Amusing Job Resignations.

[FrizzBit]

No, not Clare Short.

What is the most bizarre way in which anyone has ever managed to extract themselves from a job they no longer wanted?
I once took so much speed the night before my shift in a certain cinema that they sent me home an hour into my shift, due to my sitting down on the kiosk floor with my back against a fridge, tears and snotters tripping me, wailing 'I can't take it anymore! I can't take it! I need to go home.' while the punters demanded their salted popcorn and watery cola. I was too embarrassed to ever go back. Apart from that I have been a model employee - giving adequate notice and then ripping the piss by turning up late and phoning in sick all the rest of my days there. As you do.

[bresker]

Frizzy wants me to post this.

Ok, I returned to Northern Ireland from Australia for a few months last year and took up a job with the Civil Service. I fully intended to return to Australia but I never told my employers this. A few weeks before I was due to leave, I hadn't handed in my resignation. This was out of sheer embarassment, as they kept on telling me what a great job I was doing and how I would learn more "in the weeks and months ahead." I'm quite a sensitive person, I suppose, and suffer terribly from feelings of guilt. I felt like I would be leaving them in the lurch if I suddenly told them I was upping and leaving for Australia.

For a long time I had done nothing, simply ignored the situation. You're supposed to give six weeks notice in the Civil Service.  I procrastinated until my departure was a couple of weeks away. How could I get get out of my predicament? I felt awful so I phoned in sick for a couple of days. Then I just stopped ringing & didn't bother going in.

Then my twisted brain hit upon a plan, and I wrote this letter to one of the senior bosses in my department:

Dear Mr *****,

       I am sorry for my continued absence from work over the last week or so, but I feel that you should know he full circumstances. I believe that a vendetta is being carried out against me by certain persons within the branch, namely ******* and ******. Despite admitting that my work is nearly faultless, they seem to have decided that they do not want me working with them and have taken to attacking me on a personal level. They often have whispered conferences at the far end of the office, which I can tell are about me as they keep glancing in my direction. After these conferences are finished I am usually warned about some aspect of my behaviour. Last week it was for using the telephone too much at work, before that it was arriving five minutes late from lunch.

I could live with these minor irritants, but I have a much more serious problem to contend with. I believe that *** and ******* are trying to interfere with my work by destroying my powers of concentration. I believe that when either of them presses a certain combination of keys on their computer keyboard, some sort of white noise is emitted and interferes with my brain patterns. It seems that only I am affected by it. It is like having a swarm of invisible bees buzzing around in my head. They both create this effect several times a day. While they are doing it they nod and wink at each other. When they have finished they ask if I am ok or if I need any help, when they know fine rightly what sort of ordeal they have been putting me through. Then they go outside the office and laugh at me.

As you can understand, this behaviour is making me very unhappy at work, so I have decided to take some time off. I trust that you will investigate these matters fully and report back to me. I anticipate that I will be able to return to work without fear of harassment some time in the near future.

Yours sincerely,



******

The ****** folks were my boss and his boss. Nice people generally, although they had issued me an official warning for my 30 minute phone calls to my wife in Australia (She phoned me BTW.)

And I posted it off.

Two minutes later I regretted my decision, but it was done. About a week later they sent an occupational counsellor  out to my house to interview me. I wasn't really sure how lunatics are supposed to behave, so I just answered him very slowly and stared at the fire. He was a bit frightened of me, I think, and was only too happy to get away after a few nondescript remarks.

And that was that, pretty much. I flew out to Australia and tried to forget about the whole thing. Well, actually, that's a lie. I got a referral to a psychiatrist and convinced him I was mad. Then I got him to write a letter which I forwared to the Civil Service in an effort to get them to keep paying me my wages. But they havn't replied.

I think I am still officially employed there, though. I got a letter the other day advising me of a wage increase. But they said they couldn't give it to me because I wasn't employed there long enough.

[Ranter]

If I had a certificate of madness, I'd frame it and hang it on the wall.

[neveragain]

Great story. ( :
I haven't got another one though.

[Krang]

I was sent home to change my shoes, because they werent suitable, so i went home, and never went back. The next morning the boss phoned to find out what was going on, and i had a conversation with him about how i was out of line leaving all my fellow workers struggling for the night. I cant remember any of the conversation coz i was still in bed trying to sleep.

[fanny splendid]

I got scarlet fever, and couldn't work in the bar in case any pregnant women came in.

Thank you god.

[Ranter]

Frizzbit, are you a girl?

[FrizzBit]

Last time I checked. Why?

[Ranter]

Was just wondering. My convictions are spent now, I'm allowed to talk to most women over the age of 16.

[grundie]

I used to work in a PC technical support call centre and it was a real hell hole of a place. Everything you did was monitored, timed ond observed.  If you spent too long on a call, you had to explain why.  Toilet breaks were limited to 3 minutes (no kidding) and if your performance wasn't up to scratch the boss would give you a bollocking.

I detested the place. As well as having to try and reach near impossible performance targets, a lot of callers would give you a hard time and we were expected to deal with it without hanging up.

I was only in the job to tide me over untill I started my new proper job. I had every intention of making a dramatic exit as my new job was safe and I didn't need a reference. Two weeks before I intended to quit I got a call from a knight, a right cheeky one as well. He insisted I call him by his full title, "Its Sir Michael if you don't mind". He was trying to get support for a computer he didn't even buy from us. He got more and more angry with me refusing to help him, I couldn't do much as I wasn't allowed to help him. Eventually something snapped and I advised him to shove his PC in to a part of his body where the sun doesn't shine. He responded with the usuall ego comments "Do you know who I am ?" and "You'll be out of that job quicker than you know it", if only he knew.

He hung up and I sat back with a feeling of deep satisfaction. 30 minutes later my boss calls me up with a look of rage in her eyes. "Robert did you tell a customer to f*** off?", "Yes I did, and now I'm telling you to f*** off too", "Shove your job, slavedriver".  And at that point I walked out. a happy man. Strangely they paid me for thte next few weeks and gave me my back holiday allowance, which was nice.

[Big Jack McBastard]

Sir Micheal?

Have you gone and told Charlie Croker to shove his PC up his arse?