Captain Tom Moore

[ollyboro]

Just found  a 5 litre barrel of cider I had forgotten about, in the shed. One of those with a little tap on the side. Get it right up you. I vaguely remember buying it ages ago. The use by date says last April. So it's 7.8% and a year out of date. One way or another I'll be walking like this Tom cunt very shortly.

[Hand Solo]

What's the bet this old cunt has some deep state connections to the NHS?

Ground control to Captain Tom,
Time to get your money laundering on.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

He only planned to walk around for 3 minutes and 20 seconds for 'a right old fucking laugh', but when his carers started shouting "Moore, Moore"...

[Danger Man]

Has anyone plotted the donations on a graph?

No, but the average donation is £20 which is.....something

[ollyboro]

I'm currently trying to establish whether strong out of date cider and marijuana is an effective antidote to Coronavirus. Basically, I've selflessly turned myself into a lab rat. It's science which will get us out of the shit, not some old peeping tom war criminal cunt with half an eye on the MBE main prize.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Surely someone minted out there wants to double the money if the man who was a captain in a load of shit several hundred years ago will just stop, shut up and fuck off.

That's right: Stops. Shuts up. And fucks off.

[Danger Man]

I'm currently trying to establish whether strong out of date cider and marijuana is an effective antidote to living in the UK

Fixed

[Bronzy]

good lad

[imitationleather]

Tom will be responsible for hundreds of OAP deaths.

It's a real grudge match between him and COVID-19 to see who can rack up the highest number in the over 75 category.

[JamesTC]

Tom should be made to pump Margaret. Stick it on pornhub and I'll make a donation.

Their offspring would be genetically predisposed to fundraising for the NHS.

This is the sort of eugenics that Tom Moore fought to see the world rid of.

[Phoenix Lazarus]

I've heard he's got a stunt double to actually do the laps.

[Pseudopath]

No, but the average donation is £20 which is.....something

It's the smallest large amount of money.

[Ferris]

Just found  a 5 litre barrel of cider I had forgotten about, in the shed. One of those with a little tap on the side. Get it right up you. I vaguely remember buying it ages ago. The use by date says last April. So it's 7.8% and a year out of date. One way or another I'll be walking like this Tom cunt very shortly.

Cider doesn't go off does it? You'll be alright absolutely fucking muntered

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

There's a petition to get him knighted now. Seriously.

[idunnosomename]

how the fucks that gonna work? cant knight a dead man

[Ferris]

how the fucks that gonna work? cant knight a dead man

Weekend At Mooresy's

[ollyboro]

Cider doesn't go off does it? You'll be alright absolutely fucking muntered

No idea. But if it's okay to drink it between now and forever, why stamp a date on it that suggests - to a stoned dullard in the midst of a pandemic - that it might not be okay to drink it a year after that particular date? Cuntish arse covering in my ill-informed opinion.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Cider doesn't go off does it? You'll be alright absolutely fucking muntered

It's only a year out anyway, fuck it, it'll be fine.

[Ferris]

No idea. But if it's okay to drink it between now and forever, why stamp a date on it that suggests - to a stoned dullard in the midst of a pandemic - that it might not be okay to drink it a year after that particular date? Cuntish arse covering in my ill-informed opinion.

So that you stick it in the bin and a chuckling bin man gets himself 10 pints of high potency cider, gratis, and you can't fucking touch him.

It's wheels within wheels mate

[ollyboro]

how the fucks that gonna work? cant knight a dead man

If Otis fucking Redding can have a posthumous number one, this cunt can have Liz samurai his shoulders after his death. Stop being so negative. People like you are the exact reason why Brexit won't work.

[Quote]

Mo Farah must be seething. He runs thousands of miles & brings home four gold medals to earn his knighthood, then Capt Corpse rolls up with his zimmer and blags one for a few measly laps of the back garden?

[ollyboro]

So that you stick it in the bin and a chuckling bin man gets himself 10 pints of high potency cider, gratis, and you can't fucking touch him.

It's wheels within wheels mate

I wouldn't tip my binmen Aids. What a bunch of cunts. I despise them and their hivis vests. And their belief that they can park their lorry wherever they fucking want. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad they exist, I just wish they didn't. I'd rather die drinking this out of date swill than give it to my binmen. And no, it's not a fucking Bin Lorry. It's a Skip on wheels. Lorries travel continents and deliver stuff people either need or desire , skips basically stop in the same place and get filled with shit nobody wants. So you're not a lorry driver, you guard a skip.

[ollyboro]

Mo Farah must be seething. He runs thousands of miles & brings home four gold medals to earn his knighthood, then Capt Corpse rolls up with his zimmer and blags one for a few measly laps of the back garden?

I'll defend Tom over this. At least Tom pays his taxes. Possibly. Farah definitely doesn't.

[Inspector Norse]

A 99-year-old doing laps of his garden isn't very impressive.

A 99-year-old setting up a fundraising website though, blow me down.

[Butchers Blind]

The more I think about this, the more I think we've been hoodwinked.  Tom is up to some Ocean's Eleven type shit here.

Here goes.. back in the war Tom got acces to high level Nazi chemical plans, he used these plans to start a virus in China which he knew was feasible because people eat bats there, the virus spreads to the UK where Tom lives, Tom banks on the UK's unstable NHS and gullible population and sets up a 'fundraiser' for the NHS by doing the simple act of walking round the garden, the public donates in vast amounts because Tom's old and a war veteren, Tom takes the money and emigrates back to India to fund his Raj project.

[Alberon]

He's just passed £20m. What's the betting he and the money disappears tomorrow and all they find is a discarded latex mask of an old man's face.

EDIT: Hah! Didn't see the previous post before I posted.

[Danger Man]

https://michaelball.lnk.to/NeverWalkAloneTW

let's have a singalong.....

[Ferris]

He's just passed £20m. What's the betting he and the money disappears tomorrow and all they find is a discarded latex mask of an old man's face.

EDIT: Hah! Didn't see the previous post before I posted.

If you're going to grift 20m, don't do it moments before you die from being absurdly old.

[Butchers Blind]

If you're going to grift 20m, don't do it moments before you die from being absurdly old.

He played the long game.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Arise, sir human remains