Self-Improvement

[Marcus Or Relius]

Hooble-Doop to all you Tiddley Peeps;

I start my new job on Monday and was thinking that, having spent over two-months lazing about the house living on cigarettes, coffee and children's programmes, it's about time I made some sort of vague attempt at self-improvement.

I did so at the beginning of 2002. I was living in a somewhat shitty flat, more suited to a student than the sophisticated twenty-something bachelor that I was. So I moved to a new flat, a dead nice one, then quit smoking. I just gave cigs up, just like that - none of those sissy nicotine patches for me. Then I cut down on drinking, went on a diet and lost two-stone, decided it was about time I had a holiday abroad and quickly saved up the cash to fuck off to New York, then decided I ought to get a girlfriend. I opted to summon up the courage to ask out a rather nice lady who sat opposite me at work, and was still pathetically  trying to summon up that courage two-months later when she rather bizarrely asked me out, claiming that she 'liked' me. Heh. A likely story, I thought at first.

The young lady in question dumped me after a year - she said she was 'unnerved' by the framed pictures of Jeffrey Dahmer and Ted Bundy that hung on my bedroom wall, and also my habit of wearing a Friday The 13th style hockey-mask during sex - and I submarinesequently took up smoking and listening to GG Allin again in a fit of depression and stuff. But nevermind. I was too good for her anyway.

So, having found myself a new job, I figured I might try and stop smoking again, and maybe some other sort of other behaviour that indicates I actually have some enthusiasm for life, or at least making it last a bit longer. So I'll give up smoking tomorrow. Monday rather. Definately Monday. Or the week after next. July at the latest, or August.

Anyone else ever embarked on a wild spree of self-improvement, at the expenditure of much will-power/cash/dignity, with or without a motive? Or are you all so gosh darned perfect anyway?

[butnut]

Yes, like all of us, I have the odd burst of this. A few months ago I gave up drinking for 3 1/2 weeks. Last October I started going swimming. And they have made a bit of difference, but, as you say, it's very easy to slip back into drunken student depressive mode again.

And here's my most recent, and most shocking! This morning, in an attempt to kick-start my love life and my self-esteem, I looked at a few internet dating sites - which are bloody odd places. Actually, there were som bloody hilarious people on them. So, I'm wondering, is it worth signing up there? Are there real people out there? It can't hurt, can it?

[Lt Plonker]

[edit] Sorry. It matters not.

[Smackhead Kangaroo]

HAHAHAHAHAH another we're all losers thread, and you're right you're all losers HAHAHAH.

Plonker have you ever heard treat em mean keep em keen?
go on take up being a wifebeating bastard. It need not be your wife, anyone's will do. go on slap them about a few times YEs that's it  get the knuckle right across the eye......

Or take up doggin always fascinating that, endless adventures wankingover someone's bonnet as they have sex inside.

Have you ever considered trying to smuggle cigars out of Cuba? Go on

[Lt Plonker]

Ah bollocks, you got there before I could destroy the evidence.

[butnut]

Tell us what he said Smackhead, I could do with a laugh.

[mayer]

like butnut said, we all flirt with this sort of thing every now and again.

new years resolutions, quitting smoking (i've not had one in 8 weeks and counting), doing those situps, deciding to really work hard this year.

but isn't this shtick all a bit last century?

Tyler Durden: Self improvement is masturbation. Now self destruction...

now, if only the first part of that quote was flipped about a bit, i could probably win "most improved 2004".

[Gazeuse]

I wouldn't want to change anything about myself in the head department...Don't get me wrong, it's a far from perfect mechanism, but it does exactly what I need it to without causing too many problems.

I do the usual trying to shift the gut every now and again...I'm currently swimming most mornings and walking a lot. (Yes, WALKING).

One thing I'm thinking about is doing something about this thread vein I've got on my nose. It doesn't worry me at all, but I'm beginning to suspect that it makes me look like a bit of an old soak.  i've looked into it and apparently someone can stick a needle painlessly into it and suck it off my face with very little trouble. I feel a bit sceptical about this however and fear finding myself in a back street vein sucker offer and ending up with no nose.