Professional Masterchef The Professionals

[touchingcloth]

Rock, paper, knife.

[Milo]

They always say on this that it's okay for pork to be a bit pink now, I don't know if that's official advice though.

On one of these shows there's been a mention of some posh Spanish pork that's fine a bit pink, wonder if that extends to other low-intensity farming methods.

Just remembered the name, Iberico.

[touchingcloth]

On one of these shows there's been a mention of some posh Spanish pork that's fine a bit pink, wonder if that extends to other low-intensity farming methods.

Just remembered the name, Iberico.

I suspect it probably does. Iberico is one of those protected-designation types of food which isn't strictly organic or free-range, but may as well be because it involves the pigs being free to roam around eating acorns. I'd happily cook free-range or organic pork on the rare side.

[beanheadmcginty]

Mate of mine once accidentally ordered chicken sashimi when they were in Japan. So presumably even that's OK to eat if it's prepared correctly.

[Des Wigwam]

On one of these shows there's been a mention of some posh Spanish pork that's fine a bit pink, wonder if that extends to other low-intensity farming methods.

Just remembered the name, Iberico.

I thought you could gobble down raw pork these days because it's jam packed full of delicious antibiotics whereas in the past low-intensity farming meant that because pigs were for some reason susceptible to tapeworm stuff had to be cooked to shoe-leather texture to kill the eggs*.

If I'm right @touchingcloth - you're playing a dangerous game of Portuguese Roulette. Or keen to take advantage of the slimming properties of tapeworms.

* _{also think that this requirement was misunderstood and pink is fine - just not raw.}

[touchingcloth]

As I once heard the Belgian maître d' say when the chef said "what are you doing eating beef straight from the mincer?! You'll get worms!"

"So what if I get worms, I like ze way zey wiggle."

[Milo]

I thought you could gobble down raw pork these days because it's jam packed full of delicious antibiotics whereas in the past low-intensity farming meant that because pigs were for some reason susceptible to tapeworm stuff had to be cooked to shoe-leather texture to kill the eggs

The lifecycle of tapeworms relies on the pigs chowing down on human shit that contains tapeworm eggs. The eggs hatch in the pigs and create cysts in the pig muscles/meat that contain nascent tapeworms to grow in the human gut that then discharge eggs into the human's shit.

It's the circle of life.

Modern pigs don't get much of an opportunity to eat human shit. Historical low intensity farmed pigs did.

[touchingcloth]

Brings a whole new meaning to "sloppy seconds".

[Des Wigwam]

The lifecycle of tapeworms relies on the pigs chowing down on human shit that contains tapeworm eggs. The eggs hatch in the pigs and create cysts in the pig muscles/meat that contain nascent tapeworms to grow in the human gut that then discharge eggs into the human's shit.

It's the circle of life.

Modern pigs don't get much of an opportunity to eat human shit. Historical low intensity farmed pigs did.

Ah yes. That's it - now stop it, you're making me hungry!

[Milo]

These TAPEWORMS are making me HUNGRY!!

[touchingcloth]

Worm (tape) yacht club.

[Icehaven]

'I thought I had seventeen minutes, instead of seventy.'

Incredible.

Yeah that was weird, did he really think that? The way it was edited it made it look like he'd finished in 35 minutes so at what point around the 17 minute mark when everyone else was still working away and no 5 minute warning had been given did he realise and carry on with apparently no idea how long they had?

[Capt.Midnight]

The trend this year appears to be making tiny, minimal roast dinners.

[Gurke and Hare]

Yeah that was weird, did he really think that? The way it was edited it made it look like he'd finished in 35 minutes so at what point around the 17 minute mark when everyone else was still working away and no 5 minute warning had been given did he realise and carry on with apparently no idea how long they had?

I'm sure I've seen a camera angle before where you could see a big countdown clock on the wall anyway.

[touchingcloth]

Thought they were going to send three home tonight. Just dreadful.

[Gurke and Hare]

Thought they were going to send three home tonight. Just dreadful.

The woman who "just" went through was fine I thought. Both her courses were good, just Marcus said the dessert was a bit simple. The other two both had undercooked main courses, there were never really any doubt about who was going.

[touchingcloth]

The woman who "just" went through was fine I thought. Both her courses were good, just Marcus said the dessert was a bit simple. The other two both had undercooked main courses, there were never really any doubt about who was going.

Shocker of a skills test, though.

With her dessert including strawberries, I kept hoping that Egg had a sudden sarcastic turn and started digging his fingers through the cream going "I'm just checking...need to see if...yeah...no...SIMON, OI, SIMON...SEE THIS STRAWBERRY, MATRE, THERE ARE NO RAW SCALLOPS IN WITH IT...WHAT'S ALL THAT ABOUT?"

Much as I dislike Egg, an unashamed heel turn like that would redeem him to me.

[Icehaven]

Egg is right, croquettes are made with potatoes and croquetas are made with bechamel, so why did Monica insist on calling them croquettes? Unprofessional. Not as unprofessional as putting raw squid in them though.

[touchingcloth]

I particularly liked how that guy voiced his thought process.

"If I don't cook them first, they'll still be raw when I take them out of the fryer. Therefore, I should not cook them first."

I was gunning for that guy all the same given he talked early on about his Portuguese heritage and so I was expecting his signature round to be heavily Portuguese. I haven't seen too many menus around here featuring strawberries with raw scallops, but then I've only lived here for five years.

[Icehaven]

Seems to be an unusually high number of poshos who have become private chefs for zillionaires after "doing a skiing season" this year. It's weird because they seem far too posh to be the hired help, are they considered a cut above the other staff?

[beanheadmcginty]

Not impressed with Marcus's pronunciation of "consommé".

[touchingcloth]

Seems to be an unusually high number of poshos who have become private chefs for zillionaires after "doing a skiing season" this year. It's weird because they seem far too posh to be the hired help, are they considered a cut above the other staff?

I've noticed this. I guess a plummy accent can signify that your parents had enough money to send you to fancy school, but not enough to keep you living in the lap of luxury in perpetuity.

My partner is doing some freelance work work for a mate of hers who works as a PA to the sorts of families who can afford private chefs at the moment, and it sounds all kinds of awful. Awful for the chefs who have to deal with and presumably suck up to these rich pricks every day and because it's so precarious (half the work the PA is doing seems to be responding to "new chef is awful, find 'nother" messages that come three days into the latest one's "trial" period, and awful for the rich pricks themselves because it just seems more hassle than it's worth to have so much money that you need to spunk it on battalions of staff who you then end up having to share your house with. Must be weird watching Professional Masterchef the Professionals over dinner with the professional chef who prepared it stood behind you in your fancy open plan kitchen preparing raw meringue for dessert.

I wonder if the pandemic caused the unusual number of them this year, through a combination of rich cunts still wanting rich cunt grub when all of the restaurants in Mayfair were shut, and through newly-qualified chefs not having any other options for their first gig or experienced ones trying it out while their restaurants were closed.

[touchingcloth]

Did anyone notice that apart from the ginger guy whose parents were chefs, in the latest episode neither Monica nor Marcus were able to be their usual mostly encouraging selves when they came out from the back room after watching the skills tests? They were some of the worst skills tests I've seen in a while, and I've noticed that this show (especially in the past few series) tends to give very favourable edits to contestants - especially in the very first round - and doesn't go in for the X Factor thing of actively trying to make them look like hilarious incompetents. The skills on show must have been pretty bad for even the favourable editing to make them look a bit shit.

[Emotional Support Peacock]

I felt genuine concern for the wellbeing of the Taiwanese girl seemed to be on there with the sole hope of making her parents proud, but seemed way out of her depth and got nothing but negative comments.

[Icehaven]

I've noticed this. I guess a plummy accent can signify that your parents had enough money to send you to fancy school, but not enough to keep you living in the lap of luxury in perpetuity.

My partner is doing some freelance work work for a mate of hers who works as a PA to the sorts of families who can afford private chefs at the moment, and it sounds all kinds of awful. Awful for the chefs who have to deal with and presumably suck up to these rich pricks every day and because it's so precarious (half the work the PA is doing seems to be responding to "new chef is awful, find 'nother" messages that come three days into the latest one's "trial" period, and awful for the rich pricks themselves because it just seems more hassle than it's worth to have so much money that you need to spunk it on battalions of staff who you then end up having to share your house with. Must be weird watching Professional Masterchef the Professionals over dinner with the professional chef who prepared it stood behind you in your fancy open plan kitchen preparing raw meringue for dessert.

I wonder if the pandemic caused the unusual number of them this year, through a combination of rich cunts still wanting rich cunt grub when all of the restaurants in Mayfair were shut, and through newly-qualified chefs not having any other options for their first gig or experienced ones trying it out while their restaurants were closed.

That seems possible, particularly as a lot of restaurants never reopened and its harder than ever for new ones to open now. Still seems an odd career path; private school-ski seasons-cruise ships-disposable domestic skivvy. Does it generally pay well? A quick google said the average is £55,000 a year but another result says £30,000 and another £22 an hour so it seems to vary wildly.

[Gurke and Hare]

Is there a name for the thing where they synchronise the music with a knife chopping through a potato?

[Emotional Support Peacock]

Is there a name for the thing where they synchronise the music with a knife chopping through a potato?

I love it, always makes me laugh.

[Icehaven]

I think Ayesha was the most surprised to be eliminated I've ever seen. She didn't even pre empt any of the faults the critics and chefs found, slight case of overconfidence I think.

[touchingcloth]

A shame, because her food was the stuff I most wanted to eat of the four in that round, but she gave herself too much to do, tried zhuzhing up her presentation when she's not used to that side of things, and made it look like hot, sumacy garbage.

[Icehaven]

She got such rave reviews for everything up to that point I think she thought she couldn't go wrong, and it's unusual for all the judges and critics to pick out the same mistakes yet the contestant to seemingly have no idea they've made any. They usually have at least some awareness that they've screwed something up so I wonder if it was just an unusual flavour/texture combo or something that worked for her but not for all of them for some reason.