Occasions when you feel like Dee Dee from 'Limmy's Show'

[non capisco]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-daaulqpQ8&feature=related

Fuckin'.....

...I usually get the 176 bus into work in London. I'm invariably reading a book on my commute and am completely oblivious in general to anything outside my own head and what I'm reading. However, the pre-recorded woman's voice that announces the next stop started to cut into my thoughts each day at one specific point during the journey, the point where the bus is about to go past The Old Vic theatre. Were my ears deceiving me or does she say 'The Old Vic' in a slightly sexy way? As if to insinuate that she'd enjoyed a memorable carnal encounter within that venue, perhaps a partner gave her a clandestine fingering during a boring play or something. 'The Oooooold Vic!' (nudge nudge). I'm sure I just heard that. I'm definitely gonna have to remember to listen out for it next time.

The next couple of journeys I was absorbed in my book again, right up until the bus went past Kevin Spacey's gaff and 'The Oooold Vic' (remember that, night, eh? Wink) suddenly intruded into my thought space with her subtle but noticeably saucy delivery. She is saying it in a sexy way, right? She's all efficient cheeriness for the others but turns into the Caramel Bunny for 'The Old Vic'. Right, tomorrow. I'm not getting my book out until we're past The Old Vic. I'm keeping my ears peeled for you, you minx.

So I do just that the next day. I pay attention to the geographical location of the bus right up until we're past Camberwell, past Elephant & Castle and coming up to Waterloo. Here we go, here we go....'The Ooooold Vic' (we should do it again sometime, sweetheart. *squeezes knee*) Yes, she fucking well does say 'The Old Vic' in a slightly sexy way! I knew it!

OR DOES SHE? I told a friend about this and it amused him a bit and so on an occasion we were both on that bus I alerted him to the fact we were coming up to The Old Vic. Here we go, here we go, check this out....'The Old Vic'. WHAAAT?!! No frisson, no underlying eyebrow-waggling tone of innuendo, nothing. Just the same pleasant neutrality as all the other stops. I felt like James Bond in Moonraker when he takes M to check out that nefarious laboratory he's found and it's changed to just a prosaic old room. What the fuck happened? What had I been hearing those other times? Had I gone mad or were London Transport messing with me? I suppose I'll never know.

[Thursday]

It can be easy to project a certain tone to the announcement destinations, I always interpreted a certain exasperation in her voice outside "Ye Olde Cherry Tree" in Southgate, as if to say "Really, we're going to name the destination after that? We're not just going to give it a sensible name? Alright, well whatever"

Conversely, she seemed to show a lot of restraint outside the Tally Ho in Finchley. She avoids the temptation to elongate the Ho and instead places the stress in an unexpected syllable in the word Tally.

[thecuriousorange]

I got out of bed at 7pm today.

I was hungover so I just kept going back to sleep.

[Big Jack McBastard]

I've been wrapped in a brown blanket and drinking for the best part of 7 hours.