Out of the mouths of babes....

[SetToStun]

Not something I actually said as a child, something I caused my son to say at school... One day we were strolling down the street (well, he was toddling slightly, what with being only four-and-a-bit) and he said to me "Dad, sometimes I really wish I was a bird." After a brief but impermanent heart failure I realised he meant of the winged variety. I asked him if that was so he could fly around and stuff and he said that no, it was because birds didn't have to go to school (he'd just started and wasn't too keen). I explained that of course birds had to go to school - how else would they learn to fly? He happily accepted this right up until he mentioned it to his teacher the next day. Whoops.

Still, you had to be there. It's the look of absolute trust on their faces as you fill their minds with utter tosh that makes it all worthwhile.

[El Unicornio, mang]

When I was little me and my friend went to play football on the local field, but there was a group of big lads there. Anyway, they shouted at us "get lost you little wankers!!". I didn't know this word at the time, so thought little of it.

Anyway, the next day my auntie had her little baby round, and we were sitting there with my parents. he must have done something naughty because I said "Stop that you little wanker!!". There then followed a lengthy silence followed by me getting a right good bollocking.

[gazzyk1ns]

I'm glad this was bumped, I thought of a good one yesterday. When I was young (no idea exactly how young...) I'd caught the tail end of something on TV - it was about cunnilingus. I didn't know what the word meant, so I watched intently, and in my youthful wisdom decided that it was the medical term for a throat infection (I think the bit of the proggie I caught was about oral thrush, caught via cunnilingus). About a week later, I told my mum I thought I might have cunnilingus.

[imitationleather]

When I was about 7 (it was during the 1994 World Cup, vivid memory eh?) I was reading a problem page in a teen magazine that I'd found lying about and a girl had written in about her having a nasty discharge out of her vagina. This was all Greek to me at the time and I told my mum I didn't understand it and she told me to read whatever it was out.

And so I did. Infront of her. And several other members of my extended family (we were in Ireland visiting my family at the time).

Strangely, I can't remember what happened next.