Invent your own TV shows from the past

[Norton Canes]

8:30 - The New Page Programme

Bob Hoskins explains how to transform your life

[Norton Canes]

1:45 - Bagpuss Meets The Clangers

(8/13) The Froglets serenade Professor Yaffle

[ollyboro]

There Goes The Neighbourhood!!

1975 quiz show, hosted by Kenny Lynch, in which contestants attempt to win a new house. Choose the wrong house and meet your new non-white neighbours, when Kenny gets the studio audience to shout 'There Goes The Neighbourhood!!'

I'll Show You Mine!!

Early 90's Channel 4, late night edgy show, hosted by Tufty. Contestants push their genitalia through glory holes in front of a whooping studio audience, whilst their partners attempt to recognise them.

Jonathan King's History Of Adolescent Underwear

From 1988 -A six part light-hearted look at teenage boys pants through history.

[JoeyBananaduck]

Dickless Wonder

Rarely remembered sentimental Sunday-night drama starring Aled Jones. Born lacking genitals or essentially any sexual characteristics whatsoever, Richard Wonderful politely gambols through North Yorkshire in search of those in distress, worry or states of quandary. In order to ensure some viewing figures outside of Jones' own fanbase, the recipients of Richard's kindness would inevitably be absolute 10/10 stunners in skintight short-cut dresses with their cleavages bursting out - but thanks to his condition, Wonderful was able to look past all that and keep a clear and cool head in order to logically and thoughtfully address the problem at hand. Unlike you, who just used it for wank fodder, didn't you, you dirty bastard?

[Huxleys Babkins]

Bastard Zone - Channel 4 - 1996

Mad Frankie Fraser hosts the popular late night video game show.

[Glebe]

Ain't It Warm, Mate?

Join Kenneth 'Mike from OFAH' MacDonald as he is shipped over to Falklands, in this hilarious warcom from ITV in 1983. Written by Roy Clarke.

[ollyboro]

Sink Or Swim

Never broadcast quiz pilot from 2001. Contestants answer questions to allow them to hook a rubber duck with a prize attached. But miss and watch your little ducky sink. Hosted by Michael 'Awight' Barrymore.

The Dating Game

Never broadcast Blind Date spin-off pilot from 2002. Hosted by John Leslie.

The Dando Files

Never broadcast hard-hitting consumer affairs pilot from 1999. Jill Dando doorsteps unscrupulous traders.

[Glebe]

Crush My Spirit.

It's 1993, and Matthew Kelly is quizmaster for this samey ITV quiz.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Mahogany - Granada - 1997

Astonishingly decadent chat show set in the opulence of a gothic stately home. In tonight's show Mariella Frostrup hands the smoking jacket to veteran actor Michael Caine who samples a 230 year matured brandy and talks about his collection of classic British sports cars. Meanwhile All Saints trade their vests and combats for £10,000 Versace evening gowns to perform Never Ever, backed by the London Symphony Orchestra.

[Huxleys Babkins]

The Hundred Ronnies - BBC - 1968

Horrific comedy sketch show presented by David Frost. One hundred men named Ronnie in thick glasses enter the arena, but only one can leave. Scrapped after filming only three episodes due to legal action by the wife of Ronnie Bayliss who was beheaded during an early version of "Nothing's Too Much Trouble". The format was later relaunched as a two man show with the contestants slowly poisoning each other with heavily diluted weed killer.

This long-awaited DVD release has been digitally remastered and features bonus commentary from writer Barry Cryer, surviving contestant and rock star Ronnie Wood and eventual winner Ronnie Corbett.

[Glebe]

A Cuppa  Tea an' a Nice Slice of Cake!

Join Jon Pertwee in the guise of loveable childrens' favourite Wurzel Gummidge, as he changes tack and plays the surprizing role of gameshow quizmaster, with tonight's star prize being, yes, you guessed it... a cuppa tea an' a nice slice ("slaice!") of cake! On Channel 4 from 1989-91.

[JoeyBananaduck]

Wet Willies and Sticky Beaks

Frankly, far too literal and possibly illegal post-pub gameshow presided over by Telly's Terry 'Quality' Christian.

[Glebe]

Slam Jim Davidson in the Face with a Giant Sledgehammer!

We certainly will, Les Dennis, on ITV in the mid-'90s! For a small fee, Davidson agreed to be strapped into the 'Slamdancer', for the entertainment of all and sundry! "'ere, Les, can oi geh aht nah?" "Oh, well ah don't really know!"

[JoeyBananaduck]

Pinky, Elmyra & The Brain & Stimpy

Network interference combined with a Viacom merger forced the now-suicidal creative minds behind a once classic cartoon to find the layer beyond the bottom of the barrel. Using plot and satire to wryly launch subtle digs at the executives was replaced by characters simply launching white-hot blisteringly vitriolic screeds that would make Jerry Sadowitz blush, at all involved with the show's 'tweaking', their loved ones, their religious beliefs and everything they once held dear. Quickly cancelled pending several lawsuits.

"What are we going to do tonight, Brain?"
"The same thing we do every night, Pinky. **** these mother******** in their ****** while their ***** children are forced to watch me ***** the mangled ***** of ****** *** ***** **************** **************** because I think the show has lost its way somewhat."

[Glebe]

Eradicate All Happiness!

Channel 4, weekdays, the late '90s. Angus Deayton takes to his 'Throne of Degradation', as contestants are asking to ponder a series of baffling conundrums from which their is no escape and little or no hope. Should they fail, the Gronk - a dark, imposing voice from above - announces the opening of the 'death hatch' beneath said contestant's feet. The winner gets to live another day in this bleak, hopeless reality, but every episode sees the hapless studio audience torched to ashes, while Deayton signs off with ill blessings for you at home.

[Ferris]

Culshaw's Cul-de-sacs

Late night satirical impressionist John Culshaw takes a tour round suburban Britain to answer the question - is this really a "dead-end" moment for the humble cul-de-sac (and his career)?

[Dannyhood91]

Game of Cones 2014

Channel 4 reality series about Robin Ball, a Skegness based ice cream van operator and Glenn Gimp who works on the production line of a traffic cone factory and the unlikely story of their love.

Warning: Contains racial slurs and dangly dicks

[JoeyBananaduck]

Urgh, racial slurs.

[Glebe]

Quiz for a Pittance!

Tom O' Connor was your host for this '90s classic where impossible questions are asked, with the elusive top prize of a fiver up for grabs.

[Glebe]

Wogan's Whirligig!

Each episode of this quick-fire quiz saw Terry Wogan arrive at the studio on a giant, flying whirligig! Sunday afternoons on Channel 4 at the end off the 20th Century.

[Glebe]

Who's First for the Mangler?

Hard up for cash in 2003, Jim Bowen signed on for this nasty little product, which ended in murder charges for Channel 5.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Bosley! - Meridian - 1995

Short-lived sitcom starring Joe Pasquale. Record label boss Arnold Bosley has almost everything; money, respect and a squeaky voice. But can he ever find love? In tonight's episode, Bosley finally gets a date with Denise, but Jeremy's pet moths have escaped and eaten all of his clothes.

[Glebe]

Danger! AIDS!

This provocative 1985 ITV drama series saw a crack team of doctors deal with this new horror plague up and down the country. Patrick McGoohan played Dr. Snides Willoughby, who, together with his crack team of doctors, dealt with this new horror plague. Up and down the country.

[Glebe]

Punch a Duck!

Go on! Do it!

[Glebe]

Do Me a Favour!

This mid-'90s ITV classic had them all reeling in the aisles, as Bob Hoskins asked members of the public to "Do me a (bloody!) favour!" in the name of local charities and that. The Saturday teatime slot allotted this Surprise Surprise-like vehicle suited it's feel-good family format, although it has to be said that Hoskins could get a little too heavy at times, and the main theme from The Long Good Friday was perhaps a little inappropriate as the show's signature tune.

[lebowskibukowski]

NEPHROSCLEROSIS MURDER

Follow up to the much-loved Dick Van Dyke vehicle.
Mark Sloan tries to figure out who is pouring concrete into the dialysis machine at Community General.

Featuring Barry Cryer as Dr Mark Sloan, Aiden J Harvey as huge-chinned shit detective Barry Van Sloan, and Scott Baio as Little Tommy Robinson

[Sebastian Cobb]

Willie Thorne visits popular holiday destinations abroad.

Jet-Set Willy ITV 7pm, 1985.

[Norton Canes]

The Shittypins

The Shittypins go on holiday

[Norton Canes]

The Shittypins

The Shittypins go shopping

[Norton Canes]

The Shittypins

The Shittypins go on holiday (repeat)