The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread

[Lordofthefiles]

Roberts everywhere breathe a sigh of relieft

Bravo!

[mothman]

Occupied by the Nazis, under relentless supervision and to the highest specification

[jenna appleseed]

and it seems to me, you lived your life
like a conflagration in a bin
started floatin' down the high street
when the rain set in

[DukeDeMondo]

Thanks to madhair60, the Shawshank Redemption thread in the movies bit has taken a truly wonderful, GUFFAW-friendly turn.

[Bad Ambassador]

Thanks to madhair60, the Shawshank Redemption thread in the movies bit has taken a truly wonderful, GUFFAW-friendly turn.

Came here to post this.

RED: Restroom break? Boss?
BOSS: You don't need to ask to use the restroom, just go.
(Later that night, Boss' gaff. Phone rings)
BOSS: Hello?
RED: Please can I have a wank

[Cuellar]

INT. LAUNDRY STORAGE ROOM. DAY.

Several rapes become slower as ANDY DUFRESNE
plays classical music through speaker.

Lol!

[Twed]

That is beautiful.

[Blue Jam]

He misheard and thought America was gunning for him.

Tres bien.

[Blue Jam]

Recently I was with my brother and 6 year old son at a restaurant. They were playing 'rock, paper, scissors' but using more powerful things like 'nuke' and 'black hole'.

My son was facing defeat so whispered in my ear for something he could use to win.

I said "AIDS".

The fucking look my brother gave me. Not my finest hour.

Oh come on, that's better than anything in Cards Against Humanity.

Also I am going to Hell.

[Lordofthefiles]

A lost special finale of the A-Team is uncovered in which it emerges that Murdock has been anally fingering an unconscious BA in the cargo-hold for 5 seasons

[Sebastian Cobb]

Came here to post this.

And me, but I just posted it in the thread like a twat.

[sponk]

Tres bien.

+1

[kalowski]

[earl_sleek]

Do you remember that 'comedy' T-shirt of the sort that advertise in Viz with 'the age of consent tour' on it, with the idea that you could tour the world going younger and younger each country. I believe Columbia or somewhere was 12. Always thought it was wrong side of 'edgy', even for 90s standards.

Edit: here it is:

*gout_pony explodes*

[Dex Sawash]

Nice one ambi

[Blue Jam]

Cambridge was menaced for many years by a swan with the nickname Mr Asbo.

Oh popcorn, I was on the bus as well...

[madhair60]

That's actually true. It was on the local paper's front page for almost two years.

[JamesTC]

The best thing is Mr Asbo was put into Witness Protection.

[idunnosomename]

That's not how you play Scrabble. No wonder you've not got any fucking mates.

[sponk]

The best thing is Mr Asbo was put into Witness Protection.

No. He was put under a geesestraining order.

Just remembered he was a swan. Ignore.

[Replies From View]

Even if it was geese I'm not sure straining them would particularly help.

[Ferris]

From the MATTER OF FACT STEWART LEE STANDUP thread

Recent WIP bootleg. Stew's still got it.

https://vocaroo.com/i/s0vXLq1zGA1E

Capisco is always good value on Vocaroo.

[Captain Z]

That's brilliant

[idunnosomename]

Just get a Rick and Morty t-shirt.

[canadagoose]

From the MATTER OF FACT STEWART LEE STANDUP thread

Capisco is always good value on Vocaroo.

Ha, that's really good.

[selectivememory]

From the MATTER OF FACT STEWART LEE STANDUP thread

Capisco is always good value on Vocaroo.

Yeah, came here to post that as well.

[Flouncer]

Another paedo thread ruined by pointless bickering

This gem from the clusterfuck that Nagsy's nonce thread has become.

[idunnosomename]

yeah well placed that one was

[magval]

There's a bit in Deathwish IV (The Crackdown!) where Chuck Bronson is working undercover as a bartender for some druglord or other. The evil drug king shoots one of his men and orders one of his other flunkies and CB to carry the body out to a car outside. You see the two men carrying the body, but shot from behind. As both CB and the dead guy were wearing white shirts, the dead guy's hanging arms look like they are attached to Bronson's, giving the impression of him having long dangling orangutan arms as he waddles awkwardly out of the door. I was pretty baked when I watched it with my pals, so it caused uproarious fits of laughter to the point we had to stop the film and rewind it about 15 minutes because, being the stoned idiots that we were, we missed so much due to extended bouts of giggling.

It might actually be the most I've ever laughed at a film, comedy or otherwise (but that's drugs for you). I've got the DVD now (someone left DWs 1-5 on DVD in the free pile at my local library - what a score!) but I haven't watched that scene again, because I'm pretty sure the effect would be lessened in crystal-clear digital on a LED as opposed to the fuzziness of a well-worn rented VHS on a 14" portable.

EDIT: I found it on YouTube - still makes me laugh. https://youtu.be/kI9ObpC1XoY?t=45

[Johnny Yesno]

^Ha, that's great.