A&E sweepstake

[Vodkafone]

I'm just rocking up to one of those sleek, efficient A&E departments we have now so let's have a sweepstake on how long until I get out of there. Apparently they describe their relatively quiet and busy periods as "battle rhythms", so I'm interested to see if Thursday morning is a lull in the conflict or not. If there are any absolute wallopers in, I'll be sure to let you know.

[Vodkafone]

Got a seat by a charging socket so already fucking winning

[hamfist]

You'll be "dealt with" almost comedically fast. Like 14 hours or something, really quick.

[Zetetic]

It depends whether you're a malingerer or you're having a heart attack, or a malingerer pretending to have a heart attack.

[Norton Canes]

On top of whatever the actual problem is, you've told them your head hurts, right?

[Alberon]

About two years ago I was there with my mum because she had been scratched by her cat and her hand was infected. It was a sunday and we were there about nine hours. As the morning progressed there was a wave of sports injuries coming in.

Just be thankful you're not there on a saturday night, I suppose.

[Vodkafone]

It depends whether you're a malingerer or you're having a heart attack, or a malingerer pretending to have a heart attack.

I'm in for an ECG so the jury's out on that one. I like the word 'malingerer' so I could go for that.

[bgmnts]

Hope you're alright and/or get better soon!

[Shaxberd]

Good luck mate. I'm going to be an optimist and say two hours.

I've been to A&E twice in my life. One time it was early on a weekday morning and I visibly had blood all over my shirt so I was seen in about half an hour; the second time I went around 6pm, the place was rammed, and I didn't get home until 2am. You roll the dice and take your chances.

[Vodkafone]

Last time I was here was with someone alcohol dependent who had run out of money to buy booze and was at risk of withdrawal seizures, which carry quite a high mortality risk. Took about five hours before the doctors accepted that discharging them home was a possible death sentence and admitted them for a detox. It was busier then so fingers crossed.

[jobotic]

4 hours for my last visit. I did get there at 6am though.

Nit bad considering that despite being in agonising pain I wasn't about to die or anything.

All they did was give me painkillers and it still hurts months later though.

[BlodwynPig]

Depending on what you are in for, it can be quite jarring if you are sent from a heaving triage area to one of the quieter, darker corners of the hospital for an x-ray or similar. Unnerving.

From experience, ECG is usually 4 - 9 hours. Probably <4 on a Thursday.

[boki]

This beloved contributor fixed yet?

[Brian Freeze]

Best wishes vodkaphone x

I bust up a little finger a few weeks ago, at work on a Friday night and going for an x-ray there and then was not a sensible option.

Still bent to fuck but have the opportunity to make an appointment to get it seen by ringing up in 6 working days time.

Which is still quicker than our Friday night A+E would have been.

[Vodkafone]

Depending on what you are in for, it can be quite jarring if you are sent from a heaving triage area to one of the quieter, darker corners of the hospital for an x-ray or similar. Unnerving.

From experience, ECG is usually 4 - 9 hours. Probably <4 on a Thursday.

Under four hours would be nice, especially if it turns out to be muscular and then I can go home and munch some opiates and benzos and make the pain go away.

[Vodkafone]

1.25 hours and had my ECG and bloods taken, now waiting for consultant. Seems very quick so far.

[Butchers Blind]

Dead soon.

[lauraxsynthesis]

Phew glad it's not a long one this time! About 20 years ago I went into Edinburgh Royal Infirmary on a Sunday morning and just walked straight through - no one else waiting at all. Makes me wonder if next time I need A&E it would be faster to take the train up there than try my luck in South London. Once spent 8 hours in St Thomas'

[Vodkafone]

Very on it so far, gotta have multiple ECGs to rule out heart attack but so far it has been pretty sleek and efficient, despite my initial cynicism. I'm afraid you'll all have to wait longer before I'm brown bread

[Mr_Simnock]

Once spent 8 hours in St Thomas'

I bet you did etc ...

[drummersaredeaf]

Hope you're alright and/or get better soon!

Let's wait to confirm it's not an arse/forceps situation before we get too generous with the arm around the shoulder.

[Mr_Simnock]

Very on it so far, gotta have multiple ECGs to rule out heart attack but so far it has been pretty sleek and efficient, despite my initial cynicism. I'm afraid you'll all have to wait longer before I'm brown bread

I take it these will be had today and follow ups after? How is it still going? Managed a cheeky wank in the toilets yet?

[Vodkafone]

I take it these will be had today and follow ups after? How is it still going? Managed a cheeky wank in the toilets yet?

Yeah just waiting for bloods results and if all ok as expected can then go home. Will be about 7 hours in all but most of that was assessment and treatment, only an hour and a quarter of actual waiting in A&E, which seems incredible. So @Shaxberd wins the kudos. The staff have been great all round so I'll let the NHS off for saving Boris Johnson's life.

No chekky wank. Even if I was up for it, I don't think I'd manage - while waiting for bloods I seem to have been moved to the Shitting & Vomiting ward.

[Dex Sawash]

Not my favorite TV network tbh

[Jockice]

Just be thankful you're not there on a saturday night, I suppose.

Try it in the early hours of New Year's Day, when you're actually sober and only there because a not sober stranger had decided to fall down a flight of stairs, land on top of you and fuck off never to be seen again.

I don't make any great claims of eloquence but I was probably the only patient in the whole place who could actually still speak. One of the doctors was wearing a headband with 'war zone' written across it.

My last visit about seven years ago was in the early hours of a Monday morning, after I dislocated a finger by leaning too hard on a wall on my way to bed. That was fairly quiet and easy although it later turned out I'd left literally a couple of minutes before a friend of mine turned up with chest pains that turned out to be a heart attack.

Good luck Vodkaphone.