240 seconds

[Partridge's Love Child]

Today marks the fiftieth anniversary of Roger Bannister's record for running the mile.  Often referred to as the Four Minute Mile, Bannister was actually the first runner to cover the distance in less that four minutes, crossing the line with a time of 3 minutes 59.4 seconds.


Roger Bannister breaking the record for the mile 50 years ago, yesterday.

Bannister, now 75, was on Breakfast News this morning (and as I type this he's just come on 5Live) and very graciously played down his athletic pride, rightly marking his career as a doctor and a neurologist as a far greater acheivement.  So bollocks to him and his mile, I put it to you all that we can all do something far more impressive than running around a track in four minutes.  Perhaps you can knock up a mong that quick, smoke twenty fags or paint an exact copy of the Mona Lisa with your arse.  I've just eaten a packet of Hula Hoops.

The four minute challenge starts here - what can you do in four minutes?

Heh, here's a potential wanking thread if ever I saw one.

[Neville Chamberlain]

Masturbate to orgasm.

[elderford]

Listen to three albums by the Ramones.

[fanny splendid]

Drown.

[Purple Tentacle]

Cook the pefect boiled egg

[smoker]

throttle a human being to death

[Partridge's Love Child]

throttle a human being to death

This is impressive on the surface, but I think you need to provide proof and, like Bannister, have on official adjudicator.  Norris McQuirter would've been perfect, because he could have verified it at the same time as you strangled the rotten old bastard into his grave.  Typically the rancid turd has spoilt our plans by going off and dying a week or so early, just to spoil our fun.

You also do not say if you use your bare hands, or if you are using an instrument.  If you have strangulation appartus - a Tom Baker scarf, say, this makes the murder easier as you can get more purchase on it and tighten the grip easier.

The denomination "human being" is also vague.  If you are doing the throttling with your bare hands, the time it takes would surely depend upon the thickness of the throttlee's neck - Geoff Capes would be harder to squeeze the breath from that, say, Nicholas Lyndhurst.  Perhaps you should build up the weight categories like on You Bet!  May I suggest you start with Dekionplexis.

[elderford]

It's fairly simple to get your victim to black out in a few seconds, if you stand behind them.

Your right arm
around their throat, so that the crook of your elbow rests against the front of it.

Your left arm
fingers upwards, palm of your hand against the back of their head.

The trick is to just squeeze with your right arm and use your body weight to lean into them, your left hand will prevent them being able to back out of the choke.

They should black out in a couple of seconds.

It comes on really quick, so if you want to play choke your mate, make sure you have arranged on a tapping out system beforehand.

Fun with no money cheap high as it makes you really dizzy and lightheaded, but you will end up with a sore throat.

If they don't tap out you'll probably end up killing them.

[smoker]

bet you're the life and soul of the party eldeford ;)

[TraceyQ]

Elderford is permanently un-invited to any future meets.

[Purple Tentacle]

KIDS! Remember that if you ever pass out through throttling etc. it's because your brain has been deprived of oxygen, which can lead to permanent brain damage or death!

[hencole]

In four minutes I could watch a man run a mile.

or I could observe a silence for the victims of 9/11 and still have an extra minute left to remember those killed in World War 2.

[Nearly Annually]

Or you could observe a minute's silence for each of the last four people killed by elderford.

[Partridge's Love Child]

Masturbate to orgasm.

I just can't get the image out of my head of Leslie Grantham, perched naked over a webcam with one finger in his mouth, stop watch ticking away, frantically pounding his particulars whilst singing "Ah've got 21 seconds to go..."

If Elderford was a cab driver, I wonder if he'd be able to disarm Grantham before he shot him through the head in the sixties.

[butnut]

....while watching 'gone in 60 seconds'

[swinny]

Roger Bannister cut my dad's toe off when doing his doctor training (with medical worth obviously, he wasn't just being a vindictive bastard)...Wonder how long that takes?

[Neville Chamberlain]

Roger Bannister cut my dad's toe off when doing his doctor training (with medical worth obviously, he wasn't just being a vindictive bastard)...Wonder how long that takes?

Probably about 3 mins 59.4 secs.

[Lord Spong]

Roger Bannister cut my dad's toe off

How long does it take your Dad to run a mile?

Apparently you can get £2,000 for having your toe cut off nowadays....

[bresker]

Drink 3 pints of guinness.

[fanny splendid]

Drink 3 pints of guinness.

Is that all?

[bresker]

I'm too scared to try four.

One Christmas, just to show off really, I drank nine in half an hour, and think I nearly bust my drinking muscles. I wasn't well for a long time after that.

[fanny splendid]

Heh, heh, that's more like it.

I reckon you could do three in a minute, if they weren't too cold...

[Mediocre Rich]

Eat 11 crackers (but not 12)

[butnut]

That's kind of Ollie Reed levels there. He once drank something like 120 pints in 24 hours. That's an average of 5 pints an hour. Now, if I did 5 pints in one hour, I'd be pretty pissed. After 2 hours I'd be throwing up and wanting to go home. I've no idea how he did it.

[Partridge's Love Child]

He's dead now.

[butnut]

But he went as he would have wanted - in a pub.

[Neville Chamberlain]

That snooker player Bill Werbenuik (?) got through an average of 20 pints per match.

He's dead now too.

How ironic that my 147th post should be about snooker. Ahahahaha!

[bresker]

My great uncle used to be one of Reed's drinking buddies. he's dead too. I'm seeing a pattern here.

I never met this particular great uncle, sadly. I met the other one who had a steel plate in his skull after he got shot up at Dunkirk. But he just dribbled a lot. And didn't drink with celebrities.

[fanny splendid]

Hmm, challenges for an approaching verbwhore meet. Vol. 1

[Marcus Or Relius]

I can go from the dizzying heights of cheerfullness and joy to the depths of utter, utter despair and monumental depression and back to the dizzying heights of cheefullness and joy again in the space of 240-seconds, just by sitting and staring into space with my mouth hanging open and a drool of spit connecting my bottom lip and my shoulder.

I'm mad, me. Totally bonkers. Arf arf.