Dating Apps

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

As my mum has got sick of telling me, it's high time I got a girlfriend. Having exhausted other avenues, I suppose I should join the 20th century and try this newfangled internet dating.

Which ones are worth signing up to? A friend recommended Bumble, although he doesn't seem to have had much luck with it and he's a perfectly eligible sort. The reviews on the Android app store don't seem all that encouraging either.

I imagine they're all a nightmare of personal data theft, gamification and catfishing, but some must be a bit less shit than others. And it'll all be worth it if I can meet that special someone who's willing to settle for me.

[bgmnts]

I can only tell you about my experiences but online dating will make you feel like you don't matter even more than real life dating does. You will feel worthless and want to kill yourself after the first few hundred/thousand swipes right or rejections.


Still, might be fun!

[Butchers Blind]

-Please upload your photo-

*uninstalls app. back to wanking*

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

No worries there. I'm a handsome devil.

I can only tell you about my experiences but online dating will make you feel like you don't matter even more than real life dating does. You will feel worthless and want to kill yourself after the first few hundred/thousand swipes right or rejections.

I figured that's a possibility. On the other hand, my latest attempt to ask someone out failed because I waited too long and she'd started going out with someone by the time I'd stumped up the courage. A month later, I'm still feeling pretty glum about that, so at least this way I can say I tried.

[MrMrs]

I can only tell you about my experiences but online dating will make you feel like you don't matter even more than real life dating does. You will feel worthless and want to kill yourself after the first few hundred/thousand swipes right or rejections.


Still, might be fun!

On the other side, i met my wife on tinder. Been together for 5 years, 1st anniversary coming up soon 💙

give it a chance

[Memorex MP3]

Bumble has never been anything other than a failure for me but I'm balding and have shit teeth so I probably don't make it past the split second instant reaction that leads to a swipe.

Hinge generally goes a bit better by virtue of being pretty good at answering prompts in a manner that appeals to people I'd get along with

[solidified gruel merchant]

Plenty of fish is a good one.

[touchingcloth]

What was the site where a guy in here said was something like "all the good women are just getting serviced by the handful of studs"? Give that one a try if you're a stud or a good woman.

[confettiinmyhair]

Go speed dating. You can get through what is usually prolonged torture and rejection over several months in one night

[flotemysost]

Hinge generally seems geared towards (though not limited to) more serious/long-term relationships if that's what you're after, and is generally decent for getting a sense of what someone's about and providing fodder to start a conversation.

As Memorex mentioned, its format of giving prompts for users to complete means that people often nail their colours to the mast more immediately than apps with generic "About me"-type fields. Which I suppose is useful, even if a lot of it ends up being along the lines of the below (taken verbatim from a profile - a cishet man - I saw a while back. And screen-shotted to send to my mates, I'm afraid, because I'm a dick)

You should leave a comment if

You're not woke, you don't have pronouns, you don't take life to [sic] seriously, you love a laugh and a Sunday roast, no vegans! Done!!

(If that seems mean-spirited, I should add that I'm almost certainly the worst person in all Creation to advise re: serious relationships and I haven't actually looked at any dating apps for months anyway due to being an anxious wreck about all that stuff right now, but I'm sure someone is this very moment having a good old guffaw at my predictable "no Tories or TERFs" schtick on there.)

A friend recommended Bumble, although he doesn't seem to have had much luck with it and he's a perfectly eligible sort. The reviews on the Android app store don't seem all that encouraging either.

As I remember (from years ago, tbf), Bumble required the woman to message first within 24 hours of matching or the match would expire (in MF pairings, anyway) and 99% of the time I'd genuinely just forget, so I'm sure it's no reflection on your mate!

Basically I think everyone feels a bit nervous and silly using these things, even

"all the good women

and also

the handful of studs"

Even them.

[thenoise]

Met my wife on okcupid.
Had a series of hilariously awful dates before her, though, so be prepared for that. I was meeting up with a friend for a laugh about my terrible experiences at the time, which got me through it. Try and find something fun about the process. And make sure you are going on dates, don't try and vet people too much by messaging back and forth, meet them face to face and see if you click. You'll know soon enough if you don't.

Needless to say, meet somewhere public preferably during the day and don't spend too much money, go for afternoon coffee or cafe lunch or something, you can always move on somewhere else if it is going really well.

[touchingcloth]

As Memorex mentioned, its format of giving prompts for users to complete means that people often nail their colours to the mast more immediately than apps with generic "About me"-type fields. Which I suppose is useful, even if a lot of it ends up being along the lines of the below (taken verbatim from a profile - a cishet man - I saw a while back. And screen-shotted to send to my mates, I'm afraid, because I'm a dick)

You should leave a comment if

You're not woke, you don't have pronouns, you don't take life to [sic] seriously, you love a laugh and a Sunday roast, no vegans! Done!!

If it was taken verbatim, did he include the [sic], or is that you doubly reinforcing it? I like the idea that the same man would make an arch joke about spleing errors and then launch into a tirade about salads.

[flotemysost]

Met my wife on okcupid.
Had a series of hilariously awful dates before her, though, so be prepared for that. I was meeting up with a friend for a laugh about my terrible experiences at the time, which got me through it. Try and find something fun about the process. And make sure you are going on dates, don't try and vet people too much by messaging back and forth, meet them face to face and see if you click. You'll know soon enough if you don't.

Needless to say, meet somewhere public preferably during the day and don't spend too much money, go for afternoon coffee or cafe lunch or something, you can always move on somewhere else if it is going really well.

I'd add to the above that (IMHO) it's good to have something in your profile that someone can latch onto and start a conversation about; sounds obvious, but there are LOADS of profiles out there saying things like "anything you want to know about me, just ask!", which is so generic that most people probably just won't bother to find out.

It can definitely feel a bit daunting and unnatural trying to cram an appealing summation of your personality into a few character-limited boxes - I find stuff along the lines of "tell me about the last film/album/book (or whatever's in line with your interests) you enjoyed" can be a fairly safe bet. (Although speaking of dates and books, I feel this old chestnut - first bit of post - warrants a shout out, so you never know.)

But yeah, as mentioned I'm hardly a shining paragon of success in this realm, so I'll defer to the happily partnered CaB massive!

If it was taken verbatim, did he include the [sic], or is that you doubly reinforcing it? I like the idea that the same man would make an arch joke about spleing errors and then launch into a tirade about salads.

Nah, that was just me being a pretentious knob.

[touchingcloth]

You sick fuc.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Sic burn.

It can definitely feel a bit daunting and unnatural trying to cram an appealing summation of your personality into a few character-limited boxes

It sounds like a job application, which is one of my least favourite things to do.

Do you have to pay for these apps/sites? I assume they're in it to make money, rather than out of the goodness of their hearts.

[Ferris]

Dating apps make me thank the good lord I'm married already. Bonus: once she wises up and leaves me I'll be too old and past it to bother.

[Sonny_Jim]

Met the wife on tinder, seems a very 21st century thing to do.  Only thing I would add is don't go to every date thinking this is going to be the one, just go out and have fun.  The best part is that usually there's no connection to your existing friendship group, so even if you fuck it up, it doesn't really matter.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

The best part is that usually there's no connection to your existing friendship group, so even if you fuck it up, it doesn't really matter.

That's certainly an advantage that crossed my mind. The last few crushes I've had were on friends of friends - close ones, too. It's one of the reasons I was so shy about making it known: Even if the relationship had gone well (or existed in the first place) I can imagine the whole courtship stage could be very awkward and I love my friends too much to do that to them for my own selfish desires (he says, trying to make his cowardice sound noble).

[GoblinAhFuckScary]

did tinder for two months and i'm now nearly 7 years with my partner i met on there

[JaDanketies]

Met fiancee / the mother of my child on Tinder over half a decade ago. I'm sure things have moved on since then.

I spent quite a lot of time on Tinder and felt like I'd become pretty good at it by the end of it, although I found it shit and frustrating when I started. I filled my bio with stuff about my interests - never seemed to do anything. In fact the best conversations were when you spontaneously found you had shared interests.

It seemed like if you played it cool and treated it all as a bit of a relaxed joke, you did the best. Also don't get too involved in conversation - try to identify if they're actually going to meet up with you, and then try to meet up with them.

In the end my bio - which I sincerely thought was one of the best in the North West, in the knowledge that you can't win 'em all - was:

"Looking for a man in his 50s who pretends to be an attractive woman online so they can lure young men to their home to drug them, kill them and dispose of their body parts in the drains."

[Joe Qunt]

Hinge is my personal favourite. You have to answer prompts and display them on your profile, so potential partners have an idea of what kind of person you are not just how you look.

[Gurke and Hare]

Met my wife on okcupid.

How long ago? OKCupid used to be the best dating site by miles, but over the last 10 years or so it's just descended into being another identikit swiperightathon.

And who are all these people meeting spouses on Tinder? Isn't it just for fucking?

[JaDanketies]

And who are all these people meeting spouses on Tinder? Isn't it just for fucking?

Yeah but you might accidentally feel a connection with someone

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Connected genitals. I was similarly surprised by all the Tinder recommendations. I was under the impression that it was the shittest one - just a randy bastards meat market.

Thinking about this is making me feel a bit better about the one(s) that got away. Even with the risk of getting no interest I will throw caution to the wind and give it a go (when I get home and can take a really flattering portrait photo on my posh camera).

Bumble's women first system does appeal to my reticent nature, but the whole point of this is to be more proactive, so I might as well try my luck with a few of the others as well. Rejection stings, but why would I want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me anyway?

[Joe Qunt]

Tinder's great for casual stuff and it can lead to meaningful relationships. It's not quite as bad as everyone says it is.

[Thursday]

The few times I did match with someone on Bumble women still wouldn't usually message, and if they did it would just be "Hi" which I thought was odd, I thought the point was to at least open with something that you can reply to.

Hinge I didn't really understand, a lot of the prompts were things I didn't really have a good answer for. You can basically put a lot of those things in your profile on any other dating app, but people don't usually bother.

Okcupid is filled with weird fake accounts (a bizarre amount of women from Nairobi setting their profile to London) now and lost a lot of it's functionality to be more like Tinder.

Tinder was supposed to be the casual dating one, but then lots of people looking for long-term relationships joined it, but they still don't really fill out their profile  with  anything  other than the fact they aren't looking for something casual.


So basically they all suck, and I've accepted I don't have the right brain for using them. Only a bizarre twist of fate will lead to a relationship for me now.

[flotemysost]

Do you have to pay for these apps/sites? I assume they're in it to make money, rather than out of the goodness of their hearts.

I never have done, though most of them have all sorts of gimmicky upgrades and gamified incentives to part with your dough so you can unlock additional features and stuff. One of the apps I've used (admittedly it's more for casual/kink type stuff than a traditional dating app) is free for women (and presumably enbies) but men have to pay (I didn't realise this until a man told me), which I can sort of understand the thinking behind, but it makes me pretty uncomfortable for a few reasons.

The best part is that usually there's no connection to your existing friendship group, so even if you fuck it up, it doesn't really matter.

Well, I went on a date with a guy (via Hinge) earlier this year, which I thought went OK but then a few days later I received a comprehensive customer review detailing why I didn't make the grade to meet up again. Anyway, it turns out my friend had been on a date with this same person a couple of years previously and had an almost identical experience, down to the wording of the "thanks but no thanks" missive, which is a tad deso but also quite funny.

And a very attractive woman who I snogged in a bar (but failed to exchange numbers with) happened to crop up when I was scrolling through Hinge a week or so later, although OBVIOUSLY because I'm a massive idiot I just got all nervous and closed the app.

[bgmnts]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xYO-VMZUGo&list=PL5uULy4b0kV6OoAFB-Nd8nG8gzwsBMtkY

Our man Slavoj with his opinion on online dating.

[GoblinAhFuckScary]

dating apps more like dating apes ammirite

[drummersaredeaf]

It's absolutely deso and arguably much more hassle than its worth. There is a case that something like bumble is less time consuming on the grounds that as a man you wait for messages, but again they often say little more than hi, as noted up page.

My aversion to them more recently is that as well as not really being well placed to date at the minute, they are designed to take up time with gamified features, and are like fruit machines in that respect. Every now and then you feel like you've hit a jackpot but it's often very fleeting and often expectation doesn't match reality.

I was also given a tip related to this stuff when I was having counseling. These apps are not designed to create relationships: lots of the people on them are dysfunctional in various ways and so keep returning to them after failing again with a new partner. Those that are capable of forming relationships do so quickly and so don't need to keep coming back to them. 

And that's before you factor in the number of fantasists, people looking for a 'confidence boost' and so on. There's also always going to be a fair amount of inactive profiles or accounts that haven't subscribed meaning you could spend ages sending bespoke messages that simply never get read.

Can be a laugh when it works and I've known a few mates married off it, but I think that's more indicative of it being the way people meet now rather than a great solution to general dating woes.