The wisest things you've been told

[biggytitbo]

Never trust a man who posts the only George and Lynne strip in existence where she's got clothes on.

[Serge]

"Be good. And if you can't be good, be reasonable."

[lazyhour]

"You buy cheap, you buy twice."[nb]because the cheapest item will break/be crap/run out almost immediately[/nb]

Ever since a friend of mine put this in my noggin, I always mull over going for the cheapest possible option.

I normally still get the cheapest possible option, though.

[HappyTree]

''You can fool some of the people all of the time, and those are the ones you need to concentrate on.''
—President George W. Bush, at the 2001 Gridiron dinner

[Sony Walkman Prophecies]

Not a piece of advice per se, but I remember a drug-dealer (who is now not a dealer and a very good friend) telling me that he'd never befriend anyone he couldnt learn from. Although this seemed quite an obtuse ethic to me at the time and I was quick to discount it, now roughly 10 years later it's virtually become second nature - if someone feels like a waste of time and I automatically reject them, on consideration it's almost sways because they have no lesson or rule to impart. This doesnt necessarily mean that I wont talk to anyone without a degree in physics/philosophy/medicine btw, someone could have no academic interest at all and still be a great teacher, it's trying a case of gravitating towards people who have a unique perspective who are also able to express it.

As I say, when someone strikes me as the type of person I wouldnt want to hang out with it, it's almost always due to this reason. There's just no fun or justification in being around people who are just enabling you in your own inertia. Good friends should first and foremost be there to challenge you and help you grow.

[Ginyard]

Make love, not war  - Sheikh Hassan Nasrallah

[mook]

"put a wur after double-u, put a wur after oh." john pertwee from the late 70s

[biggytitbo]

If it doesn't fit...push a bit harder.

[Santa's Boyfriend]

My art history lecturer:

"When you simplify something, it quickly reaches a point where it becomes a lie."

That's politics in a nutshell.

[SetToStun]

You can't forget if you don't forgive.

Sorry, but that's just bollocks. I have never forgiven my mum's birthday, for example.

"If you tackle soft, it's you that gets hurt. Go in full tilt with the shoulder at their knees and you won't be the one getting carried off the pitch." - Mr. Spears, winter 1980.

[Neville Chamberlain]

"Selfishness is the enclave of the needy."

[CaledonianGonzo]

"Kind words butter no parsnips."

[Neville Chamberlain]

"He who sails stormwards shall meet an untidy and wicked end; he who sails away from the storm shall probably be all right, hopefully."

[SetToStun]

You just made that up. Go on, admit it.

[Buelligan]

Leave now, before it gets nasty.

[Neville Chamberlain]

"Tread ye not on hot tarmac, for t'will stick to thine shoes and thou shalt ne'er be able to get out of this rather sticky hole."

[Neville Chamberlain]

"Tether ye not thy sickly goat!"

[SetToStun]

"Cast ye not thy vague ramblings before the wise; neither tarry where ye mock; for the Lord (i.e. me) shall smite thee with His lowered thumb; and great shall be thy anguish, and without limit thy despair."

[Don_Preston]

"The female of the species is more deadly than the male." (Only the Space version, mind)

[Neville Chamberlain]

"Women are but a noble distraction."

[Famous Mortimer]

"Don't start none, won't be none".

I was also going to use Voltaire's "Humanity will not be free until the last monarch is strangled in the entrails of the last priest" but it's a phrase from olden days, not something I was told (unless you count my mate James repeating this to me).

[thepuffpastryhangman]

SWP - But we learn something from the (very) way we treat other people. Perhaps especially those we expect have nothing to offer us. Humility is an important lesson that's often grasped through our exasperation at the shortcomings of others.
From what I've read here the advice you cite seems a tad mercenary and somewhat out of your charitable character.

[23 Daves]

"If it's going badly, GET OFF NOW.  And if it's going really well, GET OFF NOW" - Harry Hill.

Barely applicable throughout life generally, but for public speaking and live performance, an almost infallible rule.  If the audience still hates you after five minutes, another ten minutes isn't going to change their minds, even if you start performing Messianic miracles.  And if they're hugely enjoying what you do, it's better to leave them wanting more than to risk letting the performance end on a dreary note. 

[Sony Walkman Prophecies]

SWP - But we learn something from the (very) way we treat other people. Perhaps especially those we expect have nothing to offer us. Humility is an important lesson that's often grasped through our exasperation at the shortcomings of others.
From what I've read here the advice you cite seems a tad mercenary and somewhat out of your charitable character.

Fair point. Humility and patience are both valuable lessons, but I think once youve reached your early 30s, and especially if you have kids, theyre lessons already well learnt. After that point, I dont think there's much point in having friends that arent challenging you in far more interesting and positive ways than simply trying your patience. And if that isnt mercenary, isnt it completely normal? Everyone makes friends on the assumption theyre going to get something from them, even if it's for 'a few laughs' or 'a shoulder to cry on'. I just think a lot of those relationships tend to go stale very quickly and it can become far too easy to keep them going out of some weird sense of duty or otherwise just out of habit. 

[23 Daves]

Fair point. Humility and patience are both valuable lessons, but I think once youve reached your early 30s, and especially if you have kids, theyre lessons already well learnt. After that point, I dont think there's much point in having friends that arent challenging you in far more interesting and positive ways than simply trying your patience. And if that isnt mercenary, isnt it completely normal? Everyone makes friends on the assumption theyre going to get something from them, even if it's for 'a few laughs' or 'a shoulder to cry on'. I just think a lot of those relationships tend to go stale very quickly and it can become far too easy to keep them going out of some weird sense of duty or otherwise just out of habit.

I'm inclined to agree with you, actually.  I don't have kids, but I do have a lot more demands on my life than I used to, and with that I have noticed that I've become very bad at suffering fools gladly.   In the past, I always used to have friends whose failings could be considered charming or entertaining as well as trying, but when your social time becomes a precious and marginalised commodity, you can't be bothered waiting for Unreliable Tom to turn up down the pub anymore whilst you sit by yourself for an hour with your copy of the newspaper.  Yes, his anecdotes are fun, but there are probably equally entertaining ones in your DVD collection. 

The net result is that I have fewer "characters" in my life, and more people I have similar interests to and a greater mutual understanding. 

[Sony Walkman Prophecies]

Yeah, I think that's one of the great benefits of growing older - youre not just bumming round at a loose end waiting for someone to call you up/knock on your door, you've always got stuff to be getting on with. I remember practically being in tears if I lost a good friend when I was younger, because it meant having a dull summer stuck at home with nothing to do. Now though it's usually the other way round; I almost feeling like crying when I go out socialising because I feel like theyre a million and one other (productive) things I could be doing at home. Is this progress? Difficult to say.

[23 Daves]

Yeah, I think that's one of the great benefits of growing older - youre not just bumming round at a loose end waiting for someone to call you up/knock on your door, you've always got stuff to be getting on with. I remember practically being in tears if I lost a good friend when I was younger, because it meant having a dull summer stuck at home with nothing to do. Now though it's usually the other way round; I almost feeling like crying when I go out socialising because I feel like theyre a million and one other (productive) things I could be doing at home. Is this progress? Difficult to say.

It can be a fine line.  As awful a thing as it sounds, I use my father as a warning of what can happen if you isolate yourself socially too much - his whole life has revolved around his family and he really doesn't have any friends left, which has led to a rather dull and directionless retirement.  I do try to constantly make new friends as the old ones have a habit of buggering off out of the picture as soon as they have kids, but then I try to put myself in positions where I'm likely to meet interesting and compatible people.  I don't just wait for my wife to introduce me to her friend's husband Peter, for example ("He has a book on British Birds, and you like birds") which is a situation where time wasting and boredom are most likely to arise. 

[Noodle Lizard]

"Never read the bottom half of the internet"

[Brundle-Fly]

I don't know if he coined this phrase but Ian Dury once opined, "The person who wants to be loved by everyone is universally despised." 

And, "All I want for my birthday is another birthday."

And "Oi! Oi!"

[mook]

he also said: "see my tailor, he's called simon, i know it's going to fit."

wise old sausage he was.