Cerys]

Point out to them that if it were man-flu, you'd be complaining a lot more.  'Man-flu' stems from the misandric assumption that women are strong in the face of illlness, whereas men whinge about their impending doom if they get so much as a light cold.  Fuck the misandrists.  And then, when you're less snotty, fuck them properly.[nb]Addendum - only the ones that you want to, and only with their consent[/nb]

[Dead kate moss]

Well this is the wound, sneakily taken at the hospital while the nurse was out of the room. it's a week old now. I worry it isn't grisly enough for you, but it is what it is...

http://desmond.imageshack.us/Himg19/scaled.php?server=19&filename=dkm1weeklater.jpg&res=landing

[Small Man Big Horse]

Well I for one enjoyed it. How did you do it? And is there hope for a permanent scar?

[Dead kate moss]

Spilt a pan of boiling water (for making coffee as was cleaning kettle) over it. Hopefully a couple of nasty scars will remain, yes.

[Mr Eggs]

Well this is the wound, sneakily taken at the hospital while the nurse was out of the room. it's a week old now. I worry it isn't grisly enough for you, but it is what it is...

http://desmond.imageshack.us/Himg19/scaled.php?server=19&filename=dkm1weeklater.jpg&res=landing

It looks like a Disney character that never got chosen. Perhaps due to the cock on its head/bollocks for eyes. Nice.

[Cerys]

Youch.