Why are you not watching the football!!!????!?

[Spoon of Ploff]

Lots of goal pudding for the pundits to chew over.

[Ferris]

Anyone else think they went on for longer than usual there? I wasn't timing them but I reckon a few of them went well over an hour (70-80 minutes maybe?)

[hedgehog90]

Anyone else think they went on for longer than usual there? I wasn't timing them but I reckon a few of them went well over an hour (70-80 minutes maybe?)

I'm a massive football fan, but the one I saw just went on and on and on. I wouldn't be surprised if you told me it was 5 hours long from start to finish.

I say this all the time - if no one's scored a goal by half time, abandon the game and let a panel of judges determine the winner, for the second half Robbie Williams performs an impromptu concert, at the end Robbie is handed a golden envelope and announces the winner - but does FIFA listen? NO!

[Spoon of Ploff]

What game of football will people not be watching next and lets watch that one.

Nothing can stand in the way of the football. Its a force of nature like tornados and hayfever.

[New Jack]

Come on you men

[hedgehog90]

What game of football will people not be watching next and lets watch that one.

Nothing can stand in the way of the football. Its a force of nature like tornados and hayfever.

Iran v Spain @ 7pm

There's no rest for the lads of football.

[greenman]

Rejected WC songs...

X Factor Drone 45/G - Go on England Lets Kick the Footy Football

Skinner and Brodie - Gazza's Dream(In the Cup For Ingurlund)

The MI5's - Exterminate the Slavic Scum for the Good of Mankind(including an E.S.S.G.M chant in the fashion of D.I.S.C.O)

[hedgehog90]

The long and winding ball
That goes, in your goal
Will never go in ours
I kick that ball so hard
It always goes in yours
Right into your goal

[Gregory Torso]

I can't watch the football. When does the next game start and would you be willing to describe it to me in excruciating detail?

[hedgehog90]

I'll be describing the Iran v Spain match tonight @ 7pm BST with S'Ploff and others hopefully.
Should be a really good game of football, I can't wait.

[Gregory Torso]

Thanks very much. I will use the imagination quadrant of my brain to picture the men running on the grass with the ball.

[manticore]

I just found out from the internet that football goals are 24 feet wide. 24 feet?! So why do they find it so hard to just kick the ball in there? I'm beginning to think they're not really trying a lot of the time.

[hedgehog90]

The geometry of a foot is such that when it impacts a spherical object, the direction of travel is almost completely random.
That's been my experience anyway.

[hedgehog90]

Goals, goals, goals
Goals, goals, goals
Goals, goals, goals

There's nothing you can kick that can't be kicked
Nothing you can score that can't be scored
Nothing you can learn, but you can learn how to play the game
Of football

Nothing you can shoot that can't be shot
No ball you can save that can't be saved
Nothing you can pass, but you can learn how to pass in time
The football

All you need are goals
All you need are goals
All you need are goals, goals
Goals are all you need

[hedgehog90]

Picture yourself on a pitch in the Summer
With really good turf and excellent goals
Somebody calls you, it's quite hard to hear him
A man in a chopper flies by.

Lacking charisma or maybe just shy
Flying right over your head
Look for the man with the voice of a child and he's gone

Michael in the sky with footballs
Michael in the sky with footballs
Michael in the sky with footballs
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[hedgehog90]

Let me tell you how it will be
There's one for you, nineteen for me
'Cause I am Beckham, yeah, I am Beckham

Should your side's net appear quite old
Be thankful I don't tear a hole
'Cause I am Beckham, yeah, I am Beckham

If you pass to me I'll kick it far
If you try to score, it'll hit the bar
If you don't play fair, I'll leave a scar
If you don't like sport, I can play guitar

[guitar solo]

'Cause I am Beckham, yeah, I am Beckham

[Spoon of Ploff]

score a goal, score a goal, score a goal
   score a goal score a goal, score a gaaaaaaahole
     score a goal, score a goal, score a goal,
       score a gahole, score. a. goal

score a goal, score a goal, score a goal,
   score a goal, scoreahh agu-hole, score a gooooall
       score a goal, score a goal, score a gaaaaaaaule,
         oh scka a goal, oh scka a goal, NO I'M IN GOOOOOOAAAALLL


repeat x10

[hedgehog90]

Michael, football
This is what I named my favourite ball,
My Michael

Michael, football
C'est ce que j'ai appelé ma balle préférée
Ma balle préférée

I kick you, I kick you, I kick you
Right into the goal
Until you grow too old
I will say the only words I know that you'll understand

Michael, football
C'est ce que j'ai appelé ma balle préférée
Ma balle préférée

I need to, I need to, I need to
I need to score some goals
Oh, what they mean to me
When I kick you I hope that you will go in some goals

[hedgehog90]

Turn off your mind relax and kick the ball
It is flying, it is flying

Lay down all thoughts, surrender to the goal,
It is addicting, it is addicting.

Yet you may see the meaning of football
It is marketing, it is marketing

Goals are all and goals are everywhere
It is scoring, it is scoring

And ignorance and hate are actually ace
It is exciting, it is exciting

But listen to the crowd that chant your name
It is encouraging, it is encouraging

So play the game of football to the end
Of the beginning, of the beginning

[hedgehog90]

And in the end
The shots you take
Are equal to the goals you make

[hedgehog90]

30 minutes until kickoff.
Don't think I've ever been this excited for a match ever before in my whole life.

[Spoon of Ploff]

such a perfect day
see goals scored in the match
and then later
when pundits chat, we go home


just a perfect day
See Iran score one or two
Then later
There's replays too, and then home

Oh, its such a perfect day
I'm glad I spent it with CAB
Was that a penalty?
The ref keeps me hanging on
VARS just keeps me hanging on


You're going to reap just what you sow....
It was never a foul, surely you know
That was a dive the replays will show...
Simulation is the lowest of low....

[Spoon of Ploff]

once again four teams have taken to the pitch. while the traditional karaoke is sung by the players the audience reach for the buttons beneath their seats to vote which two they want to play the match...

[Spoon of Ploff]

One more the two shortest teams have been rejected..and have been told to leave the stadium. This blatant heightism is starting to leave a bad taste in the mouth to be honest

[Spoon of Ploff]

Iran are all in one colour, Spain are all in another colour. This should avoid a degree of confusion when the match gets underway.

[hedgehog90]

One of the white players just saved a baby bird it seems.

[Spoon of Ploff]

it's happening! football is happening NOW!!

[Spoon of Ploff]

It should be noted that because of Trump, Iran's players are not allowed to wear football shoes and are having to make do with hollowed out potatoes.

[hedgehog90]

First time that Iran has ever played a match of football according to commentators. They're doing very well considering.

[hedgehog90]

Iranian goalie just punched the ball away like it was a vicious bird flying toward him a la Hitchcock's The Birds