Earth Shattering Local News

[Fambo Number Mive]

It would have been nice if they had asked the homeowner though. Reminds me of some of these so-called "auditors"

[Fambo Number Mive]

Headline on Oxford Mail website: "Jeremy Clarkson's son not a fan of Oxford United"

[buttgammon]

Council contractor 'using child's pink easter egg bucket' for water mains works being 'investigated'

[buttgammon]

Council contractor 'using child's pink easter egg bucket' for water mains works being 'investigated'

In a command+v mixup, I very nearly sent this article to a very senior academic.

[Blumf]

In a command+v mixup, I very nearly sent this article to a very senior academic.

Could have been the serendipitous event that led to a new discovery or insight.

Way to hold back human progress!

[buttgammon]

Could have been the serendipitous event that led to a new discovery or insight.

Way to hold back human progress!

He edited an article I wrote a while back and I guarantee he wouldn't have been impressed. He'd have thought I'd have lost it (again).

[Cuellar]

Oxfordshire woman on MasterChef sent home after 'watery' sauce

[Alberon]

Old people are technophobes says old people

A number of council car parks, including the seaside stretch at Faversham Road in Seasalter, are now cashless.

Sheila Miller, who coordinates an elderly swimming group at Seasalter, is certain the new charges and use of RingGo will deter the majority of members from visiting the coast.

"It's ageist and absolutely discriminatory against the elderly," the 74-year-old said.

"We can't plead poverty as we can afford cars and drive. It's just that many of the elderly do not have a smartphone, or know how to use RingGo.

My mum's 85 and has a smartphone, but admittedly a few, mostly older, people can have problems. But the main point of posting this is the pointing while frowning photos.



Hang on a moment, isn't that a smartphone on the right?

But Kent Online aren't skinflints. You don't just get one pointing and frowning picture, you get two!



And the whole thing is pointless as if you don't have a smartphone you can pay over the phone by calling a number. Just about everyone has access to a phone, even a basic or landline one.

[Fambo Number Mive]

A crocheted snake created to make the local community smile has been stolen.

The snake was installed near the junction of Worcester Drive and Sandringham Road in Didcot by anonymous yarnbomber, Crochet Kindness by R.

https://www.oxfordmail.co.uk/news/20159973.crocheted-snake-made-community-didcot-stolen/

Didcot residents need all the smiles they can get. Although it did have a good selection of charity shops the last time I went.

[Glebe]

Not so much for the news item, which is about a man getting attacked, but here's the photo they've gone with.

And no Earth shattering 'Invisible Man Joins Local Police Force' exclusive to accompany it!

[Fambo Number Mive]

Didcot giving "scathing review"

A man who likes to review the 'worst places' to live in the UK has visited Didcot.

TikTok's answer for Ross Kemp, Phil C, has visited the worker town to give his honest opinion.

At number 11 on the list of the worst places to live, Didcot is worse than Blackpool (at number 14) and Oldham (at number 13).

However, the controversial list ranks it higher than Slough (at number 9) and Bradford (at number 10).

But that hasn't stopped Phil from being brutal about Didcot – calling it irrelevant, c****y and forgettable.

"Hey, why don't we go to Didcot? Said no-one ever."

His bleak review starts: "It's a pointless place in the middle of nowhere. It's basically a power station with a c****y little town bolted on the side.

"If you look up the word irrelevant in the dictionary underneath will be written Didcot."

In the video he pans around the power station land, zooms in on supermarket Iceland and uses footage of boarded up charity shops...

https://www.oxfordmail.co.uk/news/20214898.mans-scathing-review-didcot-goes-viral-tiktok/

No idea who this Phil C person is. I've only been to Didcot a few times, it did seem a bit of a dump to live in, although I imagine it's quite cheap and you get good rail links.

[Alberon]

They've knocked down half the power station there as well so there's even less reason to visit.

[imitationleather]

Is the censored word "chavvy"? Not watching this bellend's review to find out.

That becoming a swearword by the standard of local news really shows how we've moved on in twenty years.

[AsparagusTrevor]

I assumed it was 'cuunty'

[beanheadmcginty]

"crappy" surely?

[Fambo Number Mive]

I was thinking "crappy"

[kalowski]

Didcot giving "scathing review"

https://www.oxfordmail.co.uk/news/20214898.mans-scathing-review-didcot-goes-viral-tiktok/

No idea who this Phil C person is. I've only been to Didcot a few times, it did seem a bit of a dump to live in, although I imagine it's quite cheap and you get good rail links.

He's TikTok's answer for Ross Kemp

[Fambo Number Mive]

A McDonald's diner in Redditch has split opinion after he was outraged by an elderly couple's habit in the fast food restaurant. The man took to Facebook saying how disgusted he was, but didn't get the reaction he was expecting.

Most online users turned on him instead, forcing him to turn commenting off his post. A flurry of criticisms feverishly came in to Spotted in Redditch within minutes.

"I went into McDonald's yesterday, an elderly couple sat near to me," he wrote. "The lady went to the stand with the ketchup, stirrers salt etc and came back with about 20 serviettes and put them in her bag.

READ MORE: McDonald's and KFC Redditch drive-thrus compared at peak time - and there's a clear winner

"I saw them again later in the day at Aldi getting out of a brand new £65K Jaguar I-Pace. Disgusting. Stealing serviette."

But instead of finding agreement online, messages criticised the diner. "Get a life", said many. Others warned there were more important things to be worried about while another added: "Not stealing though is it?"...

"Omg how awful that you assume just because they have an expensive car it means they are rich. Maybe they won the car, taking it on a test drive or they need the serviettes to wipe their prints off the stolen car when they dump it."...

Despite the backlash, there was some who agreed with his fury. "That's outrageous", wrote a similar-minded diner...

Would you have time to stop for McDonalds if you were on a test drive? And I like how one person agreeeing becomes "some who agreed"

I suppose taking 20 napkins is a bit extreme but I'm sure McDonalds can afford it.

[popcorn]

I think this is the most underwhelming headline pun I've ever seen. The line break necessitated by the hyphen is an exquisitely depressing touch.

[Captain Z]

Edit: just repeating what you'd already said.

[Blumf]

Not sure if hard boiled noir detective euphemism, or downfall of the Roman Empire literalness:

https://www.expressandstar.com/news/local-hubs/walsall/bloxwich/2022/07/09/investigation-launched-after-small-number-of-cases-of-lead-poisoning-involving-staff-at-walsall-firing-range/

A firing range in Walsall is closed after a "small number" of cases of lead poisoning involving staff.

Double-Deuce Firing Range, in Bloxwich, has voluntarily closed for assessment to take place and will remain closed while investigations are under way.

[Cuellar]

https://www.oxfordmail.co.uk/news/20279655.retired-vicar-performing-sex-act-henry-vacuum-cleaner/

A 'naughty' church leader has been fined and placed on the sex offenders register for romping with a Henry 'hoover'.

John Jeffs, 74, was naked apart from a pair of ladies stockings when he was caught with the appliance.

A shocked churchgoer saw him committing the vile act while attending a talk about Asperger's syndrome.

A court heard Jeffs, a retired vicar, noticed the member of the public but carried on and later told police he did it because he felt 'naughty'.

Legend vicar

[Glebe]

Police are still hunting for Henry, who managed to get out if there fairly sharpish!

[Dex Sawash]

Need more details on the vile sex act performed on the vacuum and proximity to the Aspiecon

[Cuellar]

JPs heard Jeffs committed the sex act while working as a pastoral manager at Christian faith-based group, Parents Talking Asperger's.

The court heard he was in his office at The Baptist Centre in Middleton Cheney in September 2020 when he was seen by an eyewitness.

That witness walked past his office and said they saw Jeffs wearing nothing but a pair of ladies' stockings.

The court heard he was 'standing between two dark chairs, thrusting into a Henry Hoover'.

[Cuellar]

Actually the whole article is great

Jeffs, who has an otherwise clean record, was given an 18-month community order. He must sign on as a sex offender.

He was also ordered to pay £845 in court costs and £200 in compensation to the victim who witnessed the sex act.

In mitigation, Jeffs was said to still be coming to terms with the loss of his wife at a young age and was in 'a lot of pain' because he was ignoring his health and his diabetes was not medicated.

The magistrate said: "Why you thought it best to bring this matter to trial, I have no idea."

[Sebastian Cobb]

Lol at them using 'romp' though. I thought that's what paps with long lenses caught celebrities doing on beaches.

[Glebe]

Do newspapers still report stars 'romping in steamy hotel seshes'?

[imitationleather]

ROMPING IN THEIR HOTEL LOVE NEST

[Glebe]

ROMPING IN THEIR HOTEL LOVE NEST