The wankest film idea ever conceived? Danny Boyle's Ed Sheeran Beatles thing

[idunnosomename]

i would suck off literally every man in the world before ed sheeran

[machotrouts]

I also like to save the best till last

[Replies From View]

i would suck off literally every man in the world before ed sheeran

That would take ages I suspect

[Replies From View]

3.5 billion men, let's say they're stood in a line for ease and their trousers and underwear are already subtracted.


Actually just on a maths note how long would 3.5 billion seconds be.  Probably something like 100 years.  You'd have your work cut out, to be sure.

[Replies From View]

You're basically saying you hope you die before dessert which is bang out of order

[idunnosomename]

I am basically saying I just wouldn't get round to him ever

[Replies From View]

I am basically saying I just wouldn't get round to him ever

This is incredibly ungracious.  If he asks first you should do him first.  That's the gentleman's agreement we all sign up for when our voices break for the first time.

[Jerzy Bondov]

If you look like Ed Sheeran, but also would suck Ed Sheeran off, you should just do a self suck. This would save you a great deal of travel expenses as Ed is an international superstar and can be hard to pin down. I hope this helps.

There should be a film where only one man remembers how to do a self suck

[JamesTC]

I estimate that it would take around 130,000 years to suck ever man on the planet off.

The great sadness would come when you reach the end and you realise the only man you couldn't suck off is yourself.

[machotrouts]

Used to be able to suck myself off but then I got fat. Hoping to lose weight by sucking off every man in the world.

[JamesTC]

I guess you could cut the time to such off every man in the world in half if you decide to suck two at once. Then it would only take 65,000 years.

Sucking off three men at once seems unrealistic.

[Icehaven]

But new men keep being born all time, so every day there'd be another batch turning whatever age is deemed acceptable (I'd go with 18 to be on the safe side). It'd be like sucking the Forth bridge.

[JamesTC]

I'm starting to think that sucking off every man on the planet might not be possible.

[SteveDave]

I'm starting to think that sucking off every man on the planet might not be possible.

Not with that attitude

[olliebean]

I bet Jesus could do it.

[JamesTC]

In 1ad there were approximately 150 million men. Even taking two at once, he is still taking 2000 years at least.

No wonder they nailed him to a tree.

[idunnosomename]

you're expecting Him to suck off every man in the world when He's just a baby? bit unreasonable

[JamesTC]

Mary was like 12 when she had him. They were a bit more noncey back then.

[idunnosomename]

Since a priest in their ministry is acting in the person of Christ, they truly are doing God's work

[gilbertharding]

But new men keep being born all time, so every day there'd be another batch turning whatever age is deemed acceptable (I'd go with 18 to be on the safe side). It'd be like sucking the Forth bridge.

True, but they are also dying, admittedly at a slightly slower rate.

[rack and peanut]

I bet Jesus could do it.

I bet Father Christmas could do it in one night.

[JamesTC]

Hope Father Christmas gets me what I want this Christmas.

By which I mean I hope Father Christmas sucks me off.

[notjosh]

But new men keep being born all time, so every day there'd be another batch turning whatever age is deemed acceptable (I'd go with 18 to be on the safe side). It'd be like sucking the Forth bridge.

That's the trick though - just concentrate on the 18-year-olds. If you can keep up with the birth rate for the next 60-70 years then eventually you'll have covered everyone alive. You might miss the odd 120-year-old in Japan that way but you can surely squeeze them in somewhere on your route.

Best to start young if this is your plan though, and the problem is that most people don't really figure out what they want to do in life until they're in their thirties.

[kalowski]

Surely he can also miss out those blokes with erectile disfunction (mainly older men, prostate cancer sufferers and CaB members) and so get through things a little faster?

[jobotic]

What if I don't want to be sucked off?

Not saying I don't want to be sucked off, but what if I didn't want to be sucked off? What then? If I didn't. If.

[JamesTC]

The percentage of men who don't want to be sucked off is so infinitesimally small so as to be a statistical irrelevance.

[Goldentony]

cunts trick not having Carniva Of Light on this

[jobotic]

The percentage of men who don't want to be sucked off is so infinitesimally small so as to be a statistical irrelevance.

I don't want to be irrelevant.

Okay he can suck me off but I don't have time to wait in a line for a hundred years so he'll have to do it as I go about my business.

Maybe while I'm on the fruit machine.

[JamesTC]

I imagine that once the vaccines are done, they can repurpose the infrastructure for men getting sucked off.

Download the NHS App to register that you have been sucked off.

[steve98]

Some people's math here is way off.

Assuming the sucker worked a 12 hour shift, 7 days a week and each suckee took 1 minute to cum, it would take approx 3.3 thousand years to suck-off all 3.5 billion men (I'm classifying all males, regardless of age, as men.)

For anyone who doubts my figures, I would refer them to my contribution to an earlier thread, where I successfully worked out how long it would take a wanker to fill an Olympic-sized swimming pool with cum. (About 200 million years)