A thread for moaning on and on about how the Marvel films are shite

[Famous Mortimer]

Thread for boring wankers to fellate Marvel, coming soon

[mothman]

Reading the responses to Eternals, I'm once again wondering whether lightning can really strike twice here. While the Infinity Saga was one hell of an achievement in itself - to construct a twenty-film arc often depending on superheroes lesser known to the wider public, make it work and by and large hold together and overcome one or two missteps along the way? But now they want to do it again. And again. And...

I'm no Marvel naysayer. But I don't like doing the same things over and over. It's why I don't watch soap operas. Why I'm happy with TV shows I actually like ending eventually. I quite liked, say, NCIS when it started (this was 2004, mind, I was a different person then); I don't want to watch EIGHTEEN SEASONS of it though - and I haven't.

I'm not a comic book reader. I don't know whether such people ever get fed up of the stories coming one after another and going on forever; maybe eventually all but the most ardent fans tire of it, I don't know. And maybe cinema goers will to, when these colossi span the release schedules without end in sight. I've really no opinion on whether Marvel films' very existence prevents the production of "better" more meaningful films.

And I really don't want to be in my eighties and wondering whether I'll be spared... long enough to catch the culmination of the seven-film Marvel Phase Twenty-Three "Crisis On Infinite Earths" arc. That would be well deso.

(and yes I know that's DC, I couldn't think of a Marvel equivalent)

[sutin]

I've never understood why these kind of movies are entertainment. I sat through all of Guardians Of The Galaxy and  X-Men 2 (I got dragged to the cinema both times) and it was absolute torture. Boring, confusing, annoying, pointless, joyless slop. Fuck off "Marvel".

(I don't know if X Men is Marvel but let's just assume it is).

[bgmnts]

Those were Marvel films but almost a decade before what is considered MCU (right?)

I actually quite like some of those.

Blade, X Men, Spiderman. All pretty good comic book stuff.

[sutin]

What does MCU stand for? Massive Crap... Unlimited?

I saw that X Man thing in 2004, I remember Johnny Scissorhands being in it, that's about it.

Guardians Of The Galaxy is the 2nd worst film i've ever seen in my entire life (Grease is number one). None of it made sense and I couldn't understand why Andy from Parks & Recreation wouldn't kick that rodent to death.

Comic book movies were fine when I was a kid. Superman, Batman etc. in the '80s. I wasn't into them but they didn't actively confuse and bore me.

[Catalogue Trousers]

Marvel films are fine as long as you only watch two or three decent ones. The first Iron Man and Guardians Of The Galaxy, the first Black Panther, which if nothing else looks gorgeous (set and costume design, I'm thinking of in particular).

What I don't like is the wanky way that film after film after film vaguely interweaves so that you have to watch every single fecking one until it all supposedly pays off in a piece of overblown shite like Endgame, which we're all expected to treat as the greatest cinematic experience fucking ever. Screw that shite sideways with a rusty chainsaw.

Like the DC films, you're best off picking and choosing. No need to watch any of Snyder's Batman/Superman twattery, but, if you decide not to watch Shazam!, then you're missing out on a marvellous, joyous film.

[13 schoolyards]

I reckon it's that sense of obligation that pisses a lot of the non-fans off.

Individually the films are usually at least ok and often better, and they vary them up enough that it doesn't really feel like you're watching the exact same thing over and over - but they are still pretty similar, and for a sizeable chunk of the audience maybe one a year would be plenty. But no, they're all tied in so you have to watch two or three a year every year (plus the television series) or you'll lose your place and when a good one you want to see comes along you'll have no idea what's happening.

That said, even at Eternals there was a lot of the audience who headed for the exits the second the credits began - at a Marvel movie, the franchise build on post-credit scenes - so maybe most people don't give a shit how it all fits together

[AllisonSays]

I feel like there are almost no films out that I want to watch, ever, and when there is they're on in the cinema for about 3 days, while the Marvel/DC edifice rumbles on. I'm insufficiently knowledgeable about the political economy of films to say there's a causal relation there but it feels like they stuck some of the air out of the room. Obviously I don't care what other people like - I watch loads of topflight football which is objectively more evil than comic book film franchises - but yeah, that's how I feel about them.

[wooders1978]

A few good ones in a sea of shite is my feedback - quite glad they are over but I enjoyed the guardians ones so glad their will be a third

[The Mollusk]

Weedy looking English office workers in ripped jeans sipping half pints of artisan beer in poncy bars on about
gritty looking Polish labourers in paint stained trackies drinking cans of Zubr on street corners on about the macabre wit of Deadpool and the size of Thor's hammer, fucking state of it

I don't work in an office.

[Lord Mandrake]

I don't work in an office.

I know 3 Polish guy's, none labourers.

[The Mollusk]

Yes I also know Polish people who aren't labourers what's your point

[Goldentony]

three polish guys what

[Chedney Honks]

One of the unfortunate things about the PS5 is all the time and money and talent which will be spent on first party marvel games over the next few years, rather than original ideas. That's actually a sincere complaint. There's only so many first party studios and dev teams. Having two big marvel games in the pipeline will make for an even narrower list of major releases I'm interested in. I don't feel the same way about films because I'm rarely interested in the major contemporary releases, anyway. Most of the films I watch are more than twenty years old. Conversely, I am very interested in modern games.

[dissolute ocelot]

They definitely have worked out the art of cynically tying the films together so there are bits you won't understand unless you've seen all the others. You can skip the post-credits sequence but not the other stuff. There are some films which are very deeply steeped in the whole narrative, like Infinity Wars/Endgame and the Captain America series which interlinked with them, and I guess some people want an episodic narrative. But there are ones like Shang-Chi, Ant-Man, Dr Strange, Spiderman: Homecoming, etc, where the wider Marvel universe is largely extraneous, and you should be able to watch and enjoy them on their own, but they won't let it lie.

The whole Infinity Wars/Endgame "everyone dying" thing seemed to require every other film to acknowledge it, hopefully they'll get over that soon, but they'll probably find something else to link every single film together. Maybe this will be the undoing of it, and people who haven't bothered to go see Eternals won't bother going to see Eternals 2 or the other films that lean on it, and the franchise will fall over that way, or return to something more standalone (as happened with DC - people watching Wonder Woman or Aquaman won't necessarily have seen Batman vs Superman or Justice League).

[madhair60]

New spiderman movie looks like utterly relentless dog shit for the most undiscerning idiot audience possible
REMEMBER THIS THING????

[Cuellar]

Why didn't Antman just become so big he could step on Thanos as if twere nothing

[Replies From View]

Why didn't Antman just become so big he could step on Thanos as if twere nothing

Because he is sexually aroused by the endless possibility that somebody might collect him up into their anus and atomise him there.  A dream that can never come true for giants!!

[Captain Z]

I like the ending of these films where everyone flies around in the air fighting the big bad.

Pretty much sums up my feelings. I just don't understand how you could get invested in such a film - you know the good guy is going to win at the end. Yes, you could say the same about any typical action (or most other genres of) film, but those tend to be based in a world where certain laws of physics and human nature apply and there's suspense in working out how a situation will be resolved. In a superhero movie, you just know the goodie is going to have exactly the right magic superpower to defeat the big baddie at exactly the right moment, all while jumping through portals, flying around in some impossible gadget suit and surviving multiple should-be-fatal attacks.

Additionally, it's another example of how cultural trends/fads now seem to last absolutely ages. I saw that Spider Man film in 2002/3(?) despite having no interest in comic books or superheroes because it felt like an important cultural event, a film that would echo down the years. Was dragged to see Transformers in 2007 and knew by then I had no further interest in such films, and got absolutely sick of people banging on about The Dark Knight the following year. And here we are, more than a decade later, and somehow superhero movies are still a big deal. Maybe when the next Batman is interrupted to announce the death of the Queen it will finally signal the end.

I did actually watch Shiang Chi the other week and enjoyed it, although it being a Marvel film was neither here nor there for me. The bit at the end where

Spoiler alert

they get recruited by (I assume) some leading members of the MCU

[close]

was totally over my head and exactly the kind of thing I could do without.

[chveik]

it's madness how low the standards of writing dialogue in big hollywood films is now. you have the snappy whedonesque fake wit and the stereotypical overly serious tone and that's it.

[Replies From View]

I did actually watch Shiang Chi the other week and enjoyed it, although it being a Marvel film was neither here nor there for me. The bit at the end where

Spoiler alert

they get recruited by (I assume) some leading members of the MCU

[close]

was totally over my head and exactly the kind of thing I could do without.

Not seen that one but surely you're talking about the end of the Captain America movie where it's suddenly in the present day and loads of people we've never met turn up and start doing knowing smirks/grimaces and grind their genitals towards the camera.  I can't imagine they'd pull the exact same twist more than once - that would just be shit!

[beanheadmcginty]

three polish guys what

I believe that's an alternative name for the band Status Quo.

[mothman]

three polish guys what

Captain Sensible considers rewrite.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Three Polish Guys: A joint venture between a popular burger restaurant chain and Mr Sheen.

[Mister Six]

Not seen that one but surely you're talking about the end of the Captain America movie where it's suddenly in the present day and loads of people we've never met turn up and start doing knowing smirks/grimaces and grind their genitals towards the camera.  I can't imagine they'd pull the exact same twist more than once - that would just be shit!

He's talking about the mid-credits sequence where Captain Marvel and a couple of other Avengers talk about how the ten rings have emitted some signal. It's just fanservice and sequel baiting, not an integral part of the actual film.

[Icehaven]

What does MCU stand for? Massive Crap... Unlimited?

I just assumed it was Marvel Comic Universe but apparently it's Marvel Cinematic Universe. I'm sure it can be both though can't it? 

[QDRPHNC]

Marvel Cunts, Universe of

[Midas]

Marvel's Cretinous Übermenschs

[popcorn]

They definitely have worked out the art of cynically tying the films together so there are bits you won't understand unless you've seen all the others. You can skip the post-credits sequence but not the other stuff. There are some films which are very deeply steeped in the whole narrative, like Infinity Wars/Endgame and the Captain America series which interlinked with them, and I guess some people want an episodic narrative.

I honestly think that sounds like great fun. What a fantastically ambitious and exciting idea for a series of films, making them all interconnected and ongoing, like soap operas on a massive scale - or the actual Marvel comics they're based on. I mean why not?

In the same way I'm genuinely envious of the joy Strictly Come Dancing brings to my mum every winter I'm jealous of the people who are wildly entertained by Marvel films. I think they're great products.

[Rev+]

Right, let's stop being silly.

All of this talk about there being a 20 year 'arc' in the Marvel films is absolute bullshit.  There is no arc, there's just little crossovers between films, none of them plot related.  Absolutely nothing is built over the course of the films, nothing is foreshadowed or seeded, they're all just films that take place in the same 'universe'.  Having a big old smash-up of characters in a couple of films at the end of the cycle isn't a genius plan playing off, it's just an end of term party.  I've not seen that many Marvel films but Avengers Endgame is atrocious, because it can't reconcile the differences in tone the films that preceded it had, so it comes off as a clumsy kind of clip show.

Arc?  My arc.