I've killed a spider :(

[rudi]

Aw leave it alone. If you don't bother it it won't bother you unless you get caught in its massive web in which case it'll wrap you in silk and devour you ever so slowly.

[Replies From View]

The best way to defeat a massive city sized spider would be to drop a massive country sized upturned glass on it.


Pricy though.

I would keep feeding it giant flies to make it grow bigger and bigger, because of my undying love for it.

I would burst it out of your pricy glass by growing it to such a vast size.  No vessel would contain it for long.

[biggytitbo]

If it smashed out of the glass I'd construct a gigantic bathtub from which it would never be able to escape.


Pricy though.

[rudi]

You're so full of shit, biggy. You've never displayed even a smidgen of basic plumbing skills on here.

Bathtub indeed...

[biggytitbo]

My favourite band is bathtub shitter, so I think that qualifies me to construct a bathtub the size of Wigan.

[rudi]

Hmm, OK, that seems reasonable.

[Replies From View]

I would volunteer an enormous cardboard slope to facilitate its straightforward escape from said "gigantic bathtub".

[Mister Six]

So according to 'An Introduction To Buddhism' by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso, I am to be commited to one of the three lower realms of rebirth (animal realm, hungry ghost realm, or hell realm) unless I purify my negative karma for this most grievous act.

A proper Buddhist doesn't believe in reincarnation. There is no spider. There is no trolley. There is no guilt. There only is.

Alternatively, piss through your own letterbox.

[Replies From View]

Isn't there an is not?

[Mister Six]

No, there is not.

Hey, hold on...!

[Cerys]

Schrödinger called.  He wants his box back.

[Replies From View]

Tell Schrödinger to fuck off.  I'm using his box as a litter tray containing both cat shit and dog shit - tell him to wrap his head around that one.

[biggytitbo]

I would volunteer an enormous cardboard slope to facilitate its straightforward escape from said "gigantic bathtub".

Think you're straying into the realms of fantasy there.

[Replies From View]

Well the spider will be free, so think what you like.  Like Mighty Mouse I will have "saved the day".

[Cerys]

Tell Schrödinger to fuck off.  I'm using his box as a litter tray containing both cat shit and dog shit - tell him to wrap his head around that one.

I did.  He slunk off with Heisenberg to drink raspberry schnapps, reminisce and shave each other's nipples.  I think you hurt his feelings.

[rudi]

I learnt today that the German for nipple translates as "breast wart".

[Cerys]

And quite rightly so.

[QDRPHNC]

Get into zen, then you can kill as many spiders as you like.

[Replies From View]

I did.  He slunk off with Heisenberg to drink raspberry schnapps, reminisce and shave each other's nipples.  I think you hurt his feelings.

Very fucking glad I did, if I may say so.  Next time maybe he'll be a bit more decisive.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Well the spider will be free, so think what you like.  Like Mighty Mouse I will have "saved the day".

Though ironically Mighty Mouse was tragically killed by a tarantula in 2004.

I'd never admit to any criminal act on a forum because I'm not an idiot, but I have a 'friend' who...well, let's just say that he discovered a passion for spider killing. Soon it wasn't enough to kill the ones in his house, he'd be found digging in his garden late at night, torch in one hand, axe in the other, trying to murder as many as the bastards as possible. Even that wasn't enough for him, and now he wanders the streets at night, ever alert, ready for the kill at any moment.

He's my hero.

[Cerys]

He disgusts me.

[Buelligan]

Last week I was glaring under a daybed, in a house that had been locked up for the last six months, when I spied a pendulous wiggler. 

On closer inspection it turned out to be a tiny lizard, completely wrapped, like Mr Frodo, in cobweb and hanging head-down.  I rescued him, he was dessicated and looked pretty fucked.  After unwrapping and a bit of moistening, he ran off, full of vim, to re-join his lizardy friends. 

I did not see the spider at the centre of this cruel story but I suspect, it must be quite a sight.  Its web was empty save for a hastily scrawled list;  Put out cat.  Kill Nags.