WONKA

[Blumf]

How about a film centered around Grandpa Joe being a malingering, lying old cunt.

Classic Tory voting boomer.

[Blumf]

Netflix paid a lot of money for the Roald Dahl Story Company and owns the rights to all his works

Does that include his adult works? A Tales of the Unexpected reboot would seem obvious.

[Butchers Blind]

Classic Tory voting boomer.

Well, it's not on is it. Lying around in bed all day with some mysterious malady, but as soon as there's a free ticket to the old chocolate factory, he's up on his feet dancing around like Wayne Sleep. If I was Charlie's mum, I'd be like, "What the fuck is this shit?!" And what thanks does she get, not even a golden ticket trip to the Wonka house after spending years clearing up his geriatric mess.

[sevendaughters]

I NEVER THOUGHT THAT I WOULD BE
ABLE TO DANCE AT NINETY TWO
BUT SUDDENLY NOW I'M OUT OF BED
I CAN MANAGE TO DO MY OWN POO

[Ignatius_S]

Does that include his adult works? A Tales of the Unexpected reboot would seem obvious.

Yes, includes of all that as well. Netflix earlier had done a deal for the so they were able to adapt the children's works (I think pretty much all of it but could be wrong) and the subsequent deal means they own that and all Dahl's other work.

As part of this, they have already announced two or three new theatrical productions and several films.

With the recent Wes Anderson short story of adaptations, two were from a collection for older children and two for adult audiences - so it will be interesting to see what else they will do with the more adult writing.

With Tales of the Unexpected, I do wonder whether they might take a similar approach to the series where they heavily used non-Dahl stories as the show went on.

[Noodle Lizard]

Coming to a cinema near you, February 2026: SLUGWORTH


Willy Wonka Inc is a huge multinational, unethical and horrible in the way that Nestlé is purported to be, but much more so, under the control of CEO and sole shareholder Sir Charles Bucket. Despite the business's reliance on slavery and causing endless environmental, social and ethical disasters, the multi billionaire Sir Charles is able to rely on his squeaky clean image and inspiring journey through life to maintain a place in the hearts of the public while living in untold luxury.

Despite being bankrupted and effectively put into exile, Arthur Slugworth writes his response to the piece of fascist propaganda that is Roald Dahl's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, a piece commissioned by Bucket to paint a positive picture of his rise to wealth and power, and gloss over the mysterious disappearances of children within the factory walls.

I think the prevailing theory about the original story is that Wonka's trying to pass the buck(et) off to someone else in anticipation of OSHA laws before fleeing to Argentina to reunite with his parents.

[Red82]

Man that's some niche taste

I knew someone was going to say that! As soon as I typed it and decided to leave it like that.

[The Bumlord]

I remember the controversy around The Witches film at the time as it was far too scary for kids.

No, scare the little cunts. 

Loved that book, loved it.

[convulsivespace]

Most Roald Dahl adaptations are shit. I think The Witches is the only film I've ever liked.

Of course, the Gene Wilder Wonka is amazing. Another reason this prequel is a crime.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

I can't watch anything with Timotei Chevrolet in it because I don't like his face.

[Noodle Lizard]

Of course, the Gene Wilder Wonka is amazing. Another reason this prequel is a crime.

I watched that again with the kid recently. I know it's hardly a hot take, but it really is a staggeringly weird film. The grubbiness of it, the hatefulness and glee with which it dispatches its child cast, the decision to shoot it in the most Soviet-looking parts of Germany. It's not an accident, though, and Wilder is clearly playing the role with this atmospheric unease in mind. The 70s was an odd and brilliant time, where you could turn in something like that (as a kids' film based on valuable IP designed to sell chocolate bars) and get a "yup, all good" from whatever senile body was in charge of Paramount or the Quaker Oats Company at the time.

I suppose the producers of this new one have managed to attempt similar subversion by casting Dobby from Peep Show.

[famethrowa]

Well, it's not on is it. Lying around in bed all day with some mysterious malady, but as soon as there's a free ticket to the old chocolate factory, he's up on his feet dancing around like Wayne Sleep.

There's nothing that says he didn't get up to take a SHIT

How about a film centered around Grandpa Joe being a malingering, lying old cunt.

Hey, that's a half-truth!

[Red82]

Of course, the Gene Wilder Wonka is amazing. Another reason this prequel is a crime.

I've not seen it for years tbf. It was nothing like Dahl's book though.

[gilbertharding]

Of course, the Gene Wilder Wonka is amazing. Another reason this prequel is a crime.

I saw the Graham Norton Show last week, and old matey explicitly pointed out that his film was a prequel to that film, and not the Depp one.

I have only seen the Wilder version a few times, ages ago, and never the later one - so what's the difference? Why would it matter which version Wonka was prequelling?

Is there a film in The Great Glass Elevator? All I remember from the book is them going to space, and there being gigantic worms... would need padding out.

Never really saw the appeal of Dahl's books tbh. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is the only good one, I think - with the whole Golden Ticket thing, and the way he kills off all those terrible kids.

[curiousoranges]

Wonka thread

[Old Nehamkin]

I saw the Graham Norton Show last week, and old matey explicitly pointed out that his film was a prequel to that film, and not the Depp one.

I have only seen the Wilder version a few times, ages ago, and never the later one - so what's the difference? Why would it matter which version Wonka was prequelling?

I think it's mainly just that the Wilder version is the one that people like and remember and the current fashion with this kind of reheated IP slop is to very pointedly frame it as being explicitly/literally connected to the universe of the Beloved Thing in a kind of slavishly reverential way.

Also the Burton/Depp version actually incorporates its own bolted-on Wonka origin story which I guess would contravene this one.

[phantom_power]

Yes that and Chalomet probably didn't want his character growing up to the weird Michael Jackson goth man-child that Depp portrayed him as

[madhair60]

so is this film going to end with a post-credits stinger in which Wonka gets a speeding ticket in his Chocomobile or some shit and goes "i piss on your ticket... huh... now that gives me an idea..."

[famethrowa]

Scene: Grandpa Joe (just Pa Joe at the time) gets punched in the kneecaps by a mysterious orange assailant. Fucks him up

[greenman]

Well, it's not on is it. Lying around in bed all day with some mysterious malady, but as soon as there's a free ticket to the old chocolate factory, he's up on his feet dancing around like Wayne Sleep. If I was Charlie's mum, I'd be like, "What the fuck is this shit?!" And what thanks does she get, not even a golden ticket trip to the Wonka house after spending years clearing up his geriatric mess.

The intension maybe was that Joe would suffer an "accident" at the factory? that is shit himself and then get chopped up by a spinning blade, similar shot to the bald Nazi's death in Raiders but using HP sauce instead of ketchup.

[Clownbaby]

Disappointed by the cutesy "Greatest Showman" slick approach they've went for with this. And I'm really developing a dislike for Timothee Chalamet. I don't get it at all with him. He's bland. Not the kind of chops for a Willy Wonka with any kind of ambiguity, but it doesn't seem like they're going for that kind of thing AT ALL with this film.

I'm interested to see who people would have in mind, on here, to play Wonka. I know a lot of people generally keep mentioning Tom Holland, and I'm not seeing it myself.

I don't think he'd choose the role, but I reckon (my boyfriend) Paul Dano would make a good, ambiguous Wonka. I'm biased because I am already a big fan of his but he's the only person I can think of who would have that same duality that Gene Wilder had, where he can be genuinely charming, with a quietly restrained strangeness/darkness hovering just behind it. If a baby-Wonka film had been made when Paul Dano was in his 20s, he would have nailed it.

[Petey Pate]

I watched that again with the kid recently. I know it's hardly a hot take, but it really is a staggeringly weird film. The grubbiness of it, the hatefulness and glee with which it dispatches its child cast, the decision to shoot it in the most Soviet-looking parts of Germany. It's not an accident, though, and Wilder is clearly playing the role with this atmospheric unease in mind. The 70s was an odd and brilliant time, where you could turn in something like that (as a kids' film based on valuable IP designed to sell chocolate bars) and get a "yup, all good" from whatever senile body was in charge of Paramount or the Quaker Oats Company at the time.

It's interesting how the director, Mel Stuart, was primarily made documentaries rather than fictional features. A lot of the scenes leading up to them going inside the factory are shot and edited more akin to a documentary, which adds to the weirdness.

[Noodle Lizard]

Hugh Grant not mincing words: https://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/celebs/a46051014/hugh-grant-hated-filming-wonka/?taid=6570937c601528000150cd53

"It's very confusing, with CGI now, you can't tell what's going on," he mused, later adding, "I slightly hate [making films] but I have lots of children and need money."

[famethrowa]

I'd loved to have heard our Hugh "making a big fuss about it". "Listen! Arrrm.... one is getting rather tetchy!"

[The Bumlord]

I do like Hugh these days, the miserable old bastard.

[touchingcloth]

SHITHEEL RENTIER CHILD ABUSER WONKA

[lipsink]

Godfather 2
Temple of Doom
Muppet Babies

Also, that trilogy of Planet of the Apes from about 10 years ago was pretty good?

[The Bumlord]

Also, that trilogy of Planet of the Apes from about 10 years ago was pretty good?

Second one is great, yeah. I like angry monke

[phantom_power]

Were some of the original PotA films prequels? I remember them being surprisingly decent when I watched them years ago

[El Unicornio, mang]

I think they were "requels" (reboot prequels to the original series) like Casino Royale, explaining the origin story. Really good though, still some of the best CGI I've seen.