The size of your boxing day shit

[wheatgod]

My shit rate has gone up by about 250%. As I enjoy a good shit, this is heaven.

[biggytitbo]

Apart from the small brown snowball this morning I never had my big boxing day shit after all. Im reassuring myself with the thought of how superb Ill feel when I finally get rid of it but at the moment the constipation fairy has her feet well and truly under the table and she won't budge. One little tip for constipation sufferers. If you fear you may do a shit the size of a 6 week old infant and break your toilet, simply go out at night, do the shit into a bin liner and chuck it over a fence.

[samadriel]

Disclaimer: The above doesn't work so well if you're the Queen.

[Dark Sky]

My shit rate has gone up by about 250%. As I enjoy a good shit, this is heaven.

Mine too but it's not pleasant at all and kept me up all night and now I'm all sore.

And I still need to go and we have guests coming and it may be a sitcom in the making.

[biggytitbo]

Mine too but it's not pleasant at all and kept me up all night and now I'm all sore.

And I still need to go and we have guests coming and it may be a sitcom in the making.

More of a 'shitcom' by the sounds of it!!!

[greencalx]

My wife went the other way and didn't poo for three days. We (ok, she) had to resort to the syrup of figs which delivered a full 180 degree sweep about six hours later.

[boki]

Me, I just love the fact that we even have a thread called, 'The size of your boxing day shit'.  The content is almost inconsequential (unlike the Boxing Day Shit, of course).

My wife went the other way and didn't poo for three days.

I don't really want to make a cheap anal sex joke about someone named after my favourite Aphex Twin track (and certainly not at his wife's expense), so could someone else do it for me, please?  Ziggy?

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

I've never done a shit bigger than my cock.

I compare them every time.

It gets a little messy.

[biggytitbo]

I've never done a shit bigger than my cock.

I compare them every time.

It gets a little messy.

In length, girth or volume? Have you ever weighed your cock?

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

All three.

Yes, it came in at 13 stone, 11 pounds.

[biggytitbo]

Just thought i'd bump in preparation

[NoSleep]

[Mr_Simnock]

I shat really hard little bullets last night with loads of wind, my arse was like an MG42 and I swear I cracked the pot with them. The main pain came from pushing the bum raspberries back in with my fingers as they are often sore and bloody at this time of month.

[biggytitbo]

This is christmas! THIS IS CHRISTMAS!!!

[buttgammon]

If yesterday's is anything to go by then I'm in for a whopper on Friday. Might bugger up the plumbing though.

[Emma Raducanu]

I'm saving up.

[Cack Hen]

i would urge you all to drink two pints of water and eat at least one piece of fruit every day in the run up to christmas

it could save your anus

[ThickAndCreamy]

Over the course of Christmas Day and Boxing Day I have a carp, 100 king prawns, a box of Jellied Eels, £10 worth of nuts, half a kilo of smoked salmon to eat with my father and 8 Guiness Foreign Export and many Duvels to drink for myself.

Christmas is like heaven and my poo shall smell of licorice seafood. 

[daimoniac]

mine's still scaring the locals at a pub in gateshead.

judging by the way it was lying in the bowl after the attempted flush its going nowhere fast...

its got teeth and everything

[Lady Beaner]

I fucking love this thread. It has made my arse cry little Christmas brown tears.

[the midnight watch baboon]

It makes me wanna trim my winnits to give me the best chance of enjoying a smooth, ploppy Boxing day of hearty porcelain-bothering.

[alan nagsworth]

Really? It just makes me want to have a shit.

[the midnight watch baboon]

Where's your sense of pooetry?

[Rev]

i would urge you all to drink two pints of water and eat at least one piece of fruit every day in the run up to christmas

Two pints of water and a piece of fruit?  What's that, £11 a day?  Get fucked moneybags, I'll take a Dick Francis into the shitter.

[alan nagsworth]

Two pints of water and a piece of fruit

http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?topic=13474.msg1013719#msg1013719

BBC3 execs are lurking.

[biggytitbo]

I have something deeply worrying brewing...

[Baxter]

They do love their raw pork.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwTJXHNP0bg

[mook]

I have something deeply worrying brewing...

Me too. I haven't had a dump yet today which bothers me. Yesterdays perry, port, Guinness, champagne, Harvey's bitter and stilton are sitting on top of something very solid. I can feel them swirling around dying to get out. I reckon when I force the blockage out the aftermath of yesterday's over-doing it with come flying out like a flock of shitty sparrows through a tiny circular window.

[biggytitbo]

Well I've just relieved myself of what can only be described as a maleovelent  splurge of toxic chip shop gravy. I've advised those nearby not to go in there for 10 minutes. Or ever really.

[mook]

I'm still waiting for mine. I've got to leave soon to meet people in the pub before we go off and sort dinner out. I'm dreading letting this lot off in a pub kharzie, on Christmas day of all days. I'll be mocked.

Strangely my farts smell like boiling beetroot, this can't be good.