In the absence of HS Art...

[Glebe]

Fans of TV nostalgia can strap themselves in for a night of fond memories, when Jon Pertwee comes back from the dead for Jon Pertwee's Warm Mug of Nostalgia, 9PM Fri on E4 (subject to change at last minute).

Passing away in 1996 hasn't stopped Pertwee from popping up for one last encore performance, and he's keen to boil up a comforting cup of telly bygones. Slipping into the kitchen while the ads are on, he gets out the biggest mug in the cupboard, pours in some hot milk, adds a dash of cinnamon and sprinkles some of your favourite 'memory lane' moments on top. Ahhhhh!

Playing footy with jumpers for goalposts, then being called in for y'tea and watching Star Wars on ITV... making a 'racing car' out of your pillows before getting up for cereal and Muppet Babies on a Saturday morn... winning Sabre Wolf on the Spectrum then breaking your leg running down stairs to tell everyone... these are just some the 'possible' memories swirling atop Jon's wistful cocoa mixture, and he has no qualms about implanting them into your brain via his sinister 'mind tube'.

"We had strict parameters for the show," notes the erstwhile Time-Lord from a secret location in TV Centre. "Bill & Ben, Andy Pandy and Muffin the Mule went too far back, but later additions such as Pokemon, Power Rangers and Spongebob were deemed to exist too far-forward in the space-time continuum. And Teletubbies were out of the question!" he quips, with a wry smile. "Also, we avoided bad memories such as That's Life!, which could bring a cloud of Sunday-night depression flooding back."

The show's soundtrack is a specially-commissioned collaboration between Ronnie Hazlehurst and Johnny Marr, while rostrum duties were – reassuringly - performed by Ken Morse. It all adds up to a nourishing brouhaha for big kids of a certain age of all ages of all generations etc.!

[doppelkorn]

Getting there! Do these exist anywhere outside of CAB?

[Glebe]

Getting there! Do these exist anywhere outside of CAB?

*belatedly* Nope, but thanks for the interest!



Everyone remembers where they were when Tommy Cooper died on stage, or Noel Edmonds murdered somebody on a bungie or something, but an even greater tragedy struck during the late Greg Wallace's latest programme. Despite four fatalities, including the host and all his guests, Channel 5 have tastefully decided to go ahead with the full four-hour horrorshow.

Greggie's Garrulous Get-Together is a little-seen annual TV 'soiree' which has been hosted by Masterchef baldie Greg Wallace these past few years. "Despite dwindling figures, I have always been the most gracious of hosts, and previous years had seen the likes of Carol Smillie and Keith Chegwin turn up", says Wallace from his small Frinton-on-Sea hovel. "However, I was unprepared for this year's disappointing turn-out."

"This year, only Robert Kilroy-Silk, Matey the Bubble Bath and Churchy the Dog from the Churchill car insurance ads turned up", sighs Wallace. "At first, things weren't so bad. Matey had a few refills of my delicious punch and Churchy kept us laughing by going 'Oh, yes!' But the presence of the awful Kilroy-Silk brought the mood down, and that's when the suicide pact was discussed."

Indeed, the leathery 90s shit-stirring tabloidian tragedian cast a long shadow over the gathered friends, with Greg left with no choice but to spike the Gatorade™ with cyanide capsules in a frenzied bid to end the session. The Queen is to lead mourners in a special commemorative 'Greggie's Day' to begin this year. Remember the Four.