Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories

[DrGreggles]

[shoulders]

Excellent

[convulsivespace]

https://twitter.com/EveSimmns/status/1543263481679360000

Oh and there's also a doubling of something odd called 'scromiting'. That's screaming and vomiting which lasts for weeks on end, with no treatment. A result of long term use of high potency cannabis.

[Inspector Norse]

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/aug/16/human-remains-reportedly-found-in-suitcases-bought-at-new-zealand-auction

A neighbour told Newshub: "... And whoever did do it, come on, front up. It's a bit unfair, bro."

[DJ Bob Hoskins]

^ The subheadline makes it.

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-66052679

[Ron Maels Moustache]

[Glebe]

Christopher Nolan Blew His Daughter's Face Off (In Oppenheimer).

[Glebe]

Aliens could be spiders the size of elephants.

I mean I'm sure it's entirely possible but it sure sound's funny!

[Fambo Number Mive]

They could be elephants the size of spiders, that would be interesting.

[Glebe]

Or elephant/spider combinations. Wouldn't fancy seeing a massive tarantula with a trunk coming over the horizon! (Did I really say that?!)

[Glebe]

25 Cutest Pixie Shags Women Over 60 Are Rockin' in 2023.

Sorry?!?

[Glebe]

Only Fools' legend Sir David Jason had 'bionic' eyes fitted to stop him weeping.

YES.

[thr0b]

[Glebe]

Looks like the dreaded 'Shriek of Araby' will have to cancel his Crackerjack appearance after this!

[Glebe]

Man pulled over for driving with huge bull called Howdy Doody in passenger seat.

This actually deserves thread.

[EDIT]And just like that...

[Glebe]

'Aliens took my sperm in sexual experiments – now I wonder if I have kids in space'.

[NoSleep]

That last is more of a typical Daily Star headline to be fair.

[Glebe]

That last is more of a typical Daily Star headline to be fair.

Aye, fair enough, but 'now I wonder if I have kids in space' is amusingly ludicrous.

[jenna appleseed]

[Muppets announcer voice]KIDS IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE[/Muppets announcer voice]

[Ambient Sheep]

Just seen on Bluesky, although it's a four-year-old story:



The poster had added:

Today in "linguists are not kidding when they say that language enables you to understand sentences that have never been said before in the entirety of human history"

[Glebe]

Lovely stuff.

[Cold Meat Platter]

[Ferris]