Satan On The Tube

[Small Man Big Horse]

I saw this advert earlier:



And I was wondering, is that accurate? Is Satan unfairly portrayed? Would he really rate it zero stars give how much misery and cruelty the bible has caused? The more I think about it I reckon he'd at least give it two stars, but then again I've only seen the movie version so could be very, very wrong about this.

[JesusAndYourBush]

Satan punishes bad people, right?
So doesn't that mean he's a good guy?

[Sebastian Cobb]

Don't want to be all Richard Dawkins about this but maybe advertising on the tube should be secular.

Oh actually that's not like Dawkins at all, 'cos he put hectoring adverts on buses.

[Mr Trumpet]

I went out with someone who told me she was formerly a fairly hardcore Christian, but it was finally sitting down to read the Bible that changed her mind. She went a bit too far the other way IMO, didn't appreciate me telling her that.

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

Just checked some of Satan's other reviews and he's given Ricky Gervais' After Life five stars ("loved this from start to finish, it'll make you laugh out loud, and it'll make you cry too. He's a genius and I'm not surprised the woke pronouns pc police don't like it"), so maybe we should take this with a pinch of salt and the bible is a great bit of holiday reading

[madhair60]

i think the bible and christianity is a bunch of made up hooey - jus sayin!

[popcorn]

You can't give something zero stars it has to be 1 to 5

[Small Man Big Horse]

Satan punishes bad people, right?
So doesn't that mean he's a good guy?

That's a good point, and in various comics / films / tv shows if he quits running Hell it rarely ends well.

You can't give something zero stars it has to be 1 to 5

That's not what my review of Rosie Holt says.

[madhair60]

You can't give something zero stars it has to be 1 to 5

satan has magic powers. he can even do minus stars

[BlodwynPig]

You can't give something zero stars it has to be 1 to 5

5 bags of popcorn.

[badaids]

That add breaks all GDPR rules, if I were Satan and they hadn't asked permissison to use my post, I'd sue.

[imitationleather]

Satan is aware it is only cos of Christians he's still relevant.

Say what you like about Satan, but he knows which side his bread is buttered on.

[Buelligan]

I hear he was on the tannoy leading passengers in Free Palestine chants and all. 

[Terence Bowl]

I think I remember that, didn't he do a duet with Tom Jones then storm out of the interview when Paula Yates called him a silly red twat?

[thenoise]

The hands of the tormented reaching up from the firey pit is a nice touch.

[Russ L]

Going to and fro on the Bakerloo line, and riding up and down on it.

[madhair60]

[Aaron500]

Satan wouldn't need to read the bible, he's a recurring character in the whole thing so he would know all about what happened. And he's omnimalevolent so he'd know about shit that happened even if he wasn't recorded as being there.

Unless he thinks he's been misrepresented or libelled, in which case consulting his lawyers would be a better course of action than leaving malicious reviews on the internet.

[flotemysost]

Guess he probably wasn't travelling to ANGEL, PARSONS Green, GOSPEL Oak or NUNhead eh??

I reckon if Satan was leaving online reviews they'd be even more low-effort and unhelpful than this - five stars but then "hasn't arrived yet" or "bought for wife"

[Buelligan]

Terrible FUCKING Language staff?  Working from home and everything, deserve all they get, the cunts.

[Clatty McCutcheon]

It's possible that Satan's bad review was just for the Bible App rather than the Bible itself. He might just have an out-of-date smartphone that doesn't support the app's full functionality.

[Buelligan]

He invariably lies too.  Problematic, that, when giving reviews. I'm guessing he fucking loves the Bible and its more accessible version, the Bible App.

[Norton Canes]

Never trust pitchfork reviews.

[Underturd]

Do you reckon he ever reviews all the best tunes he's supposed to have?

[Butchers Blind]

Satan is entitled to his opinions.

[Buelligan]

He's behind you, when it's crowded, cutting your hair in a hitler-style.

[Underturd]

Satan is entitled to his opinions.

Is he, though? What if he keeps being wrong on the Internet?

[touchingcloth]

Satan punishes bad people, right?
So doesn't that mean he's a good guy?

I expect Heaven's relationship with Hell is complicated due to things like this. It's a lot like how the British government treats Kenya.

[lauraxsynthesis]

Thing is, app quality is more about functionality than content so I reckon Bible App have shot themselves in the foot here.

[touchingcloth]

He scarce had ceas't when the superiour Fiend
Was moving toward the shoar; his ponderous balls
Ethereal temper, massy, large and round,