Your predictions

[gib]

The crime rate will temporarily plummet, making post corona lockdowns a sensible choice for local people.

Youngsters will get fucked off obeying the lockdown and will form swarms.

This thread will be lucky to make 3 pages.

[Sherringford Hovis]

Electricity off in 10 days. Water in about three weeks. Repeated crop failures globally for years on end due to climate change and extreme weather. 98% human die-off within 8 years.

400,000 years from now: first bear cubs born with opposable thumbs.

[Carpool Dragon]

LISTEN!

[beanheadmcginty]

An exciting new range of uniquely British pasta recipes that would horrify the last few remaining Italians with their stodginess and lack of fresh ingredients. Corned beef and baked bean lasagne, Shippam's crab paste ravioli etc.

[Butchers Blind]

The virus will mutate further - men who are infected will grow an extra testicle increasing their need to masturbate.

[phes]

There will be a surge of new stuff written during the lockdown and this will encourage writers to explore DIY, modern and novel means to deliver the content out to an audience. This will not include anything written by Glinner, though he will be chuffed with his new bollock

[Dr Syntax Head]

Ant and dec will become deity's in a terrifying mad max style wasteland

[Head Gardener]

Live Aid III

[Bazooka]

Ant and dec will become deity's in a terrifying mad max style wasteland

PJ & Duncan's Let's Get Ready to Rumble is perfect for the thunderdome, quite ominous.

[idunnosomename]

Rolf makes a comeback

[Dex Sawash]

Live Aldi III

[Head Gardener]

[massive bereavement]

An increase in interest in bestiality as people become bored with their partners due to the lack of opportunities for affairs in the office etc.
First birth of a human-dog hybrid recorded in Wigan.

[ollyboro]

The first baby born after it is announced that the crisis is over will be born to a fat lass in a post-industrial town. The child will be called Hope. Hope's father will be an unmitigated piece of shit called Callum. Callum will be doing a stretch in a young offenders institute. Boris Johnson will attend the birth and make an excruciatingly awful speech in which he compares Hope to Elpis and Coronavirus  to Pandora's Box. He'll then further blot his copybook by sexually assaulting a nurse.

[Buelligan]

The next thing will be worse, make this look like a holiday.  Remember Brexit.  Austerity?  That thing with the banks?  Iraq?

[Better Midlands]

The artisan gin craze has let itself go.

[Emma Raducanu]

It's the austerity to follow that's depressing me. It's going to be a hundred times worse than the last ten years.

[weekender]

Source for this statistic please.

[Emma Raducanu]

My brain. Tell me I'm wrong. Please.

[weekender]

Well, there's a small chance you might be wrong.

Hope this helps.

[Captain Crunch]

The child will be called Hope.

I noticed on one of the Real Life Stories (RLS that are statistically proven to hold our attention 30% longer than raw data), a woman was struggling in isolation with her son Bilbo.  Bilbo. 

[weekender]

I noticed on one of the Real Life Stories (RLS that are statistically proven to hold our attention 30% longer than raw data), a woman was struggling in isolation with her son Bilbo.  Bilbo. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BC35cQKHwzg

Keep an eye out for 1.20 where Leonard Nimoy spins a toilet roll.

[weekender]

Highly Illogical.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjQVxLxXAC8

[jfjnpxmy]

The United States will split into 3 countries.
There'll be a wave of unsolved crimes cause everyone's now au fait with masking up, gloving up and disinfecting their touch-trails.
Social distancing will hang on for a while, meaning jousting will become the go-to for settling pub quarrels.

[Sony Walkman Prophecies]

Ant and dec will become deity's in a terrifying mad max style wasteland

I hope not! My house backs onto theirs. Not that I ever see them. Only bloke I ever see from the back window these days is the one with the statement conservatory which looks like a pop-up Apple store. Always out in the morning in his dressing gown he is: ruminating at the sky, coffee mug pressed to his chest, brow wrinkled in operatic thought, all seething and cinematic like he's Tony Soprano. "Like he's Tony Bloody Soprano!" I nearly shouted yesterday, cowardly prying from behind my net curtain, half mad with solitude.

Maybe the Mad Max thing wouldn't be such a bad idea. Can't take much more of this.

[Brundle-Fly]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_S4eGrczdQ

[Kryton]

The next thing will be worse, make this look like a holiday.  Remember Brexit.  Austerity?  That thing with the banks?  Iraq?

That's what I'm thinking. An extension of the lockdown, food shortages, job losses, economic pain - possible riots?

[machotrouts]

First birth of a human-dog hybrid recorded in Wigan.

1990 mate

Me that was

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

At least one stupid asshole will post a picture of themselves lazing around in their back yard/looking at PornHub/with their feet up watching telly with #WorkingFromHome. A huge shower of wankers will do likewise and then wonder why they've been fired.

An alarming number of people will get away with defrauding insurance companies because they won't be able to go snowboarding with their friends and post the pictures on Facebook, exposing their diagnosis of whiplash and paralysis for the shameless lie it is.

[gib]

There'll be a wave of unsolved crimes cause everyone's now au fait with masking up, gloving up and disinfecting their touch-trails.

This is the most likely one so far, in my opinion as thread judge.