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March 28, 2024, 01:20:49 PM

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LEGEND GARY PART TWO

Started by Fambo Number Mive, August 28, 2019, 08:17:01 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Glebe

Quote from: Blue Jam on June 05, 2022, 10:48:37 PMLedge does support immigrants, but only if they're blonde and from Sweden.

"And female one would assume Gary."

"Goes without saying Daz."

There is a pause.

"You being sarcastic mate?"

Glebe

Quote from: Blue Jam on June 05, 2022, 10:47:04 PMLegend Gary once almost twatted a swan before remembering they all belong to the Queen.

"They can break a man's arm Daz. Gotta respect 'em."

"What nonsense, Gary!"

There's a tap on the letterbox. Daz peers out through the curtains and is overcome with terror.


Fambo Number Mive

Gary and Daz take part in No Wee Wednesday.

Paul Calf

Legend McGary gets the wrong idea and goes out punching children and people shorter than 150cm and telling them to 'GET INDOORS'.

Fambo Number Mive

"No Legend McGary" shouts a cross legged Daz. "Come back here and help distract me from wanting to go to the toilet."

Only six more hours Daz! Hold that urine in!

Glebe

Gary harbours a secret fondness for The Good Life. But it must remain secret or the lads will mock him for the rest of his natural life.

Blue Jam

Legend McGary goes commando like a true Scotsman.

No kilt though, that's just gay.

Blue Jam

Legend Gary and Pubes Daz buy a 1996 Nissan Micra and enter the Mongol Rally. Team G. Khan Is Bent end up sacking it off when they get to Munich and see their first beer hall.

Paul Calf

"This was Hitler's boozer, Daz."


"Shit, Gary...not here."

shoulders

Legend Gary tries to buy someone a drink for being gay, but the person's protests that this isn't necessary result in Gary feeling wounded and eventually attacking Owen Jones in the street.

Glebe

Gary rings the Met Office and tells them to turn the temperature up.

"Now that covid's gone we deserve a proper summer Daz it's a fucking disgrace."

Glebe

Gary makes his own scrumpy by smashing a load of apples into a tub of Stella.

Fambo Number Mive

Gary rocks up to his local Dungeons and Dragons group and asks to play as Andy McNab. He's got a little painted figure and everything.

Glebe

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on June 12, 2022, 11:23:24 AMGary rocks up to his local Dungeons and Dragons group and asks to play as Andy McNab. He's got a little painted figure and everything.

"Glad this isn't LARP, he'd be done up as McNab an' all!" quips D&D Duncan. Thankfully Gary doesn't hear him, otherwise it'd be a spell in intensive care for the massively-obese, bearded, bespectacled 54 year-old.

Glebe

Quote from: shoulders on May 23, 2022, 03:52:38 PMLegend Gary 'once sparked an emu clean out', apparently.

Took a pop at an ostrich but it managed to get away!


shoulders

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on June 12, 2022, 11:23:24 AMGary rocks up to his local Dungeons and Dragons group and asks to play as Andy McNab. He's got a little painted figure and everything.

I really like this idea.

Glebe

"I'd like to introduce you to my new friends Daz; Angel Dust Pete, Fish Smells Mick, SAS Mike and Twat from the Avenue."

Paul Calf

Daz looks crushed.

B..b..but Gary I thought...

He turns to hide the hurt.

Glebe

Quote from: Paul Calf on June 14, 2022, 10:09:40 AMDaz looks crushed.

B..b..but Gary I thought...

He turns to hide the hurt.

Twat from the Avenue smirks delightedly.

Glebe

Gary gets Daz a subscription to The Oldie for his 39th birthday.

"Uh... cheers Gary."

"No prob Daz! You're over the hill now but at least you can enjoy reading about twee bullshit! Wish I could read actually! Although I'd feel like a right nerd! C'mere old man, it's time for a bashin'!"

Glebe

"I see Ireland is part of 'Europe' now Daz! That's very convenient!"

"Yes Gary the Micks are messing up Brexit on us."

There is a long pause as Gary tries to figure out if Daz is being sarcastic again.

Paul Calf

Gary devolves into a catatonic state as the multiple layers of irony crash catastrophically into his frankly inadequate rostral prefrontal cortex.


Glebe


jobotic

I laughed a lot at that. Legend. For the room.

Fambo Number Mive

Twat from the Avenue makes Gary look like Mr Rodgers. Gary asks SAS Mike to "have a word"

Paul Calf

SAS Mike and TFTA end up in the pub over a few beers:

"Silly cunt can't fight his own battles, thinks I was in the SAS! Fill yer boots, mate"

Glebe

Angel Dust Pete ends up getting into a scrap with Larval Trauma Flashbacks.

"Gotta stop accumulating oddly-named hangers-on, Daz" sighs Gary. "They can't all get on!"

Fambo Number Mive

"All those railway staff going on strike Daz, those train drivers are paid a lot more than nurses Daz"

"Are those the nurses you've accused of spending all day doing TikTok dances during lockdown Gary? And it's not just train drivers who work on the railways."

"Fuck sake Daz, give your logic a rest. Why can't you be more like SAS Mike and Twat from the Avenue? If it wasn't for these Marxist woke strikers, I'd be in Colchester with them arm wrestling squaddies and hearing their orgy stories".

Paul Calf

"Are the strikers agitating for a dictatorship of the proletariat where workers democratically control the means of production, Gary?"