DESOLATION_V.swf

[Gregory Torso]

A broken toilet gets some unwanted romantic attention in a copse behind a cinema that still has a poster up for Julien Donkey Boy.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A rancid quarter-humanoid is hauled from behind the arse end of a malfunctioning Heron Freezer, where a reduced label is summarily applied. 59p.

Sells in an hour.

[batwings]

A too-old-for-it-now Cilla Black impersonator - Similar Black - takes a tumble down the cellar stairs. By the time the body is discovered, weeks later, the ginger wig has become glued to the floor by a black pool of congealed blood. Days apart, a Policeman and a cleaner make similar Surprise Surprise jokes.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A too-old-for-it-now Cilla Black impersonator - Similar Black - takes a tumble down the cellar stairs. By the time the body is discovered, weeks later, the ginger wig has become glued to the floor by a black pool of congealed blood. Days apart, a Policeman and a cleaner make similar Surprise Surprise jokes.

A reduced label is summarily applied. 59p.

Sells in an hour.

[touchingcloth]

Your dad shouts "son, will you turn that god damn music the FUCK down", except he isn't actually your dad but the worker cleaning your mum's hospice room, and you're not listening to music but a podcast about coming to terms with bereavement.

[touchingcloth]

This is gorgeous for some reason.

Always knew you had a hard on for war.

Pancreas considers bomb site.

[touchingcloth]

Your mistress says "I'm going to suck your cock" and starts sucking your cock, but then she peels her face off and it's actually your wife but then she peels her face off and it's actually your mum but then she peels her face off and it's your dad but then you realise he's not actually sucking your cock but you his but then Charlie Brooker appears and says "welcome to Black Mirror season a thousand" but it's not Black Mirror and he's actually there watching you suck your dad's cock surrounded by discarded faces but then he peels his face off and it's Konnie Huq and she says "here's one I prepared earlier" and she pulls out another you sucking another your dad's cock and it is Black Mirror after all.

Or is it?

[petril]

Your mistress says "I'm going to suck your cock" and starts sucking your cock, but then she peels her face off and it's actually your wife but then she peels her face off and it's actually your mum but then she peels her face off and it's your dad but then you realise he's not actually sucking your cock but you his but then Charlie Brooker appears and says "welcome to Black Mirror season a thousand" but it's not Black Mirror and he's actually there watching you suck your dad's cock surrounded by discarded faces but then he peels his face off and it's Konnie Huq and she says "here's one I prepared earlier" and she pulls out another you sucking another your dad's cock and it is Black Mirror after all.

Or is it?

and then peels of it's face to reveal Paul Merton, and you have been trapped in that sketch for about 30 years

[Lordofthefiles]

Due to a linguistic disconnect in your brain, you accidentally say "Jap's Eye" in conversation with a Japanese person.

[touchingcloth]

Gary tells his racist mate that he hates Black Mirror. Gary believes this to be a boast.

[petril]

Due to a linguistic disconnect in your brain, you accidentally say "Jap's Eye" in conversation with a Japanese person.

his name is Simon, and he has adopted an ironic racist nickname, but you weren't to know that

[Berthas Fat Leg]

Barry, 7, is beaten senseless in a quarry by his imaginary friends.

[Berthas Fat Leg]

A Def Leppard tribute act watch the Challenger Disaster unfold.

[batwings]

A strong gust of wind blows your balloon wife into the army barracks.

[pancreas]

Your knitted children are taken into care for noncing each other.

[the midnight watch baboon]

Heads, shoulders, knees and toes.

Colin's onc and onc's secretary share a barely-stifled giggle over that particular run of cancers, hah.

And eyes. And ears. Hehehehehheee

[pancreas]

First after dinner speech since Theresa May's sojourn in The Priory and it's obvious that she's already back on the laudanum.

[touchingcloth]

Theresa May is asked the naughtiest thing she ever did, and says that the farmers weren't best pleased when she ran through their wheat fields fingering their kids.

[petril]

Theresa May growls and slurs at a journalist to FUCK OFF, before throwing a half finished can of Tennent's Super at her

[a duncandisorderly]

Theresa May

[Cuellar]

Theresa May enjoys a lucrative and stress free retirement, making gentle jokes about her utterly irrelevant stint as PM to a different group of drunk execs every Wednesday.

"500k a year for this," she chuckles to herself.

[touchingcloth]

Theresa May spends the rest of her life working the words "wiff waff" into every single conversation or interview she ever has in the hope that this will help her get back into number 10. She releases an autobiography titled and alters her twitter profile to read "The Right Honourable Wiff Waff".

[Ferris]

Theresa May and David Cameron meet for champagne and cigars at one of their private estates.

They laugh, and laugh, and laugh, as the sun sets and purple evening draws in.

[touchingcloth]

Theresa May has a bath and says "where's the soap? It does rather, doesn't it?" to herself as she frantically nasturbates with the soap.

[Bazooka]

A stupid prick prints his O Level results onto his eyelids.

[Berthas Fat Leg]

A memory-foam mattress tries to forget.

[dex]

This month's GQ magazine, depicting James Corden smugly being a fat cunt on the front cover. Pro tory propaganda and overpriced clothing/jewellery adverts.

[Lordofthefiles]

A memory-foam mattress tries to forget.

Perfection!

[the midnight watch baboon]

Colin's cancers hum Get Lucky

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Colin's cancers hum Get Lucky

To win a third grade talent contest in Cluj-Napoca.

Coming up next, the woman who has Musical Crohn's.