How many people do you find interesting?

[gazzyk1ns]

I have quite a few very good, close friends, but I don't really think I ever find myself "interested" by anyone these days. I love spending time with my friends but that's because we know each other so well, and have massive trust and respect for each other. But I don't think I've ever found myself genuinely "interested" in anything they've said or done for a long time now.

With people who aren't close friends it's even more black and white, I'll enjoy the company in the pub (or most places, actually...) but the conversation will probably revolve around women, something in the news/media, jokes, or sport. When you talk about things like that it's because you're interested in the subject, and not the person.

With strangers... well, I get a lot of satisfaction from being polite and respectful towards them unless I know them to be an idiot/arsehole, because that's how I expect strangers to treat me... but that's it really, I will probably try to avoid lengthy conversation and sometimes even any conversation at all. Sometimes I justify this to myself by thinking "Well they probably don't want a chat either, it's awkward..." but recently I'm more inclined to believe that's not true at all, I don't want to sound "superior" in the slightest but I know that a lot of people my age haven't maintained friendships they've made in high school, sixth form, or uni... and as a result find themselves having achieved [whatever] at those places, but in the position of being back to square one on the friendship front.

But I digress. This whole "finding people interesting" train of thought was sparked a couple of weeks ago when a mate saw a girl he knew from sixth form and her mates in a club, and went to chat to her. he was the only person I was "with" in the place at that point, so I followed.... and so found myself standing gormlessly, facing three other girls in a similar position. They looked like they wanted to talk to me, and I had no alternative, so a conversation was started. Now, although all three of them were good-looking and intelligent... it became apparent to me after less than a minute of conversation that I wasn't the slightest bit "interested" in any of them. I was talking to avoid embarrassment, looking anti-social, and being at a loose end. Sure, there was the prospect of maybe starting something with one of them or laying some "groundwork" with all of them for the future... but it was early in the night, I was anticipating a good one with lots of friends. I really couldn't be bothered with them.

All the "proper" relationships I've had have started from me knowing the girl for at least a few weeks, in a sober atmosphere. I figured out recently that's because I don't really "chat women up" when I'm out, like I should do. Up until now I thought I did, but I suddenly realised that I do the "token gesture" thing, as above, for as long as is necessary before falling back into having a good time with people I know very well. It's apparent to me, so it must be very apparent to the girl in question.

Now, as far as relationships with women are concerned, I don't really care too much. But with regards to making new friends? I'm not sure, I'm confident that I have enough friends but sometimes I can't help thinking "you can never have too many friends...". Other times I'm content, I certainly think it is possible to "spread yourself too thinly" and not have as many "real" close friends as you should. I certainly wouldn't want to do that.

So come on then, there's a lot of food for thought there, whaddaya all reckon?

As I mentioned I went off into a couple of slight tangents up there, the question I would like you to answer first and foremost is in the title of the thread... am I being miserable and a bit anti-social for not finding anyone genuinely interesting? Are you the same?

[Garfield And Friends]

I've experienced that similarly. But I think a factor is the fact that I see my friends irregularly, some every week, some every few months, and at the extreme end, some every year or so. Given the limited nature of available time with my friends, the last thing we discuss in any great detail are politics, or the specifics of one of our hobbies etc.

We talk about which women we fancy, joke about, drink, play football, play poker, talk about sport on the telly. The only people these days that I have indepth conversations with are my brother, my housemate, and various strangers on interweb forums like this.

[phes]

I know EXACTLY how you feel, so there really is very little to say. I often feel terrible and wonder If I am just turning into an ignorant fuck. Recently i have found myself attracted to very unstable people. I find that sort of unpredictability is often a good substitute for being interesting in a more conventional way. Loonies who also have a passion ( Stalking aside ) are even better.

[9]

depends what you mean by interesting i suppose. i would say of the top of my head i can only think of two people. one is a female aquaintance, another is a mate. Is it bad to admit that the people i find interesting are usually quite like myself?!

anyway i totally empathise with your post. i too enjoy the company of many different people but there really aren't many fascinating ones at all.

[Peking O]

I've lived in a few different countries and travelled a lot, and generally I've found that English people are the hardest to find initially interesting because of their natural reserve and guardedness. I know that's a bit of a cliche, but there's a lot of truth in it. If you approach an English person that you don't know in a bar or a club or whatever, I think their natural instinct is to be on their guard and not let too much information about themselves out. Hence the conversation does tend to err on the mind numbingly dull side. I've met people in Spain, for example, and over the space of a few days I've found out stuff about them that it would take the average English person about 10 years to reveal. This post probably won't be too popular (are any of mine ever?!), but this is just my experience of things.

[Bogey]

You do think up some good threads, Gazzyk1ns.

I certainly know what you mean about making the effort to get to know new people when you know you could be having a much more relaxing, easy and fulfilling time with  your friends of yore, I'm just the same.

About finding people interesting... one of my best friends is something of a walking encyclopedia, another is of quite an artistic/literary bent, so conversations with either will often be very interesting indeed.
Another set of friends, ones with whom I go on holiday from time to time, are more of the sort to push me in the river, talk a great deal of bollocks, and generally arse around like idiots. A lot of fun, but not what you'd call interesting. Discussing the state of the world with this lot seems a bit silly (not that they're thick or anything, it's just not what we "do"), as does twatting about with the former "type". But that's the "friend for every occasion" thing, which is another topic for another time I suppose.

So I'd say yes, I do find some of my friends interesting in that they're people whose thoughts on and knowledge of various subjects I value greatly. Because I can never make up my mind about things and need to be told what to think all the time.

Ok, someone else have a go.

[phes]

Your right. Walking home from a club last night we got chatting to Spaniard, he looked scared.

[phes]

I've lived in a few different countries and travelled a lot, and generally I've found that English people are the hardest to find initially interesting because of their natural reserve and guardedness. I know that's a bit of a cliche, but there's a lot of truth in it. If you approach an English person that you don't know in a bar or a club or whatever, I think their natural instinct is to be on their guard and not let too much information about themselves out. Hence the conversation does tend to err on the mind numbingly dull side. I've met people in Spain, for example, and over the space of a few days I've found out stuff about them that it would take the average English person about 10 years to reveal. This post probably won't be too popular (are any of mine ever?!), but this is just my experience of things.

Your right. Walking home from a club last night we got chatting to a Spaniard, he looked scared.

[Bogey]

English people are the hardest to find initially interesting because of their natural reserve and guardedness.

Absolutely, I'm exactly like that myself, and it's a really annoying trait.
I have to know someone pretty well before I can have anything resembling an honest, in depth conversation.
Ironically, if the person in question appears to be impressively intelligent/articulate/well informed, I'm likely to be even more guarded.
Hmph.

[untitled_london]

natural reserve and guardedness

*ahem* polite way of saying indifference/ intolerance until they have found you to be acceptabale material to talk to.

normally, i get the silent treatment up unitl the point i drop a copule of i'm 'way more versed that you expect' entries into the conversation.

once i'v done that, i normally find most ppl gagging & drooling to find out a bit more, by then of course, i'm pissed off and have made my mind up to ignore the fool for -ever-more.

occasionally, i meet the classic reserve, but, these are normally the giossipy types who manage to hold back the drool, but the game is normally up when upon a second meeting you find their friends practiacally offering  blowjobs to get to know you, at which point you suss that x has told y that you are indeed the shit, and therfore x was obviously impressed but held up the reserve facade.

yes - i meet a shed load of intersting ppl, bugger is they all look just like a 20" Dell trinitron screen.

web cams are for kiddies & chat-wankers .

[Capuchin]

English people are socially backward.

I've found this too. f'rinstance a Kiwi and Aussie at work were talking about abortions they had when they were younger and how they felt about it when I walked in. And when I walked in they carried on, which I don't think I can imagine happening with anyone English.

Maybe that's a bizarre example....

[butnut]

All the "proper" relationships I've had have started from me knowing the girl for at least a few weeks, in a sober atmosphere. I figured out recently that's because I don't really "chat women up" when I'm out, like I should do. Up until now I thought I did, but I suddenly realised that I do the "token gesture" thing, as above, for as long as is necessary before falling back into having a good time with people I know very well. It's apparent to me, so it must be very apparent to the girl in question.

We're brothers.

<WARNING - THE FOLLOWING IS A THREAD HI-JACK.>

I've had 2 serious relationships in my time, and they've both been with girls/women (one was 15 when I started seeing her, but so was I, so it's ok) who I've known really well. I make no effort at all at all this chatting up shit. I'm happy to be single for longer, and wait for an acceptable girl to come along. (Do I really mean that? I don't know) And the shortest of the 2 releationships I've had has been 3 1/2 years. But the thing is, in both cases, the females have come after me. Even though we've both known there's a clear attraction there, I am unable to make a move. I think I'm terrified of being seen as too 'forward' or too 'keen'.

I've never chatted up a girl in a club, I can't dance, and after a break up last year, all of my sexual confidence has been shattered. My friends tell me I should go out and shag a load of girls, to get both these long term things out of my system. But that's not the way I work. I've never had a one night stand of any kind. In fact, the very idea of intercourse at the moment repulses me.

Shit. I did have a point to make, but now I've gone into confession mood. Sorry. I suppose I feel that there's an expectation on me, at parties or in pubs and things, to go and hunt down ladies. I mentioned this in a 'girls and me' thread a few months ago. OK, I'm not J. Depp, but at the same time, I know I'm not unattractive. There have been occasions when I know that women have been interested in me, but I've basically run away from them. And then I wonder why they're with some other guy later on.

Sorry for all this. Please ignore it, and get back to your lives.

[It Was Cancer]

I often forget that it isn't just girls who get terribly insecure and want to hide away sometimes.  I reckon, at least at some point, a lot of girls (myself included) just reckon men fall out of bed and go out into the world, never worrying how they look.

[elderford]

I have one friend I find interesting.

By interesting I mean that he continues to be interested in new things as do I. We bounce off of each other with our lastest bit of knowledge.

Last week at work he came in and we began a conversation that moved from recording techniques, to particle physics, to ecclesistical architecture all in the space of five minutes. My colleague said after he left that she had no idea what we were talking about.

There is a student here who told my girlfriend that she uses me as a gauge as to whether or not others are interesting. She does this by seeing if they can keep up with me in conversation.

As far as I am concerned I am just rambling on about stuff. I do not consider myself to be particularly clever, just interest in things.

I yearn for the days when I first began to work here, as there were at least four polymaths, and as I became interested in a subject I could mention it to them and they would have a knowledge of the subject. They have since left, and have been replaced with younger members of staff who wear baseball caps whilst teaching.

It is worth considering that my one friend who is interesting is also prepared to take the most vicious piss out of me, as I do to him. We swear at each other constantly as we discuss the finer points of comparitive religion.

My other friends are in varying degrees of what I term 'pub friend', there's one who is into comics and movies, another who likes to talk about herself, another I share close musical tastes with, etc. Some are welcome into my house, others do not know where I live or know me by my surname.

Disappointingly , at 35, I have found that friends usually let you down in one way or another, as no doubt I do to them. I no longer expect them to do what they tell me they will: meet you this time at this place, I'll pay you that money back on Thursday, etc.

Excepting for my one interesting friend, I have found that I generally lower my expectations when I meet people. I let them talk about what they want, gauge the level of conversational parciptation expected of me, and then pass the time enjoying myself  rather than yearning for it to be more interesting.

Friends' girlfriends are a case in point. I have lost count of the number of them who I find ugly on the inside and have to bear through a sense of loyalty or wish for a quiet life. I have endured many dull evenings with them.

[hencole]

I've lived in a few different countries and travelled a lot, and generally I've found that English people are the hardest to find initially interesting because of their natural reserve and guardedness. I know that's a bit of a cliche, but there's a lot of truth in it. If you approach an English person that you don't know in a bar or a club or whatever, I think their natural instinct is to be on their guard and not let too much information about themselves out. Hence the conversation does tend to err on the mind numbingly dull side. I've met people in Spain, for example, and over the space of a few days I've found out stuff about them that it would take the average English person about 10 years to reveal. This post probably won't be too popular (are any of mine ever?!), but this is just my experience of things.

Toatally agree. If I meet a jolly foriegner on a night out guaranteed I find them more interesting and outgoing than most english people I know. The interesting part is probably because of their different culture and theres always sometthing new to learn. They in them selves are interesting rather than one they talk about and thats the difference. People who are as far removed as oneselves are always going to interesting in terms of their alien nature. You may not like them, but at least they are different.

[Des Nilsen]

<WARNING - THE FOLLOWING IS A THREAD HI-JACK.>

I've had 2 serious relationships in my time, and they've both been with girls/women (one was 15 when I started seeing her, but so was I, so it's ok) who I've known really well. I make no effort at all at all this chatting up shit. I'm happy to be single for longer, and wait for an acceptable girl to come along. (Do I really mean that? I don't know) And the shortest of the 2 releationships I've had has been 3 1/2 years. But the thing is, in both cases, the females have come after me. Even though we've both known there's a clear attraction there, I am unable to make a move. I think I'm terrified of being seen as too 'forward' or too 'keen'.

I've never chatted up a girl in a club, I can't dance, and after a break up last year, all of my sexual confidence has been shattered. My friends tell me I should go out and shag a load of girls, to get both these long term things out of my system. But that's not the way I work. I've never had a one night stand of any kind. In fact, the very idea of intercourse at the moment repulses me.

Shit. I did have a point to make, but now I've gone into confession mood. Sorry. I suppose I feel that there's an expectation on me, at parties or in pubs and things, to go and hunt down ladies. I mentioned this in a 'girls and me' thread a few months ago. OK, I'm not J. Depp, but at the same time, I know I'm not unattractive. There have been occasions when I know that women have been interested in me, but I've basically run away from them. And then I wonder why they're with some other guy later on.

Butnut, that makes absolute sense to me, or rather it's the way I feel about relationships of any kind too.
I cannot take that whole 'you're young - sleep around' attitude seriously because more than anything casual sex depresses me. It emphasises loneliness I think. I've also had two relationships I'd take pretty seriously (though there's one other I used to count but don't now).
I haven't enjoyed much casual sex and I don't think I will (unless I get on some seriously strong happy pills).
I also hate the expectation that I ought to enjoy myself like other people do. I don't dance either and it doesn't *ever* mean I'm not enjoying myself. I'm more than a little shocked at the gulf between one personality type and another, or some people's insistence that you act like they do. It familiarily isn't it? what we find interesting...

(oh, and there's nothing wrong with a slightly rambling personal post here - I've done it time and again. Actually I'm happy to see others doing it, I think it removes the guilt for what I used to consider a total thread-killer, which it needn't be).

<BACK ON TOPIC PEEPS!>

-

[butnut]

Thanks Des.  Long live the rambling-confessional-post!

[wasp_f15ting]

I might be an arrogant cunt, but I rarely make new friends if they do not interest me, if I do then it is a waste of mine and their time. I have made a few friends at uni who I consider to be interesting. From my past I have 2 maybe 3 good friends who I converse chill out with, but I prefer their company than their stimulation on a mental level etc.

I do however feel that I am reaching a point with friends (new) I am playing hide and seek with knowledge, i.e. making them make a comment, and then following it up with what I knew already to get an un-tarnished view, by saying "ahh yeh that film/ that band" by giving someone a bit of breathing room to speak I hope I don't come across as all knowing, yet knowing and connecting. But there is a limit to EVERYTHING... when you spend a lot of time with good people you exhaust all the variants you ever can talk about, and you talking about benign shit I.e. Seinfeld...

With my mates now, and when I go out with them I often asses what gain I will get from dancing around like a loon and groping sacs of fat. It gives me no satisfaction and does not make me feel better. I pay to get myself poisoned and then urinate it all away seems kind of pointless. Meeting new people at these places often leads to acquaintances who at the end just want affirmation of their way of life by comparing themselves to you and what you like.. waste of time. I feel stagnated and uninterested by many people. The area of discourse between students here is SO limited it is amazing. Partly one of the reasons I am packing my bags this weekend :p hopefully in India I can get some more interesting conversations out of people. I was good to talk to old people down there. They seem to reflect many philosophical rationale without ever having touched a book.. I want to hear things this way, and travel around the big bastard country and hopefully gain some insight :p

[hotvans]

Elderford sums this up in his thread - the mate he find interesting is themsleves interested in other things - all of you who harp on about how dull/thick/boring people are sound very old and jaded - if you are interested in things you will find them interesting simple as that - you can find something interesting about everyone if you have that childlike urge to discover stuff - i think the aging process has taken you down the inevitable victor meldrew route - miserable old buggars that noone like cos you dont like anyone
go on try it next time youre faced with new people - be interested- show interest and then you might be surprised

[fanny splendid]

I agree with you almost completely, hotvans. The one issue I will take up with you, is the age of the whingers. I think you'll find that they like to think they are acting a lot older than they actually are.

[phes]

I do however feel that I am reaching a point with friends (new) I am playing hide and seek with knowledge, i.e. making them make a comment, and then following it up with what I knew already to get an un-tarnished view

I'm glad someone else does this. I was beginning to wonder if i was developing a personality disorder. Hearing someone else put it into their own words makes me feel a whole lot better about myself!

It's not that I think I know a lot, I'm young, and I don't. Just that some people either tell you what you want to hear, or are easily led. Either way, it's not them you're getting to know, It's you.

In fact, I would go as far as to say that It's an unselfish act. it's gives people the opportunity to explore themselves.  Especially if they're young, lack confidence, or haven't learnt how to win an argument, regardless of who's actually right.

Of course, that's all before you go wading in with you size 13's and mecilessly kick the shit out of everything they ever believed in.

Well done you.

[gazzyk1ns]

Re: Fanny and Hotvans:

I hope you two aren't referring to me, I was saying I was quite content, and asking if you all thought that was OK or not, and if you felt the same...

I don't like to be "mentally stimulated" much in real life anyway, it only annoys me and stops me from having a good time and/or getting more important (i.e. 'real') things done. If I want to form an educated opinion about something then I'll read up about it, usually on the internet, and/or talk about it here. It's easier that way, you can take information in at your leisure and ignore people you don't respect without seeming rude because they'll never know.

I am reluctant to say that "me and my friends rarely have deep conversations", because that makes us sound thick, like a bunch of surfer-bums wandering about saying "dude" and "eeexcellent!" all the time, or something similar. It's not like that, hopefully you lot know the sort of things I like to talk/think/know about by reading it on here and the "mates" I'm always referring to are all doing/have done degrees at red brick Unis, three of them masters and one a phd.

Luckily they're not the stereotypical acedemic type (I have to say I've never really known anyone well who does fit that stereotype, though...). When we're together we just like to have fun, the last lengthy conversation I had with the guy I mentioned doing the phd was about how Kit Kat Kubes should also make a "Kube Lube Tube", and encourage you to introduce the Kubes into your sex-play with your partner.

[Nearly Annually]

Recently I have been spending the best time I have ever spent with any other human being ever. So utterly absorbing is he that last night I forgot to smoke or drink. Here, look, I've got a picture of him in my wallet ...


... What? Where are you all going?

As if I care.

[The Boston Crab]

Done the wallet-photo thing many many many times...

Excruciating looking back.

[fanny splendid]

Thanks for that, AY.

I hope you two aren't referring to me

Gazzy, what are you going to do about it, eh? Eh?

I hope you two aren't referring to me, I was saying I was quite content

I think you answered your question right there...

[Gazeuse]

I agree with you almost completely, hotvans. The one issue I will take up with you, is the age of the whingers. I think you'll find that they like to think they are acting a lot older than they actually are.

Seconded.

[El Unicornio, mang]

I'd have to pretty much agree with gazzyk1ns, although I don't think it's do with not being able to find anything interesting in what people say, it's just that 90% of conversations seem utterly pointless, and consist of people talking about things which don't move anyone forward, but are rather a means to avoid uncomfortable silences.
Sadly, the people who talk the most tend to have the least to actually say, whereas those who might have something interesting to say (such as an idea about how to build attack-proof skyscrapers or grow giant strawberries) tend to not say much at all, probably because they're too busy thinking about all these great inventions they could be working on when they're not sitting in a pub talking about football.
If you're having to make an effort to find someone interesting then I really don't think it's worth the effort. Life's too short and you should be doing something you enjoy rather than having to listen to someone drone on about how crap their job is. Of course, we all do it, it's politeness. But really, how many times have you been truly interested in what someone is saying to you, rather than just nodding along, waiting for your turn to talk?
I personally find that I get most enjoyment from other people's conversations when I least expect it, for instance getting a taxi once and hearing all these stories from the driver about the scummers who tried to rob him ,and how he sorted out all these twats. I could have listened to him talk for hours.
As far as close friends go, it's not really a problem because we don't feel the need to make small talk, and most of our conversations consist of making jokes about things or reminiscing about things we did years ago, which I always enjoy. You can't really do this with 'aquantances' or 'friends of friends'.
I guess it depends what you're interested in. Being into music and films, I'm always interested to hear people talk about these kinds of things, although a lot of people would find these utterly boring.

[mr rou-rou]

interesting

not really,

the interesting stuff goes on inside our heads, this is just a tidemark left by the creative process.

this is probably knocking around your local library, has anyone who's read it not found it beneficial?

I would love to play "what is interesting about a frog?" with you, but I can't be arsed.

Ribbit

[gazzyk1ns]

Surprising to find that most people empathise with me, I didn't expect it really - not a week goes past without me reading one of you lot say "fascinating guy, incredible to talk to..." or something very similar.

[Nearly Annually]

(How to be more interesting)

Never heard of it.

*Add to basket*

I'm going to give that to my mate Dave. He's always been paranoid about being boring. Interesting case, is Dave - women have always been like flies* on shit with him. Men too. The party doesn't feel right until he's there, but on closer inspection he actually contributes very little, even one-to-one in the corner. But all you ever hear is "Where's Dave?" Evidently his lack of interestingness doesn't stop anyone being interested.

*Originially mistyped as filies, heh.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.