1/2 Year Review

[social rhinoceros]

As we enter the second half of 2012 I think of all the things I have yet to achieve!!!  What has been your highlight and lowlight of the year so far? Personal goals acheived to favourite films seen......

[KLG-7A]

Stop being so positive. All of your things will break, and your vision is only going to deteriorate.

[social rhinoceros]

I wasn't being positive!  I have done FUCK all this year and, in fact, the last few years.  I cannot believe we are in July and I'm still pottering around my flat watching films and sitting on websites whilst to population are out 'clubbing'.  That said, I have had a good year so far>!>>>!!???!

[thepuffpastryhangman]

Personal goals achieved...

I had four (consecutive) pulse readings of 59, 56, 57 and 53 tonight. Not great but going the right way. Long way from my sub-50 heyday though.
Not owing anyone £35.

[KLG-7A]

I had four (consecutive) pulse readings of 59, 56, 57 and 53 tonight. Not great but going the right way. Long way from my sub-50 heyday though.
Not owing anyone £35.

See, this is what actually being a cunt looks like, instead of just joking.

[social rhinoceros]

amazing

[Hank Venture]

Finished some exams, improved my chances of getting into the school I want to go to, grew as a person as a natural result of the course my life has taken.

But fuck, I haven't been clubbing! Wasting my life.

[social rhinoceros]

But fuck, I haven't been clubbing! Wasting my life.

What the fuck??  Get out there boy!!!

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I love social rhinoceros. We dont see enough postings which is a shame, nearly every one makes me smile.

[social rhinoceros]

I love social rhinoceros. We dont see enough postings which is a shame, nearly every one makes me smile.

Hmmmmm thanks.... I think!   I have to go bed now....im exhausted from watching Sky News.

[Ginyard]

I've buggered up a decent marriage, alienated my children, and lost the respect of my parents, but finally tromboned a shemale.

[rudi]

I've just been clubbing. It was shit.

[Fabian Thomsett]

I've watched a lot of Waking The Dead. And that's about it. I'll start being productive on Monday.

[Hangthebuggers]

One 'failed' fling with a barmaid, on the plus side I bought a guitar.

Erm... That's about it really.

[mook]

i'm getting a pig soon, an oxford black and sandy crossed with a berkshire. i'm still having a fling with a barmaid, but that's been going on for years and years now and i too bought a guitar. still haven't got past disc one on the linguaphone italian course, i've no idea what the fuck they're wittering on about, something about milan airport i think. some other stuff.

[Necrophagism]

Highlight: Upgraded from Pay As You Go to a contract.

Lowlight: Downgraded from PAYE to having to sort out money matters on my own due to fear and guilt .

Oh, I went clubbing and drank a blue drink.

[Nuclear Optimism]

It looked like I was moving to the big city (Leeds) and the prospect of a promotion and better pay, but that all came crashing down and now I'm stuck here, working six and a half days a weeks (when I say "working" I mean "working half-assed, on principle") for a company that looks like it's about to collapse after a load of money went missing. I even have to use my own laptop in the office because the computers are shit. And Dan's been off sick for ages so I have to do all his fucking spreadsheets which I don't understand.

What's worse, my dickhead brother and his idiot wife have moved closer to help dad, whose condition continues to get worse, and if anything their helping out makes things even more difficult in a way only my family could achieve.

Then my mother showed up for the first time in ages, and I didn't know how to handle that.

Most of my friends have moved away, and the ones which are still here are beginning to wear thin.

My flatmate still watches The Big Bang Theory and King of Queens on a fucking loop and I never get the telly. In a way, this annoys me the most.

But other than that, everything's going great. This site is great, and is the highlight of my day(s).

[biggytitbo]

I had a club[nb]Orange flavour[/nb] in April.


Nothing much else to report.

[HappyTree]

I went clubbing and now have enough baby seal meat in the freezer to survive the End Times.

[SockPuppet]

I had three plans for this year.

-cut out the booze
-develop a 'career' as a comedy writer
-don't post on CaB

Well, the third one's turned to shit and the first one isn't going too well but the second one is coming along nicely. For now.

[BlodwynPig]

All my personal lows are behind me and my personal highs in front.

Monday
Wet the bed twice in the night, no more clean sheets, vow to sleep in garden from now on
All my personal lows are behind me and my personal highs in front.

Tuesday
Fall down escalator in Debenhams, ladies bra lands on face. Find it erotic, but can't hide my arousal. Thrown out by security.
All my personal lows are behind me and my personal highs in front.

Wednesday
Full of woe. Stay at home. Receive 14 phone calls about problems with my computer from Microsoft. Despite not having computer I still end up paying over 400 quid to them.
All my personal lows are behind me and my personal highs in front.

Thursday
Tramp falls into me in street. Beat the shit out of him before realising it is a small child. Police called. Wet bed twice again. Coppers not happy.
All my personal lows are behind me and my personal highs in front.

Friday
Find 5p in cell
All my personal highs are behind me

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

that was the tale of Solomon Grundy.

[Nuclear Optimism]

Oh Dan has fucking quit and I'm stuck with his fucking spreadsheets. Fucking fuck.

[biggytitbo]

I've been sat next to a man who has a permanent cold and channels a good gallon of phlegm through his nose and throat every day. And he makes revolting gobbling sounds when he eats. And he looks like Frankenstein's monster.


Git.

[SockPuppet]

You've been sitting next to a mirror, you fool!!!!

[buttgammon]

Greatest achievement: a (frankly, very good if not very very good) big piece of work on Shakespeare and the post-colonial world, written over Easter while pausing every few sentences to gorge myself on Ferrero Rochers.

Tiniest achievement: managing to successfully remove attention from a small hole in a pair of trousers by pretending it isn't there.

Biggest journey: to the newsagents with a beautiful African woman. It was very disappointing because there was a superior store which stocked a wide array of Choc Dips and Branningans crisps just across the road.

Best discovery: a newsagents which stocks a wide array of Choc Dips and Brannigans crisps.

Hospital trips: 2 1/2.

Bad peaches half-eaten: 1

Most terrifying situation that could have been feature on Michael Buerk's 999: Dropping a half-empty box of condoms under the passenger seat of a car and almost getting my arm stuck in a desperate attempt to stop my mum from seeing them.

Most damaging newly-purchased clothes situation: A three way tie between hole in chinos, button falling off shirt and vanishing with no replacement in little packet forthcoming, and shoes irrevocably dirtied in floodwater outside pub.

[Viero_Berlotti]

Walking along the highstreet yesterday felt like the this year is officially the first year of the downfall of western civilization.

Empty shop after empty shop, the only businesses that seem to be thriving are pound shops, money lenders and bookmakers. People forcing themselves into celebrating jingoistic rubbish like armed forces day. Groups of grey, desperate looking folk huddled outside rough pubs joylessly smoking and drinking away what little cash they have to spare.

Personally it's not been too bad a six months for me, but whenever I leave the house I just get the feeling this is the end of days. Things like the jubilee and the Olympics don't help, they just add to the sense of fiddling whilst Rome burns.

[BlodwynPig]

It's a pastiche, isn't it. People doing what they think they should be doing if we were all happy and joyous. But in this current climate, it comes across as soulless and forced. Like going to a party for a woman with dementia and being made to record the happy birthday song on an old cassette recorder after listening to the recording from last year's celebrations (I have done this).

[TrenterPercenter]

I would say the clear highlight was realising after 31 years of manhood that i could brush my teeth whilst pissing in the shower, thus adding valuable minutes to my "actual" life, rather than wasting them on laborious human maintenance.

All lowlights pale in significance to this life changing revelation.  Even that incident with the dwarf.

[Nuclear Optimism]

I learned that instead of right-clicking and selecting "Open link in new tab", you can just hold Ctrl and click the link for the same effect. This has saved me 0.5 of a second every single time.