Houses of Porniment

[Replies From View]

This is like that episode of The Office where Michael needs to fire somebody - he languishes the whole time and speaks to different members of staff, they're all saying it shouldn't be them and pointing their fingers at someone else - and in the last 30 seconds of the episode there is suddenly a character we have never seen before who has apparently been sitting at the back since the first episode with us never noticing them.

[Replies From View]

I'm confident that would have been a bigger headline

It didn't make any difference to Louis CK.

[prelektric]

This is like that episode of The Office where Michael needs to fire somebody - he languishes the whole time and speaks to different members of staff, they're all saying it shouldn't be them and pointing their fingers at someone else - and in the last 30 seconds of the episode there is suddenly a character we have never seen before who has apparently been sitting at the back since the first episode with us never noticing them.

It's this isn't it, I mean, it really is. Nice analogy.

Fucking hell, what is it going to take to rid us of these utter shitstains forever?

^sigh

[idunnosomename]

Tractor? I hardly knew her!

[pancreas]

Shooting fish in a barrel, but what fish.

https://twitter.com/unfetteredmind1/status/1520443361739608064

[Kelvin]

Had a (real) dream about you last night, pancers.

I was visiting your home, a lavish apartment that was absolutely floor to ceiling with rubbish. For some reason, you and I exchanged gifts; I gave you a small toy house for some reason, and you gave me a cake with white chocolate icing. Gekko was asleep on a mattress on the floor. He woke up at the end and you both had a blazing row, while I stood around awkwardly.

White chocolate icing ffs.

[pancreas]

I can't stand white chocolate. Maybe someone's child made it for me and I was dishonourably foisting it on you. Rest of it sounds vaguely plausible.

[jenna appleseed]

Just Devon Live implying my (ex?) MP's a tractor shagger.

[TrenterPercenter]

hahaha been putting up a fence all day so only just catching up with all this fucking YES! get in!

[jenna appleseed]

wishing the location box was longer so could change mine to 'where the Christmas lights looked like pants and the MP watched porn'.

[greencalx]

I'm guessing he was hoovering in the nude and slipped....

[Zetetic]

The combination of "Of course, in theory it's reprehensible that he was looking at pornography" and "lol, but imagine if he was looking at TractorsDoPorn, isn't the reality of industry hilarious?!" is utterly miserable.

[Jittlebags]

If he's a farmer, surely he's got loads of hedges. Full to the brim with good old fashioned paper based bongo. It's a well known fact that the average 1km hedge contains the equivalent of 10 Fiestas, 2 New Cunts, or 1 German Oma Creampie Frenzy.

[Glyn]

Have never seen such a blatant attempt to be the new Hamiltons

"I'll say I got lost searching for tractors and you say that women have equal blame for the global porn industry. We'll be on celebrity wife swap in no time".

[Bronzy]

XHarvester

[Dex Sawash]

Tractors? What? Why was he looking at tractors anyway? How does that lead to porn?

Two bottom plow

[JesusAndYourBush]

Presumably his search for Massey Ferguson was autocorrected to Massive Ferguson, the famous porn actor?

There's a Korean make of tractor called a Daedong.  Slip of the finger - screen full of dong. Easy mistake to make.

[Clatty McCutcheon]

He was searching for Fordson but ended up looking at foursomes.

[Replies From View]

Was looking for combine harvesters and somehow Google instead gave me results for cock and ball torture 🤷

[Ferris]

"The situation was that - funnily enough it was tractors I was looking at."

"Funnily enough" is tory for "I am about to tell you a ludicrous whopper".

See also: https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-50449339

Ctrl+f "funny enough" or "funnily enough".

[Zero Gravitas]

Oh fuck it's a call for 'radical reform'.

Thanks perv, we had some good momentum building.

[Zero Gravitas]

Seemingly it was a Dominator:



A "Claas Dominator" talk about resurgence of the real!

[Johnny Yesno]

"Funnily enough" is tory for "I am about to tell you a ludicrous whopper".

See also: https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-50449339

Ctrl+f "funny enough" or "funnily enough".

Ha, I was going to post the same. Strong HRH energy in that interview.

[pigamus]

Don't tell me he was masturbating over Ronald Allen and Kenneth Ives in togas

[monkfromhavana]

Seemingly it was a Dominator:

The one and only, there is no other.

[idunnosomename]

Seemingly it was a Dominator:



A "Claas Dominator" talk about resurgence of the real!

bustin

[Ferris]

Ha, I was going to post the same. Strong HRH energy in that interview.

It's a situational assessment that the lie you're about to tell is so absurd (I was lead irreversibly down a wanking path due to tractors, I was not sweatily buying drinks at Tramps because I am unable to sweat and don't know where the bar is) you have to acknowledge it in some way rather than just bluster through.

Play it down as "isn't that crazy, it's one of those weird things haha", yes that'll do. Helps if the person telling the lies is thick as shit and all.

[Sebastian Cobb]

The best part isn't the tractor stuff it's that his pathetic grovelling amounts to 'I did it on accident the first time, then I done it again on purpose'. Clearly not a man built for thinking on his feet.

[Ferris]

The best part isn't the tractor stuff it's that his pathetic grovelling amounts to 'I did it on accident the first time, then I done it again on purpose'. Clearly not a man built for thinking on his feet.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a man in possession of a good tractor pic, must be in want of a wank.

[jenna appleseed]

BBC Spotlight's ambushed some locals trying to go shopping in Tivvy High Street ("If you want to watch porn, go and watch it in the privacy of your own car" "it's an ignominious end to a nobel career")  and dug up some old clips of him driving tractors (MASSEY FERGUSON) and talking about how he "doesn't necessarily want to go back to milking cows" - deadly serious local BBC reporter voice "Now he may have too" also "Now Neil Parrish appears to have driven a tractor through his own career".

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m001722j/spotlight-late-news-01052022
 (yesterdays night time local news for the South West, only on iplayer til 10:35pm tonight (02/05)