What are your personal experiences of the police?

[jfjnpxmy]

I get involved with the police a lot, on account of moving in some dodgy circles. First major encounter, a dude attacked me, in front of about 8 witnesses. The police arrive, and I'm pissing blood from one eyebrow, he's bleeding profusely from the mouth and there's people holding him back while he screams he's going to kill me, and I'm having a can of Pepsi to calm my nerves. PC Michelle Squire arrives, doesn't bother taking any statements from anyone, doesn't even ask what happened, just gives me one of those on the spot fines for breach of the peace. When I ask about, you know, getting the bugger charged for assault, she flat out refuses, and then tells me "don't bother taking it up with another officer, either, I'm going to put the word out". When I say I'm not paying the breach of the peace fine, she says "Oh you better not protest it, the procurator fiscal doesn't take kindly to shit like that". When, two days later, I'd stopped bellowing with rage and tried to get her hunted, I was flat out stonewalled. Later I found out the fellow who attacked me was a police informant, and basically used his position to be a violent cunt to anyone he felt like, and get away with it. PC Michelle Squire was, as I understand, fired some time later.

Second major encounter, I had some stalker related issues. Some unfortunate schizophrenic had been told by God that my t-shirts were secret code that I loved her, and my starsign meant I would be great in the sack. She starts sending me stuff, little gifts and books and shit, then weird letters, then starts threatening women who know me. On two occasions the police had to manually carry her out of my place of work, and she started hassling me in the street, screaming that I was a cunt who was too scared to admit I love her. She phoned my boss on one occasion to tell her I wasn't coming in to work because I was busy fucking her in the shitter, and on another went for my mother. I kept going to the police through all of this, over a 7 month period, and only when I came in with a blood-soaked Nerf hammer she had sent me did they bother their arses to investigate. And the whole time they were incredibly rude and abusive, making jokes about how someone as ugly as me should be glad of the attention, and how it would be easy to find her because she's a deaf dumb and blind woman. I'm not even particularly ugly.

Working in a chippy in a sink estate, was the target of a gang of young buggers who felt that my refusal to let them sexually harass my co-workers, abuse customers and hang around all night playing loud music on their phones while they gobbed on the floor constituted disrespect. Was attacked on several occasions, and each time was given a "verbal caution" for going too far with the self defence. When one little fucker grabbed my co-worker - a 65 year old woman - by the cast on her recently broken wrist and kept slamming it on the counter "for a laugh, like", and I stopped him doing so by breaking his nose with a stool, I was taken in and questioned for about an hour, and it was heavily implied that I was a paedophile. On another occasion working in the place, two cunts broke in and stole all the stuff from the store cupboard. CCTV footage and eyewitness testimony was available, they did fuck all. When I kept badgering the police about actually coming out to break up the (three times a week) riots outside the shop where they'd demolish public property, threaten people and abuse the residents of the nearby houses, I was eventually taken aside by one officer, who pointed out the CCTV blank spots, advised me that I "could obviously handle the situation" and tipped me a wink.

Also, one time when my car stereo got stolen, they had me drive my car, on a freezing winter morning, to the depot four miles away where they keep cars that the forensics folks are going to go over. They promised me a lift back. Then disappeared, leaving me in a fucking exposed depot on a morning that I later found out was -8 degrees, with no jacket and no phone. When I phoned up, two weeks later, to see if they'd caught the guy I was informed they had, but my window to press charges was closed. When asked why nobody contacted me, they told me the officer in charge of the case had gone on holiday.

Police I know personally, one is the happiest and cheeriest soul in the world, who joined out of a genuine desire to help people, views everyone, even people who do some reprehensible things, as having the potential to do good, is beloved by most of the community and regularly laments the attitudes of his co-workers. The other is a foul mouthed and angry bully who holds on to submissions even after his uke has tapped and cheats if he can't win grappling exchanges by kneeing people in the crotch and trying to gouge eyes.

Weirdly, all the traffic police around here are really nice. Calm, friendly, and fair. I can honestly say I've never encountered one who wasn't an absolutely charming and professional person. And I say that about ones who've caught me, let alone the ones who've let me off. An absolutely smashing bunch, and a credit to the seeming cavalcade of bastards that is Tayside Police.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Lots of quite harrowing stuff.

Christ, that's just really bleak, I've heard various stories in my time but you've suffered and then some.

PC Michelle Squire arrives, doesn't bother taking any statements from anyone, doesn't even ask what happened, just gives me one of those on the spot fines for breach of the peace. When I ask about, you know, getting the bugger charged for assault, she flat out refuses, and then tells me "don't bother taking it up with another officer, either, I'm going to put the word out". When I say I'm not paying the breach of the peace fine, she says "Oh you better not protest it, the procurator fiscal doesn't take kindly to shit like that". When, two days later, I'd stopped bellowing with rage and tried to get her hunted, I was flat out stonewalled. Later I found out the fellow who attacked me was a police informant, and basically used his position to be a violent cunt to anyone he felt like, and get away with it. PC Michelle Squire was, as I understand, fired some time later.

Though it might cheer you up to know that someone jumped on her head a few years back: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/tayside_and_central/6408675.stm

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

She phoned my boss on one occasion to tell her I wasn't coming in to work because I was busy fucking her in the shitter

That's so conscientious. Although you should've been a man and phoned her yourself.

[CaledonianGonzo]

Cripes indeed.

Er - my story about how a policeman just invited me to go and see Mark Watson with him in Inverness has now lost some of its sting.

[CaledonianGonzo]

Experiences with Foreign Police #1 - India

On being pick-pocketed by a child at a busy crossroads in Mumbai, I spent an afternoon waiting on Maharashtra's finest to process the crime.  Whilst there, they served me copious cups of Masala chai, got me to help them with their English in their letters home to their mothers, took the piss out of the fact that I knew nothing about cricket, asked me about whether we had monkeys in Scotland and subjected me to a lengthy history lesson about the injustices that followed the 1947 partition of India and Pakistan.

Eventually to pass the time I ended up showing them some card tricks and telling them dirty jokes that they could share with their friends, by which time the crime form had finally been filled in so they bought me a curry and drove me back to my guesthouse.

I'd only lost a tenner, too.

So, it's not all like Slumdog Millionaire, you know.

Up next - Russia!  (Not so friendly)

[Famous Mortimer]

Police are part and parcel of the communities they serve.  If there are cunts amongst them, it's because there are cunts amongst the general public.  We get the police we deserve.

I think the job breeds a certain type of mentality - canteen culture and all that (although obviously not all of them are like that). I did loads of police-y things on my degree, and while I don't remember the specifics, I remember quite a lot on psychological studies of officers and that.

[jfjnpxmy]

Christ, that's just really bleak, I've heard various stories in my time but you've suffered and then some.

I wouldn't say I've "suffered", it's just some stuff that happened that was a bit shitty. On the whole my life's been pretty pleasant and uneventful, and it's just the encounters with the police that were rubbish. About the only thing that really bothered me was the policeman winking and heavily hinting that I should go out and bust skulls rather than involve the police. Like, it was tempting, but ultimately battering the little sods would've just made the situation worse. Which isn't even addressing the fact that they run faster than I do, and if I'm at work I'll be working, and wanting to be wasting time chasing teenagers.

FUN FACT: Eventually I twigged on how to get rid of the nasty little cunts. Bribe some of the scarier ones with a couple of fish suppers a week to keep the rest away, and have traditional Scottish country music playing non-stop. Hanging around a chippie blaring techno from your phone might be cool, listening to the music your granny likes is less so. Plus, the soothing sounds of Jimmy Shand brought in the old folks for their single fish and mushy peas like nobody's business.

Though it might cheer you up to know that someone jumped on her head a few years back: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/tayside_and_central/6408675.stm

Indeed it did! Also, shortly after she returned to duty from getting jumped on, she was chasing some fellow outside a nightclub and fell on a big dog turd in front of, like, 50 people. It was awesome.

EDIT: Also, if you want to get really particular, my first ever encounter with the po-lizzy was getting lost in Glasgow when I was 7, and the nice policeman gave me a can of Pepsi, a doughnut and a Beano, and let me play with a riot shield and baton while we waited for my parents to come pick me up. So that guy was pretty cool.

[23 Daves]

A big problem seems to be that the police are ridiculously over-worked at the moment, and so the only encounters innocent members of the public (if there are any such fish out there) have with them are for minor crimes they've been a victim of - which the police couldn't care less about - or being stopped by them or incorrectly arrested by them.

If the only police experiences you've grown up with have been the times you've been inconvenienced by them, and the times you've been blithely ignored by them, you're never going to have a rosy picture.  A lot of work needs to be done to mend the image they presently have with the public, especially here in London (and no doubt other major cities, although I wouldn't feel as confident speaking on their behalf).

There are also two policemen who stand guarding the vehicle entrance at the Houses of Parliament, and they're always a pair of jesters.  I was halfway across the entrance point yesterday when they started roaring "Stay on the pavement!!! Get out of the way!!! STAY ON THE PAVEMENT!!!" at me, causing me to dart in a panic (being halfway across already, what else could I do?).  Who could this approaching VIP be, I thought?  Of course, it was a man in a van with some repair equipment.  That's one step down from the Liberal Democrat Backbench MP for Shirehorse Point, which is who their rumpus usually seems to be about. 

[Noodle Lizard]

I want to like them a lot more than I've been forced to.  Sadly, my experiences with them have been nothing but negative.

A lot of them seem impotent to deal with anything substantial, but will be more than happy to stop a cyclist riding without lights attached to his bike (even though it's broad daylight) and fine him £30.

[Groodle]

Second major encounter, I had some stalker related issues. Some unfortunate schizophrenic had been told by God that my t-shirts were secret code that I loved her, and my starsign meant I would be great in the sack. She starts sending me stuff, little gifts and books and shit, then weird letters, then starts threatening women who know me. On two occasions the police had to manually carry her out of my place of work, and she started hassling me in the street, screaming that I was a cunt who was too scared to admit I love her. She phoned my boss on one occasion to tell her I wasn't coming in to work because I was busy fucking her in the shitter, and on another went for my mother. I kept going to the police through all of this, over a 7 month period, and only when I came in with a blood-soaked Nerf hammer she had sent me did they bother their arses to investigate. And the whole time they were incredibly rude and abusive, making jokes about how someone as ugly as me should be glad of the attention, and how it would be easy to find her because she's a deaf dumb and blind woman. I'm not even particularly ugly.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotomania

You should feel special.

[Zetetic]

I think the job breeds a certain type of mentality - canteen culture and all that (although obviously not all of them are like that). I did loads of police-y things on my degree, and while I don't remember the specifics, I remember quite a lot on psychological studies of officers and that.

It's also that the job attracts those who are already attracted to power. (See Priesthood, Ireland.)