What non-new films have you seen? (2022 edition)

[Famous Mortimer]

Ghoul School

If you approach it as a movie, that you expect to be entertaining or at least to make sense, then you're going to be disappointed. But if you think "could I, with one cheap camera, a bag full of animal guts, a few buckets of fake blood and a handful of my friends, make an entire movie on evenings and weekends at an empty school?" then it's kind of...well, not impressive, because it's still stupid and boring, but admirable in a way.

Two criminal high school dropouts accidentally trigger some chemical release into the water supply that turns people into zombies. It's half "Night Of The Living Dead", half "Demons", but there are a few interesting things to mention about it.

First up is the presence of Joe Franklin, who you may remember from Sarah Silverman's "Joe Franklin raped me" anti-punchline in "The Aristocrats". He plays himself, and despite a long career in comedy, seems extremely ill at ease, constantly looking off-camera for something.

Then there's Jackie "The Joke Man" Martling, also playing himself, and evidently a financial backer judging by the number of t-shirts, posters and stickers for his work that appear. He's such an awful comedian that, when he turns up at Franklin's office for an "audition" in a scene with no link to the rest of the movie at all, Franklin can't even improv being impressed with his lame smutty gags and makes him look like a fool. Martling, as unfunny a human as there's ever been, went on to be part of Howard Stern's team and has a head writer credit on a bunch of Stern's shows, so is probably richer than everyone you know put together.

Lastly is a slightly more fun one. Playing "guy #2 on basketball team" is Ivan Sergei, who went on to a long and successful career and is still going strong now. He'd just graduated high school when this was made and wouldn't have another IMDB credit for four years, and I imagine he didn't put this on his resume when he became a full-time actor.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Pleasure (2021) - Drama from Swedish filmmaker Ninja Thyberg where career driven Bella leaves Sweden for America hoping to make it big in the porn business. It's apparently an extremely honest look at how porn is made based on hundreds of hours of interviews from those who make it, and I can believe that as it shows the industry in varied ways, including the shoots by female directors which make it clear that they don't want the performer to do anything that makes them uncomfortable. On the flip side it also highlights certain aspects which are horrifying, and it's often grim viewing, which suggests a lot still needs to change in the industry. 7.4/10

[dissolute ocelot]

In The Mood For Love (2000) I think I could watch a movie just of Maggie Cheung's dresses in this. The texture of every tatty wall is lovingly captured. And the billowing red curtains in the hotel corridor are clearly some kind of anatomy. Tony Leung reminds me weirdly of Joseph Gordon-Levitt here, which isn't a bad thing. Definitely one from the Brief Encounter school of romantic drama but Carnforth has never looked this beautiful. Every short scene is assembled with such neatness and depths of suggestion.

Spoiler alert

Plus the long sequence of captions and missed moments at the end makes it simultaneously frustrating, comical, and perfect.

[close]

I've watched a few other Wong Kar-Wei films, but this is by far the most captivating.

[Famous Mortimer]

Party Favours

Much like Elon Musk gets excited whenever he invents something that already exists (like batteries or public transport), this movie thinks it invented strippograms.

George "Buck" Flower, who also wrote and produced, runs a strip club which has been shut down by the local decency league. He wins a pizza parlour in a poker game, which is also a failure until one of the strippers has her clothes fall off when delivering pizza, and all the guys there are like "we can pay for women to come to our home and take their clothes off? Awesome!" So they pivot to the "going to peoples' homes / businesses and stripping" thing, and hijinks kind of ensue.

Do I need to say if it's any good or not?

[phantom_power]

Peggy Sue Got Married: One of Coppola's lesser works, though actually it is probably somewhere in the middle as he has made some shite since. A fun, interesting time-travel romantic comedy. I remember the trailer from various videos I rented and I did see it when it came out I think but don't remember anything about it, but really enjoyed it this time round. And Coppola pulls out a couple of baller moves at the start and end:

(SPOILER)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCso0YA9tHA

[Blumf]

The Master Touch (1972)
Kirk Douglas (probably wanting a paid vacation in Europe) is a safe cracker with a big plan. Your typical heist film, pretty decent concept - making the perfect alibi for his big job - but fairly dull direction makes it all a bit plodding. A perfunctory amount of twists and turns, not a star of the genre.

However, there is a bonkers car chase in the middle. It's like the stunt team sniffed a chance and pulled out every trick they could think of (budget permitting). Just nuts seeing each stunt unfold, the whole sequence going on for much longer than a normal film would permit.

So, 4/10 over all, but 9/10 for that nice bit of car action.

[zomgmouse]

One of Sidney Lumet's string of forgotten legal thrillers (this one also an erotic thriller), Guilty As Sin (written by Larry Cohen!). Here a female lawyer takes on the defence of an alleged wife-murderer (slick and menacing Don Johnson). Quite competent of course and when it gets going it does get going but there's some terribly dull slogs.

Also watched A Very Private Affair, a film by Louis Malle (haven't seen one of his films for a while) from 1962. This stars Brigitte Bardot semi-autobiographically as a star on the rise beleaguered by fans and the celebrity life, alongside Marcello Mastroianni as her mum's ex who helps hide her (and falls in love) in a bright and colourful light dramatic satire that seems to be a mix of Rohmer and Demy (obviously Malle has his own style but this combo really popped into mind watching this). Interesting enough formally but there's something missing from it to make it really click. Although the final scene of

Spoiler alert

Brigitte Bardot falling off the tower

[close]

is simply remarkable.

[phantom_power]

Snake Eyes: Not the new GI Joe film, but Brian De Palma's unfairly low rated Rashomon-inspired thriller. Some typically showy camera-work livens up what could have been a pretty rote assassination plot with Nic Cage on medium setting and a good cast of supporting actors. Not one of his best but certainly no Mission to Mars

[Famous Mortimer]

Hot Times (1974)

Kind of like a proto-Porky's, but much dirtier and, apparently, a parody of the "Archie" comics. Sort of harmless smutty fun til the last ten minutes, then it goes a bit creepy (while still pretending to be light fun).

[Small Man Big Horse]

The Legend Of Hei (2019) - Chinese kids film where after his forest home is destroyed cat spirit Hei discovers the existence of other spirits including Stormend, who seems to have only his best intentions at heart, but it takes Hei a very long time to work out that he's actually quite the turd. Plot wise it leaps and bounds all over the place, chucking in the odd huge exposition dump to clear things up every so often, and I only discovered after watching it that it serves as a prequel to an online series which makes sense given that it's clear we're supposed to know who some of the characters who pop out of the blue towards the end are. This was listed in an an article that claimed it was one of the "Ten Best International Animated Films Of All Time" which is absolute madness, all of the other films in the list (inc. The Tale of the Princess Kaguya, Persepolis and April and the Extraordinary World) were movies that I loved this but this is very minor league effort compared to them, it's mostly cute fun but it's simplistic stuff and also a real shame that it essentially becomes a by the numbers superhero movie in the final twenty minutes. 6.8/10

[Sebastian Cobb]

Sudden Fury (1975) - Incredible bit of ropey Cansploitation with hammy acting and some quite amazingly dreadful lines.

[Spiteface]

Robotrix (1991)

Essentially came off like a Hong Kong ripoff of Robocop (a film I've been fairly vocal in the past that I don't think is as great as everyone makes it out to be), but with added boobs.

Good action scenes in it, but a little bit too... rapey in places.

Still, Amy Yip, though.

[Famous Mortimer]

The Mummy

I had a break from 80s / 90s boob-comedies and watched something I actually enjoyed. Loads of fun, the occasional ropey effect (the sight lines from the actors to the CGI they're fighting is something they clearly struggled with) but otherwise excellent.

[Blumf]

Robotrix (1991)

...

Good action scenes in it, but a little bit too... rapey in places.

Yeah... not the nicest bit of story there. Good otherwise.

[amputeeporn]

Body Double

A stunning film - I somehow barely picked up on all the post-modern stuff the first time I saw it, thinking it was just a stilted straight thriller (that I nonetheless loved). Rewatch was a bit of a revelation.

[zomgmouse]

Last night watched Malcolm, a charming sweet Australian comedy about an autistic man (though it's never explicitly stated as such) with a love for technology and trams who gets involved with a criminal and they work together to put together a whimsical heist. Really lovely and it's filmed in Melbourne which adds to the interest.

Today:

Teknolust. Oddball tech noir/romance from 2002 that couldn't be more 2002 if it tried. Cyber stuff. Attempts at fusing programmes with the real world. I think the sheer stylistic self-assuredness and eccentricity won me over. Tilda Swinton plays a whole bunch of characters in it and is predictably very good. I liked it a lot as a whole.

Paired this with Android, the robotic sci-fi with Klaus Kinski. Set on a spaceship/laboratory where Kinski is a scientist working with androids and a group of criminals sneak their way on board. Everything gets complicated when the android learns of the scientist's wish to supersede him with a new female model. Watchable but nothing incredible, though there is a great sequence where the android watches Metropolis and watches Rudolf Klein-Rogge (whom Kinski seems to be stylised after) make the female robot come to life. (Perhaps referenced in Prometheus where Fassbender watches Lawrence of Arabia?). Good ending.

Finally Żulawski's Szamanka. Somehow a shaman bog body and what the synopsis calls "an enigmatic woman" become intertwined in an anthropologist's life. Typical of his work it's highly bizarre, erotic, rooted in history, very intense. Just an absolutely wild experience.

[samadriel]

Last night watched Malcolm, a charming sweet Australian comedy about an autistic man (though it's never explicitly stated as such) with a love for technology and trams who gets involved with a criminal and they work together to put together a whimsical heist. Really lovely and it's filmed in Melbourne which adds to the interest.

I spent my early childhood thinking that some cars could split in two because of a viewing of Malcolm.

[zomgmouse]

I spent my early childhood thinking that some cars could split in two because of a viewing of Malcolm.

Hahaha! Nope just the Malcolm Mini

[Sebastian Cobb]

Leaving Las Vegas - I really like this, hammy drunk Cage and all.

[Small Man Big Horse]

The Seven Little Foys (1955) - Bob Hope plays vaudeville comic Eddie Foy who swears off women until he falls for an Italian, and before you know it they've got seven kids. James Cagney reprises his role as George Cohan from Yankee Doodle Dandy, while it's narrated by Foy's actual son Charley who's almost as funny as his dear old papa, but it's one of those biopics which miss out a huge amount of what actually happened, including Foy's first two marriages, the four kids he had who died in childbirth, while his own wife's death sees him mildly irked rather than tearful. Still, it's got a good few decent one liners, a couple of amusing song and dance numbers (and a really awful Chinatown based one) and is fairly entertaining, if rarely anything more than that. 6.4/10

[Billy]

American Graffiti (1973) Bloody loved this and surreal to think that it's only set a decade earlier than filming, as I really can't imagine a movie released today set in circa 2012 having so much significant difference to the present day. Spent a good part of the first half wondering when Mark Hamill was going to show up until the Ford arrived and I realised I'd misremembered which future Star Wars actor had an early appearance in this.

The ending is a bit of a curio though. The Prince Charles showed it from an original, scratchy 35mm complete with 1973 BBFC certification at the start. Only on reading the Wiki entry after have I found out that there's meant to be a big written epilogue at the end describing the (rather tragic) future fates of the characters - but this print didn't have anything, it just cut straight from the final scene to the end credits. Does this mean the original UK release cut the epilogue, maybe because someone saw it as too depressing? And was anything else gone that I should know about? According to BBFC's own website there's a two-and-a-half minute difference in timing between the original and a 2017 re-release, although a lot of that could just be added modern logos at the start/end. This sort of stuff does oddly fascinate me...

[Famous Mortimer]

Never understood that thing where the future fates of the characters are done at the end, unless it's for comedy. Hope you enjoyed this! Now read about how these characters die!

[peanutbutter]

Beats had one of those, really bizarre seeing one done sincerely in a 2019 film describing how all the characters amounted to fuck all


anyways over the weekend I watched

Beats
Felt very enslaved to its theatrical origins, was alright but I feel like a recorded version of the play may've been just as good for a fraction of the cost.

Raw
Better than Titane, I think mostly due to having a more interesting lead. Kinda fizzled out at the end for me.

S1m0ne
Really really bad. The only reason I can see that it isn't brought up as a punchline much at all compared to In Time (another cringeworthy high concept Andrew Niccol film) is that In Time is drastically more entertaining so people actually remember it.

Frenzy
Richard from Keeping Up Appearances is in an Alfred Hitchcock film

Cure
Some really good creepy bits but the overall investigative side of things feels like it has been dealt with much better in films since (Korean mystery films like Memories of Murder spring to mind) so I'd've rathered a full on focus on the creepy bits.

[Sebastian Cobb]

sim0ne really is shit

[zomgmouse]

Last night I watched The Year My Voice Broke but towards the end of watching it I looked up the sequel, Flirting, and found out that the director John Duigan groomed Thandiwe Newton (and subsequently was in a relationship with her for six years) so that's really put me off it and him. Really disappointing.

Today I watched:

Down Among the Z-Men. One of the "Goon Show Films" (though it wasn't even written by them!), gives me no pleasure to say this but it was largely dull and with minor laughs.

Christmas on Mars. I know nothing about The Flaming Lips and have never heard any of their music but somehow this film of theirs made it onto my watchlist (probably through some "weird obscure films list" or other). Certainly a "weird obscure film", it's very "trippy" (though I hate to use that word), the art and sound direction are all standout here (particularly as a DIY sort of project) but the rest of it is a bit of a daze to get through.

Chronopolis. Experimental stop-motion sci-fi, sort of reminiscent of a psychedelic Švankmajer, in which a city of giant immortals create fantastical objects while they sit around waiting for death. Truly bizarre gem.

[Famous Mortimer]

Virgin High

I know you come to me for the hot takes on dogshit 80s/90s T&A "comedies". The hero nearly rapes a girl in the opening scene, then...ah, who gives a fuck. Linnea Quigley and Michelle Bauer are in it, so only useful if, for some reason, you've got to watch every movie starring the "scream queens".

[Artie Fufkin]

Today I watched:

Down Among the Z-Men. One of the "Goon Show Films" (though it wasn't even written by them!), gives me no pleasure to say this but it was largely dull and with minor laughs.

When I was in the Goon Show Fan Club, back in the day. A couple of friends and I went to a convention in London where they showed this film. God it was awful.
And we got on the wrong train back home. Ended up in Sevenoaks.

[Artie Fufkin]

French Dressing - 1964
Directed by Ken Russel, and starring Roy Kinnear, James Booth & Bryan Pringle amongst others. 'Additional Dialogue' by Johnny Speight, apparently.
Imagine Ken Russel writing a Carry On film, I guess. Run down seaside town gets saucy French actress to open film festival.
It was pretty awful.
I only watched it as the 'run down seaside town' is the town where I live (charming!), and also Mrs Fufkin's parents are in a crowd scene.
We didn't spot them.

The Green Knight - 2021
Freaky-deaky, man! Considering it's mainly Dev Patel wandering around a forest not doing much, I really enjoyed this. Wasn't sure what was going on most of the time, tbh. But it was beautifully filmed.

[Artie Fufkin]

Made me want to watch more films in the wilderness. Suggestions please.

Into The Wild - 2007
Loved this film so much, even though it seems a little contrived in places.
Haven't watched it for a couple of years.
Must do so.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Last night I watched The Year My Voice Broke but towards the end of watching it I looked up the sequel, Flirting, and found out that the director John Duigan groomed Thandiwe Newton (and subsequently was in a relationship with her for six years) so that's really put me off it and him. Really disappointing.

I loved The Year My Voice Broke and Flirting, with the latter being one of the first films I saw in a London arthouse cinema long before I lived in the city, but I haven't revisited either due to Duigan turning out to be a hideous shit.

The Prophet (2014) - Animation based on the life and work of the famous Lebanese-American poet Kahlil Gibran (portrayed by the famous Lebanese-American actor Liam Neeson), and each time he performs some of his work it's animated by a different director. The problem is that what Gibran has to say is often really on the nose and a bit patronising, at least the way Neeson delivers the dialogue, while there's a dull plot about a girl who's stopped speaking and a couple of villains who feel like they've come out of a Disney movie, which is a bit of an issue

Spoiler alert

given the film ends with Gibran's execution

[close]

. It does at least of look gorgeous a lot of the time, which saved me from disliking it, but it's still overall a disappointment. 6.3/10