Wet Wipes

[KLG-7A]

[Replies From View]

I told you I agreed with you. I'm just encouraging you to use a product specifically designed for the ass cleaning, such as Andrex Washlets™.

Well if we're getting all new-fangled and swanky, has anybody here tried those effervescent arse-washing pills from Persil?  You take one orally with every meal and apparently the arse "farts" itself perfectly clean of its own accord.



Edit:  It seems funnier to put "farts" in quotes to imply that it is a technical term that few people will understand.  Yes, these things matter.

[KLG-7A]

I spent half an hour trying to find out if there any reasonable alternatives to toothbrushes the other day. (Answer: there are none).

There was a good reason for that though (no bathroom sink).

[Replies From View]

I spent half an hour trying to find out if there any reasonable alternatives to toothbrushes the other day. (Answer: there are none).

There was a good reason for that though (no bathroom sink).

Depends on the firmness.  You should go in with the spoon first, then the toothbrush.

You guys rush too eagerly to the polishing stage.  The entire process is to be savoured, not just the last bit.

[Ginyard]

Sounds like absolute heaven. I've always thought that doing a lovely great big poo should be more closely integrated into the restaurant experience - it is the culmination of the entire endeavour.

In Roman times, all the upper class squated and shat while they ate their pasta pesto. All those paintings of them eating grapes are snapshots of a shitting moment.

[KLG-7A]

Depends on the firmness.  You should go in with the spoon first, then the toothbrush.

The ridiculous thing is that I've also developed this technique.

[Replies From View]

In Roman times, all the upper class squated and shat while they ate their pasta pesto. All those paintings of them eating grapes are snapshots of a shitting moment.

Well, they look like grapes.  Those pictures remain my preferred illustration of the concept normally depicted by a snake eating its own tail.

[billtheburger]

Incidently, I call my daily morning poo a "dawn parter".

[Cerys]

Wet wipes are also useful for cleaning laptop screens.  Preferably before using the aforementioned wipes for anything arse-related.

[Replies From View]

Wet wipes are also useful for cleaning laptop screens.  Preferably before using the aforementioned wipes for anything arse-related.

It's a matter of personal preference.  I urge everybody to try both ways and see what works best for them.

Me - I can't stand having foreign dust on my precious arse.

[Jerzy Bondov]

Where do we all stand on bidets?[nb]BONUS JOKE: Very carefully, lest I get wet feet.[/nb] I think we need to get over our Francophobic hang-ups and embrace the concept of squatting over a big sink while it shoots a jet of water directly into the anus.

[Replies From View]

My parents have a bidet, and it's funny because they're the sort I wouldn't imagine embracing things like that.  It was part of a late 1970s bathroom set that my Dad finally installed in the late 1980s.  I can only assume it was on offer or something. 

They use the bidet for storing nearly-empty shampoo bottles and the like - you know, empty enough that the contents are a massive hassle to get out, but not empty enough to make them ready for the bin.  What they seem to like to do is let the contents go completely dry, then throw the bottles away.

[Jerzy Bondov]

Can you get a snap of the little plastic man from your avatar standing amongst the bottles in the bidet?

[Replies From View]

Yep, I'm on it.

[Black Ship]

The Mitchell and Butler Arse Clinic.

As an M & B employee, I had a bit of a chuckle at this statement.

[Ferro Carril]

Just done me second shit o' t' day, la's.

Ah di'n 'alf 'av' ' g'''' ''n!

''' ' '''' ' ''' '' '' '.

[sirhenry]

Sounds like absolute heaven. I've always thought that doing a lovely great big poo should be more closely integrated into the restaurant experience - it is the culmination of the entire endeavour.

Then watch Phantom of Liberty.


I was introduced to wet wipes by a chapter of the Hell's Angels. Not as part of an initiation ceremony, but as a necessity for all bikers everywhere. They clean off grease, oil and assorted slimy crap better than anything, so once you've stripped your bike and rebuilt it, the only thing to left do is wipe your hands. Makes it so much easier to grip bottles, spliffs, knives, whatever.

They're useless on babies though; their perfume/surfactants are so noxious they cause nappy rash every time.

[mcbpete]

A family secret that will blow your mind:

About 3 drops of this on yer standard toilet paper (on wipe attempt no. 2 if it's a messy'un) -



And you'll never know how you managed before ....

[biggytitbo]

I once had a poo as big as a baby. I didn't oil it up, but I did wrap it in swaddling rags and take it on a tour of the estate in a pram.

[Buelligan]

Did you get many admiring comments and envious glances are you made your proud progress?

[biggytitbo]

I'm not sure the glances were envious, but many people were certainly green.

[Replies From View]

Can you get a snap of the little plastic man from your avatar standing amongst the bottles in the bidet?

I took a photo this morning, but it involved removing a number of polythene bags to see the containers underneath them, and I also removed some medication that was in there.  And to be honest as I took the photo I felt like I was being a bit nosy.  It's just a grimy bidet stuffed with crap but for some reason the prospect of sharing it is making me feel uncomfortable at the moment.  I'll post it a bit later if I change my mind, but right now the photo seems more depressing to me than funny.

[Buelligan]

I would far rather see a happy, joyful picture of the little guy in his bower (surrounded by sweet musk roses and eglantine) or bathing with sea otters (for example).

[Jerzy Bondov]

I feel terrible. I'm sorry to have put you through all this.

[Replies From View]

I feel terrible. I'm sorry to have put you through all this.

No worries at all!

I would far rather see a happy, joyful picture of the little guy in his bower (surrounded by sweet musk roses and eglantine) or bathing with sea otters (for example).

Yes, that would be nicer.

[HappyTree]

Some other cultures find our use of paper to be unpleasant. They use little towels to wash the area in question.

[Lord Mandrake]

I was intrduced to the wet wipe phenomenon after becoming a parent and all I can add is that I've never looked back. If you can wipe efficiently then one wipe folded 2/3 times is sufficient to thoroughly cleanse an arsehole, now that is sustainability. Contrast this with a raggedy rub of dry bunched up paper and it's a no-brainer. Ever had a cold and keep blowing your nose only for it to go red and sore? Wet wipes.  You can buy them non-perfumed and biodegradable. Keep a packet in your living room for a quick response to spillages or in your glove box for whatever.

[rudi]

I've never looked back.

You disgust me.

[Morrison Lard]

Some people sit and wipe their arse, some stand and do it.

Most sitters don't even know standers exist, and vice-versa.

[rudi]

Oh lord, let's not re-open that shitcan of worms. There was carnage here last time that was revisted.