Got any good Santa's grotto disasters?

[Terry Torpid]

My favourite Christmas tradition is the annual deluge of punters complaining that they took their sprogs to see Santa, only to discover he's a minimum wage oik with a fake beard and a cushion under his coat, in a shed in some industrial estate. I don't know which side gives me the most joy: the slapdash Del-boy approach of the people who run these things, who think a bit of tinsel and a dog wearing novelty reindeer antlers represents a magical experience, or the parents who fall for this grift every single time, despite all signs indicating it's going to be an utterly depressing waste of money.

The Welsh got off to a good start this year, when some yobbos pelted a mobile Santa's grotto with "objects". Forget the sleigh, Santa drives a Range Rover now.

A mobile Santa's grotto was "pelted with objects" on its journey through a North Wales village - with fears Father Christmas won't return if it happens again.

Caernarfon Round Table's mobile Santa's grotto is on a journey through Gwynedd throughout December. In a statement, the round table said the grotto was targeted by "youths". The group said the incident happened on Friday night as the Land Rover and trailer returned from Llanberis towards Caernarfon.

A spokesperson for North Wales Police said: "We've spoken to Santa regarding reports of wet tissues being thrown towards the sleigh in Llanberis on Friday evening. Santa is assisting the local PCSO with enquiries to identify those involved. Throwing items at moving vehicles is dangerous and those involved will be spoken to by police and risk being added to the naughty list."

Meanwhile in Somerset, Santa is about to be evicted from his grotto because the elf 'n safety bods at the council have denied his planning permission.

Santa Claus is facing eviction from his Christmas grotto due to a row with the council over planning permission.

Planning officers at Somerset Council rejected the application on the basis that the grotto is in a rural location with no public transport links – meaning people would have to rely on private cars to get there – which they say is against 'planning policy'.

The application was backed by the local parish council and other councillors, so the grotto buildings were built onsite despite not obtaining planning permission.

The festive favourite was set up at a new site this year, which consists of two small wooden buildings located in Critchill Manor Estate – but the Somerset Council has threatened 'enforcement' to take down the buildings.

Santa's Grotto uses a booking system, meaning they only see six cars per hour on average.

In Lancashire, Santa has called the whole thing off at short notice because he just couldn't be arsed.

A popular Santa's Grotto event has been cancelled only days in advance after Father Christmas was "too busy".

Rawtenstall Market was meant to host Santa on Saturday – but in a statement on Facebook, organisers said the event has been cancelled due to "unforeseen circumstances entirely out of our control".

"Unfortunately, Santa has found himself a little too busy this year, and despite our best efforts, we cannot proceed with the planned festivities."

If you want a more reliable Santa, how would you like to hand over £179 per person to a hedge fund manager near Ascot? You might get to hobnob with Wills and Kate.

Lapland UK has become a festive phenomenon in recent years. A decade and a half after former hedge fund trader Mike Battle and his primary school teacher wife Alison launched the experience in Kent and, following a move to Ascot in Berkshire, it has gone from strength to strength.

A number of A-list visitors have headed to the Christmas wonderland including Prince William and Kate Middleton with their three children, the Beckhams, the Rooneys, Girls Aloud member Kimberley Walsh, Sir Elton John and David Furnish, Abbey Clancy, Joe Swash, Stacey Solomon and Tom Hardy.

The high cost of the entry and the clamour to get hold of a ticket has left some feeling as if the experience is not worth it. Disgruntled customers have taken to Tripadvisor to express their ill-feelings about Lapland UK.

"Disappointed. Complete waste of money. Don't need to spend almost £500 for your children to have a magical time. Plenty of other places I would have preferred to have taken my children for a magical day for a fraction of the price," one happy person wrote.

Any good bad Santa's grottos round your way?

[Terry Torpid]

I forgot my all time favourite, from a few years ago.

A DRIVE-THRU Santa Experience in County Limerick has been cancelled following major backlash from customers.

Local community page Limerick Now first raised concerns on Saturday evening after receiving dozens of reviews from angry customers, some of whom said their children questioned the very existence of Santa Claus as a result of the disastrous event.

"We got to pass maybe 5/6 tents of "elves" who were no more than 16," one person wrote to the page, adding the elves only asked the children if they were good this year or what Santa was bringing, a question "repeated every tent".

The cars had to queue again to meet Santa, who was allegedly a young teenage boy "with no belly", black hair and a plaster covering his eyebrow piercing.

"An elf banged on the car to pretend to put toys in the car and that was it... my kids asked many questions. My son even asked was that not the real Santa, why isn't the real Santa here!"

"There was no ginger bread houses no post office station, nothing. Not even a decoration."

Others claimed that the Drive-Thru's 'Grinch' game upset their children and made them think the Grinch had stolen their toys and they would receive nothing on Christmas Day.

Stating their event was "subject to the unforgiving cancel culture on social media", the organisers said they need to "put the safety [of] our actors first and some parents are not respecting social distancing".

[Captain Z]

Stating their event was "subject to the unforgiving cancel culture on social media"

Fair play, that is an absolutely brilliant bit of shithousery.

[Senior Baiano]

Santa is assisting the local PCSO with enquiries to identify those involved.

SANTER IS A GRASS

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

Fucking love shit grotto time. Highlight of last year's edition:

[Fambo Number Mive]

You do have to feel a bit sorry for the families though, trying to give their kids something to enjoy at Christmas. Another reason why I'm glad I don't have any children.

Imagine a Clowne Grotto.

[idunnosomename]

Fascinated by the fancy one. It's in an old conifer plantation between Ascot and Bracknell. The prices are a bit of an exaggeration, early in November it's £59 per person, but that of course means a minimum of £118 for parent and child (triple on Christmas Eve, obvs). Basically for that you get checked in, do two making activities with elves, get left in a central area with weather-permitting skating rink and fairly expensive food, then you have an appointment to meet Father Christmas who gives you two cuddy toys (per child, not adult, even though adult tickets are priced the same) and photo, then you get kicked out to the muddy car park, about three hours, total, barely a day out. Decent quality build of Christmas village etc, looks the part with the pines and real reindeer, but amazes me people do this sort of shit when they cant really afford it. A lot cheaper than real Lapland, though.

Horror stories of cabs refusing to pick people up so having to walk back in the dark to Ascot station. Now that's an adventure!

[Fambo Number Mive]

What happened to Santa at the local shopping centre, pay a fiver, sit next to Santa and get given a cheap present?

[Memorex MP3]

Have a friend whose sister went to one last year and thought it was so amazing she got the extended family to go this year. Somehow she didn't pick up on it being a heavily Christian one, so the rest of the family had a big falling out over it.


I guess it almost certainly wasn't a Santa grotto though, some kind of baby Jesus grotto maybe.

[Bartholomew J Krishna]

What happened to Santa at the local shopping centre, pay a fiver, sit next to Santa and get given a cheap present?

Santa's shoeless replacement in the Metrocentre, Gateshead.

He knows you've been naughty.

[Terry Torpid]

Wicklow Christmas Market

Wonderful market terrible santa

the elves in the Santa experience were lovely, they were fun and interacted well with the kids, mrs Claus was a bit of a let down, didn't have much Christmas spirit. Santa himself was the worst Santa I have been to in the 10years of bringing my kids.
Two minutes we were in with him, got one picture and were sent outside to collect the children's presents.
I never thought I would be pushed to write a bad review for a Santa experience but this oneefr me in disbelief, my daughter even said it on our hour drive home that Santa seemed in a rush.
After paying €250 for two families I am sickened and would advise anyone, it's a Santa experience but an experience for all the wrong reasons

Absolute sh*tshow

Disgusted of the behaviour of this company.
We went to see Santy on the 27th November, on the day, when we were getting a photo they were just taking 1 until we said we paid for 3. Then when we went to collect the pictures we were told the printer was broken and that the photos would be sent by post. We received 1 photo (one of the grandparents) by post and that was it.....why they 3 were not sent together I don't know.
For the last 3 weeks we have been back trying to get some sort of communication from this company, Electric Events, but we still waiting on a call from Vicky Johnson....
We even went down to Wicklow town again to speak to someone in person and was told Vicky wasnt there and provided a number to her office which she doesnt reply to. So now we are left in limbo with no photos and out of pocket.

Do not waste your money!!'

The worst Santa experience we have ever been to. The train ride was around a corner to a dark and dingy looking tent. There was no fan fair or fuss made of the kids getting on the train to get them excited. Mrs. Clause seemed irritated by younger kids who weren't listening to her story so she finished it early, there was no singalong with her and we were then rushed along into the elves "workshop" which was a few picnic tables with games on them which we didn't get to play as we were rushed onto Santa who told my son he wanted a twix and a Diet Coke under the tree and seemed extremely disinterested. We were ushered on from him after 2 mins and out the door to collect our photo which wasn't included in the extortionate price we already paid, i was appalled. And cheap looking presents were thrown at the kids by an elf. The whole thing lasted less than 20mins and you are turfed out on the street down the road from the market. It is an absolute scam for the amount of money charged and nothing like it is portrayed on the website. I was looking forward to celebrating my baby's first Christmas with his older brother, I am only glad he won't remember this Santa experience and hopefully the older one can block it out. An absolute joke

Terrible... A Santa who didn't want to be there

I felt compelled to write this review as honestly it was the WORST SANTA EXPERIENCE EVER!. I've children aged 13 down to 8 so I'm used to Santa experiences and this lot should be ashamed of themselves to be marketing and running this experience... or gimmick more like it. When we arrived the elves had to be prompted by a market employee/ volunteer to interact with the children - they didn't want to know them and seemed put out by it. The train ride was a minute long up a dark pathway, that had no lights, into a cold dark tent behind what seemed like an old warehouse. No decorations or no Christmassy feel at all. The worst part of all though was Santa - his beard was falling down, you could see his top lip it was that low. He kept pulling it up in front of the children and they were looking confused. He barely looked at the children, just asked them what they wanted, said right photo time... a 2 minute long meeting. We hadn't even left the room and Santa got up and walked off behind a curtain. No goodbye from him! While we were waiting for photo (€12 for a photo shoved into an envelope btw) a man stepped out from behind the curtain threw the newspaper under his arm and left ... it was the guy who was Santa! He didn't even wait for kids to be out of building. He was useless and didn't care, horrible guy to ruin the magic for kids like that. If he's not cut out to be patient and kind with kids just don't do the job. €150 we paid for this. Ms Claus was the only positive part of the experience. Absolute sham being run by a shower of scam artists. SAVE YOUR MONEY!!!

Absolutely awful

This was the worst santa experience we have ever been to, it was a total con from start to finish ,absolutely nothing like its portrayed on the website.The train is an old golf car and the carriages were cramped and had broken seats which my 8 year old daughter was asked to sit in .The train went down a dark lane and then into a tent which looked like it was part of a factory ,no decorations, no feeling of Christmas at all. When we eventually got to see santa his beard was falling off ,he greeted us with thanks for coming so late and said to my 3 Children to "stand over tell me your names and what you want for Christmas "We were then sent out into a dark lane .A total farse from start to finish poor kids were so defeated and disappointed, ruined their Christmas experience. Its a disgrace to call it a Santa Experience it was anything but that!.The people behind this event are not only robbing people of their hard earned money but also robbing children of their magical santa experience .

AVOID SANTA AND SKATING IN WICKLOW MARKETS

DO NOT WASTE YOUR HARD EARNED MONEY..
Ice Skating is not on ICE, its on hard plastic, like trying to skate on a butchers block!! Impossible to skate on and also if it's raining you won't be let skate. You will be offered another date to come and NO REFUND WILL BE GIVEN if soother date doesn't suit.

Santa Experience.. It was an experience alright but, not a good one!! The train part is lovely but only lasts around 3 minutes and Mrs Claus was nice. The Elves in the workshop where you can do arts and crafts etc were very good with the children and interacted nicely but then you get to meet the main man... The rudest Santa I have ever came across. He had no interest at all. He asked the kids ad he pointed at them, "What are you getting? And you? And you? Ok come on photo now. Let's go" All of 2 minutes I think and then into the room where your handed presents and you can get a photo for another €12.

When booking you have to fill out information about your kids, names, age etc sure Santa didn't care. He was so unprofessional, he just didn't want to be there and didn't want us there. This cost us a fortune. I feel so let down. Please don't anyone else waste your money.

We have been visiting different Santa's for 11 years now and I have never felt the need to write a bad review before.

AVOID

Please do not waste your money. This Santa experience is awful. Firstly the train brought us along a dark back road with nothing to see, then into a room where two elves bored everyone with their bad stories. From there we went into Mrs Claus who tried her best to speak to the children but had to fill so much time before we could go into see Santa that the children got bored. Then onto Santa who quickly sped through talking to the children and after that into a back room to collect a present. The whole thing was a total rip off, we paid €101.00 for 2ad + 2ch, including a bad photo. Then we exited into a back alley where Mrs Claus was out having a cigarette. Very disappointed with the whole thing. AVOID, AVOID, AVOID

DAYLIGHT ROBBERY. AVOID.

I never ever thought I would be writing a bad review about a Santa visit but I feel like I can't not it was that bad. Over 100 euro for THAT?! Seriously?? ... that is all me and my husband kept saying to each other after the Santa experience it was that bad, and keep in mind we're at a week after their visit now and we're still saying how bad it was. I agree with all the below reviews about the whole experience, - the train, the unprepared/unenthusiastic staff, the present, Mrs Claus being rude and AGAIN my kids walking out from their 'Santa visit' to the back alley mentioned to see Mrs Claus smoking outside... I mean seriously??? we're talking about an event for kids here who believe in Santa and mrs Claus and elves and they go out to see the horribly attituded 'Mrs Claus' smoking saying 'howiyas' .. no consideration for their little innocence, no effort into keeping the magic alive for them and my little boy who's only 6 has been asking since that day 'is it just the mammies and daddies who buy all the kids presents for Christmas and not santy' and who could blame him I'd be questioning if santy was real or not too after that absolute shambles of a day. So so so terribly run, nothing at all like all the social media posts portray it to be. The 'station' for the train HA my god. Drove an hour for this and I honestly don't know how anyone could give it a good review. Nobody even directing you to where the 'train' was for the Santa visit... wasn't even anyone at counter/window for it so anyone could have walked in. It was all so bad but probably the worst part for me was the meeting santa part (the main part). After you get off the train your brought into a room, with loads of other families to two elves, then into the next little room to Mrs Claus and again with all the other families- and I thought right surely this is the last bit where we have to be here with so many other people, surely the santa visit itself with the big man himself is private (considering the amount of money it cost), but no once again we were brought in to visit santa with loads of other parents and kids. Everyone going up family by family so their kids could talk to Santa for two minutes. Now I don't know about anyone else but this really annoyed me and from what I could see annoyed other parents too, surely for the money and for privacy sake the kids should have gotten 1:1 time with Santa at the very least without having to share their experience with a room packed full of strangers watching them and listening to them, especially considering there are kids , a lot of kids, who can be shy or don't like having attention on them or don't cope well in crowds - this would be extremely upsetting and uncomfortable for them and without a doubt leave them very disappointed, as it did with my two kids. After the visit my poor son even said 'ehh is that it mammy?' (and my son is a very grateful,very very easily pleased little boy). I think I've gone on and on enough here, but I don't want anyone to be left feeling completely robbed and disappointed like we did. They should be ashamed of themselves charging people that kind of money for that

There seems to be a strong correlation between parents falling for this rubbish, and terrible spelling, grammar and formatting.

[Senior Baiano]

Mrs. Clause seemed irritated by younger kids who weren't listening to her story so she finished it early

Fair fuckin fucks to her for this

[idunnosomename]

Have a friend whose sister went to one last year and thought it was so amazing she got the extended family to go this year. Somehow she didn't pick up on it being a heavily Christian one, so the rest of the family had a big falling out over it.


I guess it almost certainly wasn't a Santa grotto though, some kind of baby Jesus grotto maybe.

funnily enough, the purported birthplace of Jesus is called "the Grotto of the Nativity". Constantine had a church built over it and the church over it in Bethlehem, Palestine today is basically a 6th century building.

In Byzantine icongraphy the nativity always shown in a cave. This is a 14th century fresco from Greece, but you can go centuries either side and it will look the same.



Sorry. Back from the West Bank to the shit industrial estate sheds.

[Ferris]

There was a belter a few years ago with elves smoking cigs and Santa on the pop.

Will have to find that, brilliant bit of deso.

[Terry Torpid]

Jervis Shopping Centre

terrible santa!!!

went to visit santa with my friend (both of us are mid-late teens, didnt think there would be a problem with this as we are both paying customers who wanted to talk to santa), he told us to sit down for the photo and then immediately told us to leave through a door. we both tried talking to him, genuinely, not trying to cause trouble, but he completely disregarded us and told us to leave. no hellos, goodbyes, merry christmas, no asking our names or nothing. SO disappointed, especially after paying for a ticket in advance AND waiting in a queue. i hope he didnt treat other children like this, as this would genuinely shatter me if i was younger. picture was decent and elves were pleasant, but i totally want a refund :/

[idunnosomename]

elves were pleasant

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Santa's grotty.

https://www.instagram.com/historyphotographed/p/C09_TCtyQ4t/

[Tikwid]

Let's not forget the grottiest of all grottos, Lapland New Forest:

Upon opening on 28 November 2008, the park received a great deal of criticism in the United Kingdom due to the extremely poor quality of its attractions; the nativity scene was a crudely painted billboard that could be seen across a muddy field, the 'magical tunnel of light' was a line of trees with fairy lights dangling from them, the ice rink had melted due to a faulty generator, the 'log cabins' were empty garden sheds, the Christmas market consisted of only four stalls and required an extra fee to enter, husky dogs and reindeer were mistreated and tethered in muddy conditions, and Santa's grotto was a very badly decorated cabin.

Children who had looked forward to the event were reduced to tears, especially when Santa was caught smoking. Violence began flaring up between visitors and workers, including an elf who was slapped and yelled at by a mother who complained about the event, two fathers brawling in the Gingerbread house, and Santa being punched in the face by a father who became furious after being told his children were not allowed to sit on Santa's lap despite waiting in a four hour-long line; a worker dressed up as a snowman received so much verbal abuse that he eventually walked off in full costume.

50,000 tickets were sold in advance, with ticket prices beginning at £25. Over £1.2 million had been made in total. After being open for less than one week the park closed and its website was removed. In February 2011, Victor and Henry Mears, the brothers who ran the park, were found guilty of misleading advertising, and were jailed for 13 months each in March 2011.

[jamiefairlie]

Santa's shoeless replacement in the Metrocentre, Gateshead.

He knows you've been naughty.

He certainly has

[idunnosomename]

missed off there the Mears Bros had their convictions quashed in Oct 2011 after a juror had been found to have been texting and a retrial was too expensive.

[elliszeroed]

The only thing comparable is the people who pay a local pub for a christmas dinner, and find the turkey raw, the carrots rock hard, the potatoes fried and the gravy stone cold. Although that can straddle the line between funny, depressing and anger-inducing.

[touchingcloth]

One time I met Santa and I shat on his knee.

[Ferris]

missed off there the Mears Bros had their convictions quashed in Oct 2011 after a juror had been found to have been texting and a retrial was too expensive.

Get in!!

If you pay for one of these things, you're asking to be ripped off. You can't go to a restaurant and ask for a refund (and jail the owners) because you thought the steak was overdone.

More power to their fraudulent elbows, I say. In fact, I hope they sued Dorset council for making them do bird when the convictions were as dodgy as they were.

[Noodle Lizard]

Love the tradition of poor-quality winter wonderland attractions coming along and "ruining Christmas". The photos, the testimonies from "distraught customers", the inevitable financial malfeasance ... brilliant.

I remember this one being a highlight: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2871370/New-winter-blunderland-tourist-attraction-closes-day-following-barrage-complaints-parents.html

[simon templar]

When since did santa live in a gingerbread house? Isn't that the witch from Hansel and Gretel

[checkoutgirl]

What happened to Santa at the local shopping centre, pay a fiver, sit next to Santa and get given a cheap present?

That's what I was thinking. Couple of quid, shit pressie, rubbish grotto, photo on Santa's lap, 3 minutes. Done. Even when I was a tiny child, not sure if I'd want elves, reindeer and all that.

The minimum a kid would expect is a fat middle aged man with a white beard and some sort of costume. A teenager with an eyebrow piercing is just confusing.

[The Mollusk]

A teenager with an eyebrow piercing is just confusing.

We don't actually know that's not what Santa looks like though. Think about it.

[idunnosomename]

From that 2014 Mail story regarding Milton Keynes

Santa's Grotto was said to be staffed by young, thin men and an ice rink was described as 'a few plastic sheets'.

Is there something unfestive about young, thin men? I don't think elves are old and fat. They're thinking of dwarves.

[KennyMonster]

Not a grotty Grotto but this one had me sniggering in public as I listened to Three Bean Salad podcast a couple of years ago.

https://www.joe.co.uk/news/mum-spends-85-on-a-grinch-visit-for-him-to-trash-house-and-pour-juice-on-son-306411

Mum spends £85 on a 'Grinch visit' for him to trash house and pour juice on son

[Jerzy Bondov]

parents are absolutely off their nuts trying to do too much Santa shit these days man. it's WILD! now you've got to have a little elf in your house and secretly move it around so they think it's getting into mad scrapes all night. now you've got to go to LAPLAND (in car park) and meet more elves (who look different to the one back in your house) and then Mrs Claus and then Santa, AND get a present even though he's meant to bring them down chimney on the night. now you've got to put all footprints in your house and have a bell going off and fuck knows what else.

take it from a lifelong pathological liar, the more elements you add to your lie the quicker it's getting RUMBLED. if you have an elf on shelf you are asking to be RUMBLED. drive to Santa's shite grotto, RUMBLED. Keep it simple and you'll have them believing in Santa long into their forties and god bless